"you'll learn when you're older"

prom coming up,

barely care for the day,

mama said

i need a date,

but i’d rather stay home

and play games,

elijah got sniped

and he yells in the mic,

“that’s so gay!”

with barely a thought.

mom told us

to watch the way

we talked,

but mom,

it’s just words,

“you’ll learn when you’re older,”

she’d say,

just rolled my eyes

while mom made me try

a stupid suit

for the stupid night.

forced myself

to put the games away,

flew solo to the dance

thinking i was

just killing time,

until i found the lady

to whom i’d share my life,

and suddenly,

i felt like my best self,

moved with a purpose

and that was her,

a life with love

was a life worth living.

still found time

with the guys,

king of the game

and andy would say

“that shit is gay,”

she never liked it,

but honey,

it’s just words,

“you’ll learn when you’re older,”

she’d say,

just rolled my eyes

as i followed her to bed,

tried to stop saying it

but it was ingrained,

decades of nasty habits

left me thinking backwards,

but never looking inward

long enough to think about

what’s going on outside.

now he’s got his prom

on the way,

mama’s excited

‘cause her young man’s

found himself a date,

couldn’t wait for him

to find a girl

like i had—

“but dad…

i’m taking aiden.”

my heart’s

in my feet

while grandma’s

giving him a big squeeze.

how could it be?

he never told me?

and it flashes back

all at once,

we thought it was

just words,

but you never know

the power they hold

until it’s one of yours.

the day to see him off,

still learning

to accept it all,

and i see the two together,

their eyes light

the way mine did

when i met his mom,

and suddenly,

i’m overcome,

tears start to fall

and he runs to my arms.

“i’m proud of you, son,

and i love you as you are.”

give aiden a handshake,

thank him

for showing my son

what love is,

hope one day

to welcome him into

the family,

walk them to the limo,

a wave as it drives away.

i had to learn

from the error in my ways,

he doesn’t need a lady

to make him better,

he found what i found

with his own,

a life with love

is a life worth living,

it might be different

but love stays the same,

and i’ll do everything i can

to keep them safe.

i learned when i got older.

5. this beautiful mess i've made

another day,

i awake

from some crazy dreams,

it’s like not even

the fantasy world

can bring me much peace,

they say sleep

can set you free,

but for me,

it only illuminates

the insecurities,

all my worst cases

and cursed phases

take up all the space

in my brain,

pain wraps me

in its sweet embrace,

trying to give

myself some grace,

but i’m back

to feeling

like a total waste,

living in

this beautiful mess i’ve made.

wanna make

something lighthearted,

but it’s hard

to write light

when all you know

is the dark,

all the best words

that i ever wrote

came from the

bad place,

the side of life

where the bulbs

never turn on,

hard to let

the sun peek in

when you’ve always been

a nightcrawler,

and as the summer

turns to autumn,

i start to wonder

if i’ll fall,

nocturnal by nature,

my world stays dark

with no sign

of the dawn.

sometimes,

i think about death

more than i’d like,

the OCD’s

got me worried

about losing control,

once touched a knife

to my neck

to see if it really

felt sharp,

then spent the next

seven minutes

in a panic,

worse than when

i wondered

if a belt

around my neck,

would really squeeze,

it’s like

an entity

wanted to write

the end of me,

i’d never do it,

but what if i lost

the ability

to stop myself?

i wanna be here

because i’ve got people

i love too much,

i couldn’t give a fuck

what i accomplish

long as they get to win,

you don’t realize

how much you’ve got

to live for

‘till you have a friend

who makes you happy

just by being happy,

and i fight through

for people like you,

the ones that make

waking up

worth it in the end,

it’s not easy

but i’m doing

what i can,

and i hope that

my best

is good enough.

4. he is not your savior

the poetry king’s

taken you to places

you’ve never thought

you’d be,

seven years of writing

and he’s been

all around the world

in his bedroom alone,

over 30 albums

with no sign of stopping,

he’s created a resume

that’d make the greats

put respect on his name,

he’s talked a big game

but backed it up

in spades,

he’s created works

that’ll live

long beyond his days,

etched himself in

and earned his place

in the hall of fame.

but he is not your savior.

the poetry king’s

taken names

without ever saying them,

he’s fired shots

without ever even

holding a gun,

he’s taken the family

to task

and made sure

they didn’t forget

the past,

he’s stood up

for himself

when the world

wanted him seated,

a modern-day poe,

“nemo me impune lacessit,”

he’s got some bars

for anyone

who wants ‘em,

and he’s dropped quotables

like it’s his day-to-day.

but he is not your savior.

the poetry king’s

let his flaws

fall on the page,

he’s grown

but also taken

some steps back,

he’s shared words

he shouldn’t have

and should’ve kept

in his pad,

he’s got trauma

he’s still tryna

heal from

in healthy ways,

still trying

not to hold on

so hard

to his mistakes,

surely a king,

but much as the past

might have you

thinking otherwise,

he’s also a mortal man,

nowhere above

your local joe,

he can leave you

inspired,

but he can’t

turn you

into a god.

‘cause he is not your savior.

