mama

mama,

it’s hard

to find the words

when it feels like

i’ve used them all,

how many more ways

can i say

how grateful

i am for you?

even when

i trip and i fall,

you’ve been there

through it all,

helping me push through

even when i feel

like there’s nothing

i can do,

and i know

that i goof and joke

when i gotta repeat

a story i’ve already told,

but the reality is

that i don’t know

how i’d do this

without you.

never needed comics

because you were

my superhero,

got the confidence

and a heart

the size of a hulk,

i hope to have

half of that

one day,

i hope to love

as unabashedly

as you have,

they said dogs

are a man’s best friend,

but it’s easy to see

why you’ve always been

cooper and teddy’s favorites,

the first friends

they ever made,

and i hope

one day

to live my life

with your level

of grace.

i know i don’t

say it enough,

but you were the first

that i loved,

even before i knew

what love was,

you were the first

i ever said

those three words to,

but they may never

be enough

to properly show

how much you mean,

today might be

a special day,

but you deserve

to be celebrated

for 365 plus,

the queen of the house,

and i’ll do

all that i can

to make you proud.

i love you, mom.

echo chamber, part 3

thought it was finally

my time,

longest winter ever

but now it’s summer’s

turn to shine,

only now,

i can’t get rid

of the dark clouds

in my mind,

never felt more

unheard in my life,

like it’s just me,

myself,

and whatever the hell

i write on this page,

every day

feels more painful

than the last,

thought i was on the path

to healing,

but all the demons

are revealing

the harsher feelings.

and i promise

i'm tryna watch

what i say,

i’ve got stronger words

i’ve held back

to protect the ones

i love,

already watching them

misconstrue

my true intentions

and turn me

to the bad guy,

promise i’m not

a terrible person,

i just wanted to help

make sure everyone

was alright,

all the drama

got me wishing

for a better time,

2019,

when everything felt nice

before the circle

became a warzone,

everybody firing shots

and scared to say

their true feelings

for fear of retaliation,

burning at the stake

when it all

could be squashed

with a conversation.

last night,

i thought about

the end of my life,

how much time

have i got

‘till i get there?

and is that

what it’ll take

to get everyone back

on the same page?

don’t wanna be

a sacrifice,

i wanna live a happy life,

i wanna heal,

i wanna feel

like i’m wanted

and heard,

i wanna work through

the bullshit

and get back

to something better

than this,

but i’m stuck

in a rut

with no way out,

and i’m wondering

who’s really here

for me?

i don’t know what to do anymore.

epilogue

but before i go,

send this message

to the world,

make sure the words

are all in bold.

i’ve been down

some roads

i wish i’d never known,

this life

has taken me

to places

that left me jaded,

so many times,

i’ve turned into

someone

i never wanted to be,

stared in the mirror

for hours

wondering what happened

to me,

lost myself

and wanted to hide

my face in shame.

but you never gave up.

had every right

to leave me

where i was at,

force me to pick up

the pieces

on my own,

come to grips

with all the ways

i’d gone wrong,

coped with my pain

in the worst ways

and lost my mind,

made a lot of people

wanna say goodbye.

but through all the loss,

who’d have thought

you’d still be here

next to me?

when the world

came crashing down,

you picked me up

from out of the rubble,

sat next to me

quietly

just so i wouldn’t be alone,

when it felt like

all the backs were turned,

you were a shoulder

to cry on,

never hesitated

to extend a hand,

and no matter

how many came and went,

you never left.

and i’m so proud

of how you’ve grown,

you may not always

believe in yourself,

but i believe in you

more than i’ve ever

believed in myself,

and i’m happy

that there’s still an “us,”

may not always

love yourself,

but i promise

“just you”

is more than enough,

you’re the reason

i keep on going,

life is worth it

for you alone,

and i’m glad that fate

made it so

that we ended up

in the same room

that day.

thank you for being you.