2. deprivation

consumed by my own loneliness,
everything around me is a blur.
i search for some warmth
and comfort,
just hoping the fear
will subside.

it only haunts me
further and further,
i feel the need
to run faster and faster,
but there’s no escape,
and i’m afraid to close my eyes,
because this isn’t just a dream,
you can’t pinch me
to stop this,
because there’s no knowing
where it’s going.
for all we know,
it could be behind me now,
taunting, scaring,
no one even knows.

i could be staring at it
as i type these words.
it’s around here somewhere,
and i can’t stop moving
or it’ll take over,
shake me,
push me to places
i don’t even wanna go.
it could break me,
it could disrupt my flow,
but how can i run
when there’s no getting up?

my body won’t stand,
because it doesn’t want to,
it wants to be here
in the solitude,
reflecting
and thinking back
to the good times,
but the beast lurks
and doesn’t like personal space,
it just wants to take mine.

not tonight, please. just go away.