3. about last night

there i go again,

making up more

scenarios in my head,

the only place

i ever feel

comfortable at,

still thinking about

all the things

i could’ve said,

and i try

to tell myself i’m fine

but i’m not,

if i was,

i wouldn’t be finding

new ways

to throw it all away,

and i wouldn’t be saying

all the same things

in every other line,

i’m trying

to help others

get over their heartbreak

when i never

fully cleaned up mine.

suddenly, i’m feeling

what taylor meant

when she said,

“i love you,

it’s ruining my life,”

because i can’t stop

circling back,

and i hate to stay

stuck on that,

but every time

i think i find

the love of my life,

it just becomes

the loss of my life,

and as i sit

and sing

of ed’s photograph

to the bugs out back,

i’m wondering

who would wait for me

to come home.

i never stopped feeling

how i felt

about anyone

i ever loved,

and i’m realizing

that they don’t need me,

all i’ve ever done

is drag down

everyone that comes along,

try to be there

for myself

but i realize i’m lost

when i’m on my own,

and i’ve never felt

more alone

than i do right now,

the world’s greatest

oversharer

is heading

for another nightmare,

just praying

somebody stays

to help steer me

through the storm.

i feel like i ruin everything.

2. real music's gonna last

my pedigree

speaks volumes

i could never reach,

yet everyone

still sleeps on me,

ask someone to name

their favorite poem

of mine,

they start to stutter,

don’t tell me

it flew above ya?

still playing catch-up

while i’m on

to the next one,

everyone expecting me

to fall off

but i’m only getting better

with every release,

i’m my favorite writer

and my favorite album

is the one

i haven’t written yet.

i’m more than a trend

and i know i’ll end up

in the hall of fame,

the real shit’s gonna last

and the gimmicks

will fade in time,

top of the charts worldwide,

i’ll keep leavin’ ‘em

in a trance

every time,

and all the ones

that never cared for me

will be calling me

the GOAT one day,

they’ll be talking

like they always

saw it in me

even though i know

they didn’t believe,

but let ‘em think

what they must,

i’ll be the one

making history

and leaving ‘em

in the dust.

and fuck all the people

that never believed in me,

the people

i’m supposed to call

“family,”

and i don’t care

how much trouble

this gets me in,

i’ve held in the pain

they’ve got

no idea

they caused me,

i used to be scared

i’d get kicked

from my home,

but maybe i’m better off

being alone,

roam the streets

and find a castle

i could hide in,

i’m really like edward

the way

i’m not finished,

maybe i never will be,

but it sure beats

being the scapegoat

every time they overheat.

1. walk the planks of elizabeth's rose

they say to keep

your chin up

but mine is on the floor,

every answer

that i find

ends up a lie,

and all the best versions

of myself

disappear just as quick

as when they came in,

chasing a stable life

but it won’t stay,

supposed to be

my best years

but i’ve let them

go to waste,

found my confidence

but why’d it have to come

five years too late?

and why,

when i see the number

on the scale,

do i struggle

not to fixate?

hard to focus

on what i have

when i’m mourning

a life

that i never had.

can’t even say

i fumbled the bag

because i never

got to hold it,

know they say

to cast a wide net,

but the only ones

that’d ever go for me

are the scammers on the net,

catfish tryna trap me

in their muddy waters,

everybody else

got someone

and they’re settling down,

steady starting

to grow the family tree,

while i wouldn’t even know

how to plant

my own seeds,

i’m not even enough

for me,

so how could i be

what anyone else needs?

maybe i should’ve gone

into a different field,

maybe i should’ve saved up,

maybe i should’ve quit

with the poetry shit

back when i fooled about it,

maybe i’ll drop that album

before frank drops his,

they couldn’t wait

for me to do it

this summer,

now they’re sittin’

ready for the fall,

maybe i should just run

from it all,

leave everything

and everyone behind,

dying for a little

peace of mind,

but it’s something

that i’ll never find.

too tired to live, too scared to die preface

my dear readers, hello. do you how do? if you’re reading this, i’m so happy to see you here and i’m sending you love as we reach the fall season. it’s been a bit since i last released a poetry mini-album, but i’ve prepared a new one for you that i call “too tired to live, too scared to die.” initially, i had hoped to release this on september 15th, as that marked the seventh anniversary of when i wrote my first poem “my dear,” but life has been a touch busy lately, thus the project has been sitting around completed for the last week or two. thankfully, it is ready to go, and i’m so glad it gets to be yours now. my last album “poems for the club” was an entirely fictional project, and with this one, i went for a more straightforward, personal record that didn’t quite have one tone or style; just an amalgamation of the complex feelings that go through my mind, both good and bad. it’s always gratifying to put out a new project, and i’m very proud of this one. i hope you all enjoy it, and i hope your autumn is off to a good start. as we speak, i’ve begun doing some light work on my next project; i hope to have it ready for you very soon.

1. walk the planks of elizabeth’s rose (shoutout to tony for the title)

2. real music’s gonna last

3. about last night

4. he is not your savior

5. this beautiful mess i’ve made

11. before your eyes (bonus track)

the days move slow

but life goes fast,

blink

and it’ll be gone

in an instant,

facing down

my ultimate fate

but as i reach

the gate,

i’m afraid

to say

what really happened,

try to make

an adventure

of some grand nature

out of my life,

but i’m caught

in the lie,

never got to live out

my dreams

because i spent

the days

just trying to survive.

i thought the sickness

wouldn’t stick

until i had to let

the IV drip,

taking medicine

that barely did

a thing,

and soon enough,

my time was up,

mama wanted a legacy

but i wasn’t

the piano prodigy

she hoped i’d be,

never got to live

the artist’s life,

or get old enough

to make chloe my wife,

you were my

first love,

and i gave it all up

just to be with you.

tried to repress

all the pain,

but as i greet

the gatekeeper,

i know i can’t,

it’s time to take

the weight off,

let go of regret

and tell how

it really went,

brought to my end

too quick,

but my love

lives on

in the ones around me,

it’s not much

of a life,

but i know

that i lived it,

wasn’t who i thought

i’d be,

but i was who

i needed to be,

and as i close my eyes

one last time,

i’m finally at peace.

benny.

10. your best friend

friday night,

and he’s coming by,

says he wants to

take you out

of the house,

seven years,

he’s been your best friend,

and it seems

to be

another typical night,

time on the town

and he finally takes you

to the restaurant

you both like,

you’ve hung out

about a million times

but it never

loses its touch,

even the most

mundane of days

replay so vividly

in your mind,

because you can never

regret a moment

with your best friend.

but you’re feeling

something different

this time,

look around

and see that sparks

are starting

to fly,

an hour ride

but you felt it

the whole way home,

he takes you inside

and you’re slow-dancing

in the living room,

it’s just a different vibe

when you look into

his eyes,

all the hardships

and stress

that you’ve faced

is flushed away,

the world stops

for a moment

as he pulls

you closer.

it’s clearer

than it’s ever been:

you are in love.

never managed

to find it before,

and always found it hard

to let yourself fall,

but all it took

was one night

to let it all out,

it’s a rush of emotions,

but he knows it

as well,

he comforts you

and all you can do

is smile,

because finally,

you’ve found the one,

he was there all along,

just as you were

for him,

and for the first time,

you’re both ready

to let love in.

let this night never end.

9. life of the party

packed to the nines

and i’m dying inside,

telling myself

that i should’ve

never came

to this tonight,

thought i could

shut the world out

for a few hours,

but i’m just retreating

back to my shell,

it’s loud

and i’m lost,

barely even hear

my own thoughts,

and all this noise

around me

got me ready

to take my leave,

quietly sneak

to the exit

and pretend

i was never here.

but right before

i can go,

you drop by

and get me

onto my feet,

“may i have this dance?”

take me

by the hand,

and suddenly,

i’m a new man,

everything else

is shut out

because i have

you around,

got me glad

i showed up

to this party

in the first place,

you made me

erase

all my inhibitions

and finally,

i can live

a little bit.

i’m in awe

of your confidence,

showing me a side

of you

i’ve never seen before,

the club

got you feeling

like yourself,

and i love

that you’re not afraid

to do it your way,

not afraid

of what anyone

would say,

let ‘em think

what they want,

judge how they must,

won’t stop you

from having your fun,

you’re the queen

of this party,

and for a moment,

i’m grateful

that you made me

the king.

what a night.

8. donuts for dinner

i hate him

so much

because i’m not

the one

in his shoes,

everything he does

comes so natural

and he had everyone

flocking to him,

a new girl

snuggled comfy

in his arm

every other day,

always seemed so strong

and sure of himself,

how could i contend

with someone

who had it all?

sweeter than eating

donuts for dinner,

and all i’d see

was everything

i couldn’t be.

i hate him

so much

because i want him

for myself,

every time

i saw her lay

a kiss on the cheek,

i ran off to cry,

had to hide it

every time

because for a man

to weep

was to be weak,

it seemed,

but how could i make

him love me?

barely have the nerve

to muster up

a “hello,”

a snowball’s chance

at best

he even acknowledges

that i exist.

i love him

so much

and he could never

be mine,

it’s clear

i’m not his type,

so maybe,

i should stop trying,

learn one day

to be a friend

at best,

a quick look

and he comes

with a greeting,

that charisma

has my heart bleeding,

but i try to keep

my cool,

then suddenly,

i feel his pull

as he leans in

and his lips

lock in,

the last thought

that crossed my mind

when he walked by,

but it’s true…

he loves me, too.

7. the boogeyman

i was burdened

by my sensitivity,

people never saw

how much i took to heart,

how lost i was

because all i thought of

was everyone else,

only found comfort

when i was sleeping,

even as loud

as my head was,

the dream world

was so peaceful,

laying in the river

as i float away,

even as i stare up

at the night sky,

yoko’s got it feeling

like a lazy afternoon,

as i spend another day

trying to get back up,

long time to recover

from the pain i faced.

i destroyed myself,

but it was wonderful,

lost my way

because i was running

with the wrong ones,

they built me up

to rip my confidence,

what a beautiful thing

being at the bottom,

stuck playing the person i’m not

to please someone

i’ve got no business

being with,

exiled myself

and drank my sorrows away,

only got to escape

when i was digging dirt

or working the fireplace,

i really became

the boogeyman,

no one dared face me

for fear of what

my sharp tongue

was capable of,

but the wins were hollow

when they couldn’t

be shared,

because who’d fall

for the boogeyman?

there’s gotta be

somebody out there

for me,

seen too many

that weren’t meant to be,

people leaving warnings

that i was ignoring,

date nights

i wasn’t enjoying,

thought i could see

past the toxicity,

i was obsessed

with the idea of you

but not the real you,

talking loads

in the uber

but i didn’t need

hollywood blvd

to know you weren’t the one,

no doubt, i needed

my sweet escape,

this city’s not for me,

someone toss me the keys

and let me ride,

no idea where i’m going

but i know that

all roads eventually

lead home.

bring me back to brighton.

6. buried alive

never even

wanted to come

to this club tonight,

i just needed to see

if it was true,

she’s lip-locking

with that man

and i can’t stand

to even see his face,

i tried to accept it

but i could never

look him in his eyes

and respect him

as a man,

can’t help but think

that he’s turning you

into someone you’re not,

got you thinking

you’re his muse

while he’s preying

on your youth

to fuel his ego.

and it’s got me

thinking back to you,

the bright, smiling face,

the laughs

we used to share,

never a day

where you didn’t

cheer me up,

your optimism

made my darkest hours

feel more like minutes,

the memories flooded back

but then were gone

with the quickness,

a minute ago

it was vivid,

now i can’t even

picture it,

the girl that i knew

is no longer you,

and i can’t stand

to see it.

maybe i drank too much

and now i’m peaking,

but i’m trying

not to get up

and sock him,

not enough that he

always bullied me,

but now,

he wants to

weasel his way

into the family tree,

made my life

a living torment,

never knew

how to treat a woman,

now he thinks

i’ll just accept him

like all that shit

was nothing,

promised mom

before she left

that i’d protect you

however i can,

and i know

i gotta let you grow,

but i can’t let him

break you

and place the trauma

upon you

like he did to me.

i just want

my little sister back.

5. vsco girls

never had much

luck in love,

always heard

all this talk about

shooting my shot

when i can’t even

hold the gun properly,

barely have

the confidence

to make it last,

always feels like

they love you

at the summit,

but never at the foot,

and i’ve spent my life

climbing

but never getting there,

celebrating

that i made it halfway,

but the journey

doesn’t matter

when they only appreciate

the destination.

for a minute,

lena was the exception,

a chance encounter

at the landing,

rolled through the rink

then laid in the hammock,

first time

i felt connected,

but it didn’t last long,

at times,

got me wishing

that you never left,

then i remember

why it got bad,

all you saw in me

was a warm body,

someone to help you

quickly forget

the last one,

then toss away

and move on

to the next.

posting his texts

on vsco

for aesthetics

like that man

ain’t a red flag,

won’t even act like

i can do you better,

‘cause treating me right?

you could never.

but i keep on

writing lyrics

you keep leaving

in them captions,

‘cause i know

you keep peeping

these words i’m speaking,

i know you love

to keep my name

in your mouth,

so i’ll just sit

and count the days

until it all falls down.

actually...nah, y’all were made for each other.

4. damn, that's crazy. anyway...

ticket paid

for the seat

but i had ‘em

all on their feet,

star of the show,

i was the lead

and the feature

at the same time,

only one who could

beat me

was me,

‘cause my top five

was just me five times,

swept ‘em off

their feet

with live shows

like you’ve never seen,

the stage was my home,

call me the GOAT,

so comfortable

on the throne,

couldn’t have a soul

at my throat,

and i had everybody

tryna hop on the boat.

baby girl was married

but she still hit me

in my DMs,

said these pics

won’t hurt

if he don’t see ‘em,

lil mama

came up in the place,

wanna say she ate

but she was really

a ten,

she let me in her room,

told her this new era

ain’t it,

but she still let me hit,

outta the park,

a showman like harper,

then she said

she’d end it with him

to be with me,

but i couldn’t stay

long enough to sleep,

i was on to the next one,

no jay-z or swizzy,

but you know

i was fancy,

she loved how i sang

that sweet R&B,

had all the keys

like i was alicia,

no, SZA,

i could only keep her

for the weeknd.

had everything i wanted

then asked “now what?”

made a billi’

then i thought

i’d be happier than ever,

but even with the world

screaming my name,

i felt like

i had nothing

when i walked off

that stage,

they didn’t care

about me

‘til i put on the mask,

parties were fun

for a minute

but i couldn’t stick with it,

look in the mirror

and hated what i was seeing,

who was i

underneath

my accomplishments?

tearing me apart

to let this character go on,

i gotta run from this life

before my time is gone.

get me back to me.

3. light pack

quit running

and let’s talk

for a minute,

you think

you can keep it in,

but this

won’t stay hidden,

done some shit

that should send you

to where diddy’s sittin’,

showed yourself

on cams

but still tryna brag

about the numbers,

sounding like

you’re compensating

for something,

go back to caring

about the city you’re from

instead of lying

like they love you

in mine,

actin’ all important

but your life

has always been a lie.

got the demeanor

of a theater kid,

but the best thing

that you’ve ever done

is still a light pack,

president

of the drama club

is where you peaked at,

Cs and Ds

might get degrees,

but you’d better leave

while you still got

your dignity,

i know secrets

about you

that i don’t intend

to keep,

touching girls

like a creep,

ain’t getting that shit

past me,

i know all your

dirty little secrets

and i can make sure

you’re a reject.

the parties getting lighter

by the year

because they see you

for who you really are,

thought you could

play up the charm,

but some of us

don’t fall that hard,

don’t think i’ll take it

easy on you,

don’t lie on me

and i won’t truth on you,

i know all the news

and i’ll spread it

faster than you spread

the nudes

you took of them ladies,

actin’ like it’s art

when you were just

looking to get it on,

but there’s a hook

i won’t let you get off,

i’ll take it far

and i’ll tell it all,

and i know that’s something

that you won’t want.

run, dog, run.

2. right all along

money changed it all,

suddenly i saw

my circle getting small,

but the faces

started changing,

takin’ em out west

to see the sunset

at the strip,

dinners out at nobu

with some chick

that i just met,

but i can never

let ‘em see

the house in the hills,

retreat back

after another failed date,

scribble all the pain

out on the page,

got told i fell off

by someone

who never got up,

once it was all love,

now they’re mad

they got caught.

i don’t got haters,

i got people

that hate themselves

and project that

onto me,

i don’t got friends,

i got people

that count on me

when it’s convenient,

i don’t got lovers,

i got people

who only call me

when they need a fix,

i can’t sell you

a dream,

but i’ll let you rent it

with no fees,

try to say

that you’ve been

missing me

just to get in

‘cause you want

this shit for free.

can’t wait for fate

to play its game,

taylor made

the way they’ll say

i was right all along,

they’ll see you

for who you really are

and they’ll walk away

without me even needing

to crash out,

i really came close

a couple other times,

better count your blessings

and watch the way

you talk,

one wrong word

and i’ll make you wish

you never had a mouth,

fuck the fame

and the position

it gave me,

i’ll go off the record

and drop the record

just to leave you wrecked.

don’t tempt me.

1. rigor mortis

never wanna stay out

on the north side,

it gets dark

real early out there,

can’t even remember

the last time

they turned the street lights on,

i was the leader

through the storm,

went to war with my team

tryna make it to the top,

give me three

of the baddest you got,

but make sure

you say your goodbyes

‘cause i’ll make sure

you never see ‘em again,

i’ll bring ‘em to places

they’ve never seen,

highs no one ever thought

they could achieve,

only to see ‘em

turn on me

and manipulate.

grab the polygraph

and i’ll pass

with flying colors,

everybody painting me

as a liar

but i’m the only one

who knows the truth,

not like you,

thinking that you run

the show

from the inside,

got a dash of power

then thought

you were the king,

didn’t even make

the list

yet you think

that you can talk

your shit,

you talk a big game

for someone

who ain’t steppin’ outside,

someone who’s never

had to look at their mistakes

from the other side.

but watch how you

speak on my name,

talk to me funny

and it might get scrappy,

you thought it was safe

but it’ll never be,

all your falsehoods

aren’t lost on me,

hard to forget

the ways you wronged me,

the shit you talked

and you way

you lied on me,

and you lied

even when you

didn’t speak

‘cause all you know

is lies,

did all the hard work

but you acted

like you were the guy,

keep my name

out your mouth

and i’ll keep the peace,

but watch yourself,

‘cause this rabbit hole

sure runs deep.

they’re not dumb.

poems for the club preface

it amazes me that we’re finally here. my 33rd poetry album, “poems for the club,” is finally yours. this is the poetry album i’ve been wanting to write for so long now; for at least the last year, i’ve wanted to create a project that disconnects a bit from more “personal” poetry and instead features more fictional work with a focus on storytelling. and i’ve certainly done that on some projects, but i’d never been able to put it all together for the duration of a full-length album. but now, i finally have, and i couldn’t be happier. as mentioned, this is an entirely fictional album, but unlike previous fictional albums that told one overarching narrative that stretched from poems 1 through 10, each poem on this album tells a different story with a different set of characters. there’s a solid range of tones and ideas throughout, and even a few twists here and there. this project took months to write, but i’m so happy to have finally gotten to the finish line with it. i hope you enjoy reading these poems as much as i enjoyed writing them. it’s a blessing that any of you stop by at any point to read these things, and i hope i can continue to make you proud:

1. rigor mortis

2. right all along

3. light pack

4. damn, that’s crazy. anyway…

5. vsco girls

6. buried alive

7. the boogeyman

8. donuts for dinner

9. life of the party

10. your best friend

11. before your eyes (bonus track)

you don't really know me

you don’t really know me.

i’m a tortured soul

obsessed with self-sabotage,

constantly plotting

the next way

i’ll make the good times

go away,

carefully crafting

the perfect plan

to lose everything i love,

might think about

unfollowing everyone

and then see

who sticks around,

spent so much time

tryna be right

for the wrong ones,

maybe i’ll find myself

in the people

who choose to stay,

even though

i should come

with a warning label.

feeling like everyone

i ever meet

should get the disclaimer,

don’t fall in love

with me

or let me fall back,

because you’ll only

end up

as a topic

in at least

seven of these,

always the bounceback

or the one

to make somebody jealous,

never really know

who likes me for me,

and honestly,

why would anybody?

all the progress

i’ve ever made

has never gotten me

better with love,

starting to feel like

it’ll never come.

keep thinking

they hate me,

but i guess it’s okay

‘cause i hate me too,

i’m still not forgiving myself

for things i did

a decade ago,

fighting wars with myself

over people

that mistreated me,

struggling to get past

my mistakes

in the situations

where i was manipulated,

it’s almost like

i’m forgetting who i am,

think it’s high time

that you run away

before i fall into

the same traps

and make the same mistakes

that i just can’t escape.

you don’t really know me.

open hearts and creative lies

dear kerry walk,

i never met you

and i already hate you,

and i don’t carry hate

in my heart

so don’t take that

with a grain of salt,

i hate you

just like i hate

david yager,

and yes,

i’m naming names,

how’s it feel

to take a century’s history

and throw it all away?

and shove it in the face

of the teachers

you couldn’t pay,

the students

who can’t finish

their education

and aren’t allowed

to communicate,

because

“advancing human creativity”

has never been

your priority.

a week’s notice

before you close

a touchstone,

and no one

got to know it

until the inquirer told,

and now you’re running

in every direction

to avoid the lawsuits,

acting like you cared

for the students

when you were raising

their tuitions

in a pandemic,

then couldn’t stand

to face them

even after

another billing statement

came their way,

now you’re trying

to stop them

from even having a say.

community comes together

on your steps

to show how much

they care,

and you’re still

pulling their hair,

you think you can keep

the wool over their eyes

with your

“open hearts and creative lies,”

virtual town hall canceled,

you’re cowards

from all angles,

even the admins

on your socials

are in anger,

fuck the memories

at this point

if this is what it means,

remembering an institution

that pulled the rug

from the feet

of its people

and left them

to pick up the pieces,

forced questlove

to be the voice of reason,

but quest said it best,

“this isn’t over.”

mama

mama,

it’s hard

to find the words

when it feels like

i’ve used them all,

how many more ways

can i say

how grateful

i am for you?

even when

i trip and i fall,

you’ve been there

through it all,

helping me push through

even when i feel

like there’s nothing

i can do,

and i know

that i goof and joke

when i gotta repeat

a story i’ve already told,

but the reality is

that i don’t know

how i’d do this

without you.

never needed comics

because you were

my superhero,

got the confidence

and a heart

the size of a hulk,

i hope to have

half of that

one day,

i hope to love

as unabashedly

as you have,

they said dogs

are a man’s best friend,

but it’s easy to see

why you’ve always been

cooper and teddy’s favorites,

the first friends

they ever made,

and i hope

one day

to live my life

with your level

of grace.

i know i don’t

say it enough,

but you were the first

that i loved,

even before i knew

what love was,

you were the first

i ever said

those three words to,

but they may never

be enough

to properly show

how much you mean,

today might be

a special day,

but you deserve

to be celebrated

for 365 plus,

the queen of the house,

and i’ll do

all that i can

to make you proud.

i love you, mom.

echo chamber, part 3

thought it was finally

my time,

longest winter ever

but now it’s summer’s

turn to shine,

only now,

i can’t get rid

of the dark clouds

in my mind,

never felt more

unheard in my life,

like it’s just me,

myself,

and whatever the hell

i write on this page,

every day

feels more painful

than the last,

thought i was on the path

to healing,

but all the demons

are revealing

the harsher feelings.

and i promise

i'm tryna watch

what i say,

i’ve got stronger words

i’ve held back

to protect the ones

i love,

already watching them

misconstrue

my true intentions

and turn me

to the bad guy,

promise i’m not

a terrible person,

i just wanted to help

make sure everyone

was alright,

all the drama

got me wishing

for a better time,

2019,

when everything felt nice

before the circle

became a warzone,

everybody firing shots

and scared to say

their true feelings

for fear of retaliation,

burning at the stake

when it all

could be squashed

with a conversation.

last night,

i thought about

the end of my life,

how much time

have i got

‘till i get there?

and is that

what it’ll take

to get everyone back

on the same page?

don’t wanna be

a sacrifice,

i wanna live a happy life,

i wanna heal,

i wanna feel

like i’m wanted

and heard,

i wanna work through

the bullshit

and get back

to something better

than this,

but i’m stuck

in a rut

with no way out,

and i’m wondering

who’s really here

for me?

i don’t know what to do anymore.

epilogue

but before i go,

send this message

to the world,

make sure the words

are all in bold.

i’ve been down

some roads

i wish i’d never known,

this life

has taken me

to places

that left me jaded,

so many times,

i’ve turned into

someone

i never wanted to be,

stared in the mirror

for hours

wondering what happened

to me,

lost myself

and wanted to hide

my face in shame.

but you never gave up.

had every right

to leave me

where i was at,

force me to pick up

the pieces

on my own,

come to grips

with all the ways

i’d gone wrong,

coped with my pain

in the worst ways

and lost my mind,

made a lot of people

wanna say goodbye.

but through all the loss,

who’d have thought

you’d still be here

next to me?

when the world

came crashing down,

you picked me up

from out of the rubble,

sat next to me

quietly

just so i wouldn’t be alone,

when it felt like

all the backs were turned,

you were a shoulder

to cry on,

never hesitated

to extend a hand,

and no matter

how many came and went,

you never left.

and i’m so proud

of how you’ve grown,

you may not always

believe in yourself,

but i believe in you

more than i’ve ever

believed in myself,

and i’m happy

that there’s still an “us,”

may not always

love yourself,

but i promise

“just you”

is more than enough,

you’re the reason

i keep on going,

life is worth it

for you alone,

and i’m glad that fate

made it so

that we ended up

in the same room

that day.

thank you for being you.

3. i wrote the book on self-loathing

tryna muster the strength

to get out of bed,

but i’m too stuck

in my head,

a modern day mr. jones,

just wanna be beautiful

but every time

i’m counting crows,

only 13 show,

it seems i’ve kept

the devil in the know,

he’s been working overtime

on my life,

“fate is kind,”

that’s disney’s biggest lie,

if that was the case,

i wouldn’t be cursed

with the pain

inside my mind.

can’t wait for them

to name a new

mental health disorder

after me,

pretty easy to see

why they’re tired of me,

i’m not cut out

for “fun”

so i’ll be left in the dust,

all i ever do

is bring down

everyone that i’m around,

i’m sinking

into the swamp

like i’m artax,

‘cause who’d wanna be

around someone

who radiates this much sadness?

got some shit

i wanna say

that i’ll hold

to the chest

so i don’t leave ‘em worried,

i made that mistake

and hurt important people,

trust i don’t wanna

do it again,

but just like i said

in 2020,

they’re all better without me,

i bring no value,

and all the happiest days

are the ones

i’m not part of,

should just leave ‘em alone

and disappear,

hide my face in shame

and go away,

i’m too dependent

on ‘em anyway,

they’ll be great

and it’ll all be okay,

‘cause i’m nothing

without them

but they don’t need me

in the same way.

you’ll be fine without me.

go be happy.

2. i’m sorry my poems ruined your life

took a minute

to process

and i went back

to the past,

remembered someone

that i shouldn’t have,

all the poems

i devoted to them

that i should’ve held

to the chest,

don’t deny my part

in any pain,

but i wish you did

the same,

accountability was never

your favorite game,

i’ve always been easy

to manipulate,

and i was wrapped

around your finger,

you were so filled

with hate

but why do i

so clearly remember

your warm embrace?

you never miss them,

you just miss

who you thought they were,

the fleeting moments

that you can’t repeat

since they went off,

blissful and ignorant

of the ways

they changed you,

how they’d break you

and make you

question everything

you thought you knew

about yourself,

throw your confidence

on the shelf,

light the gas

and watch the flame engulf,

i have every reason

to wish you the worst,

but i don’t.

i hope you’re treating him

better

than you treated me,

i hope you’ve grown up

and tried to be

a better person,

quit talking about

“that’s just who i am”

and own up

where you must,

you’re the reason

i find it harder to trust

and swore off love,

but i can’t live

with anger or disgust,

i hope that karma

taught you something

and you listened,

dropped all the pettiness,

projection and disses,

act a little less

dismissive

and learn to accept.

i’m still learning to forgive.

1. i wouldn’t wanna hang out with me either

welcome to the ride,

come along

and i’ll take you inside

this twisted mind,

you seem to have

a lot of patience

to choose a guy

like me,

someone who will find

a way

not to appreciate

the greatness

you can give,

i’ve been known to sabotage

and ruin my chances,

let my own actions

cause me to lose

the good things in life,

and you mean a lot

to me

so come watch me

fuck it up

all in one night,

i’ll be the temporary

friend in your life,

give you five minutes

until you learn

that i’m unexciting,

and with my permission,

you can kick me

to the curb,

you won’t have to worry

about hurting me,

because chances are

i deserve it,

i’ve always been

the buzzkill,

best at bringing

the mood down,

and all my attempts

to improve

just inch me closer

to my doom,

so you can decide

if you’d still like to ride,

i promise

i won’t be hurt

if you say no.

it’s probably better

for you anyway.

a day in the life EP preface

surprise! i’m sure you weren’t expecting this but thank you for stopping by on such short notice. today, i’ve brought you my milestone 10th poetry EP, “a day in the life EP.” this is (i believe) the first time ever that i’ve released a poetry project without any prior announcement, teases, snippets, or indications that i was working on one. truth be told, this was a spur-of-the-moment thing; as the name suggests, i wrote this EP out in a day, as i just had some stuff on my mind and wanted to write. i once heard a wise mind say that, if you’re ever struggling or not feeling your greatest, write it out. so i took that advice and just let some emotions pour out here. i hope you enjoy these poems; it’s been difficult lately, but i’m glad i still have anyone who stops by to read my work. now if you don’t mind, i’m off to sleep; i have a big day ahead of me today (i’m finally gonna get the help i need, i hope). until then, enjoy these new poems:

1. i wouldn’t wanna hang out with me either

2. i’m sorry my poems ruined your life

3. i wrote the book on self-loathing

10. hug the people you love and care about a little tighter

emma left yesterday.

no sadder day

than saturday,

i wish you could’ve stayed,

so many more words

you had left to say,

all you wanted

was to make something

of yourself

in some way,

but it’s been taken.

you fought it all,

but the pain

was too much to take,

mama was distraught

at the thought,

because no mom

ever thinks

they’ll be the one

to bury their daughter.

you inspired me

daily,

your passion for your craft

and that brilliant mind

made me want

to get better at mine,

i wouldn’t be

half the man i’ve become

if not for your love,

you’re the only one

i ever thought of,

and i want to make sure

that your story

lives on.

i only wish

you got to be here

to tell that story.

i don’t know

how i’ll go through

these days

without you around,

i still feel like

i see you

somehow,

i don’t know

where you go in the end,

but i hope

you hold my hand

and be my guide,

i hope your soul

never truly dies.

if you see God,

tell Him i said “thanks,”

He and i

don’t see eye to eye,

but if He’s real,

i’m glad He put you

in my life,

the tears

roll down my eyes,

but i know

you’d want me to smile,

remember the good times,

all the joy

and the light of your life,

hallelujah

to the beautiful emma,

i’ll make sure your memory

lives on forever.

mama says she loves you.

9. today was the longest month of my life

sun beckons in my room

and i haven’t slept

a minute,

the insomnia’s

been winning

and it’s hard to fix it,

the winter

casts its firm grasp

once again,

the weakest season

where happy moments

feel fleeting,

and a fresh start

gets thrown in the trash.

it’s a dark time

and it feels endless,

i’m trapped

in my perpetual sadness

and the self-hate

creeps its way

back in,

suddenly,

everything comes crashing down,

and positivity

is nowhere to be found.

and every time i bounce back,

it never lasts,

only feel it for a minute,

then it’s gone in an instant,

every habit

gets its benefits depleted

in no time flat,

and i’m back to feeling

like i’m worthless,

like everything i do is bad.

every mistake i make

feels catastrophic,

it’s all exploding

around me,

and i’m vibing

while surrounded

by fire,

and once it all burns down,

i’m seated in the rubble,

because everything i love

has started to crumble.

embarrassed about

my own existence,

feel like i wanna disappear

for just a little bit,

retreat back to my shell,

i thought I finally broke out,

but now,

i’m right back where i started,

it’s like i can never

be comfortable for long

because bad luck

is creeping around the corner.

i once won an award

in school

for being in the background,

so maybe hiding

is something i’m destined for,

maybe i’m just bound

to push away

all the good people

that come my way,

they’ve been there

and continued to care

despite my bad mental state,

and i feel like

i’ve only caused them pain.

and every time

i think i could shake

the demons from the past,

they come back

to lead me astray.

do scars ever

truly heal?

or do they merely fade

and serve

as a painful reminder

of your worst days?

25 but i still got

a lot of growing to do,

i wanna get out

of my own way,

escape the darkest parts

of my own brain,

and be the version of me

my people deserve,

i’ve barely been ready

to be an adult

since day one,

but i’m tryna do better,

and i only hope

that better

is good enough.

8. this is the closest i’ve gotten to putting my screenwriting degree to use

falling back

on old habits,

shutting myself out

in sadness

and ignoring the ones

i shouldn’t be,

and it takes me back,

to a time

of better things.

i just really wish

i could see allie again.

one of my

best friends,

made the bad times good

and the best times better,

we were always together,

so many TMI convos

you confided in me

between the laughs

we shared,

you used to miss home,

it was so far away,

some days,

that jet lag

was too much to take,

but you made

the most of it.

even when

you were homesick,

down in the dumps

because some asshole

stood you up,

you still lit up my day,

remember that time

that you told me,

“i’d totally date you.”

i kinda wish i took you up on that.

i was always

so distracted

by the wrong ones

that i didn’t see

the right one

standing in front of me,

who even knows

if we were meant to be,

but i’d like to believe.

sometimes i wish

i could go back

to that night in her dorm room,

wish i just kissed her then

before she left,

wish i hadn’t been so distant

in the time since,

head wasn’t on straight

and i coped

in the wrong ways.

you’re all i’m thinking of

in this club tonight,

you always loved to party

and i wish i’d joined you

once or twice,

just to know

if the feeling was right,

or just to spend

some more time

with a special person

in my life.

but instead,

i pour my sorrows

into the cup,

dive in and drown,

the alcohol

gives me all

the liquid courage

i could ever need,

but i turn away

anyone that comes up to me,

i tell ‘em

“i’m waiting for allie,”

but i’ll be waiting

‘till the end of time

if i wanna see her again.

i wish you were here.

7. why do medications have side effects if they’re supposed to help you?

from the nothing

i emerged,

and to the nothing

i’ll one day go,

another day

i spend fixating

on my fate

and where i came from.

we begin

and end

in a hospital bed,

but what happens

when the lights turn off?

they were off once,

why don’t i remember?

billions of years

where i was just asleep?

then why am i so tired?

insomnia

shouldn’t be a problem

if i was so good

at sleeping then,

before i popped in

without my permission.

and one day,

i’ll be gone

without my permission?

well that’s not fair.

and no one

can tell me

what it feels like,

because no one

who’s ever died

has lived to tell the tale,

something we all face,

but what is fate like

when we get there?

it’s why you gotta

find happiness

in life,

because it goes by

in a flash,

i’m tryna be happy,

but why does peace

elude me?

why can’t i escape

the intrusive thoughts

long enough

to calm down?

why was it

so easy before,

but it’s harder now?

all my fears

refuse to disappear,

it’s like i’m seeing them

crystal clear,

and now i can’t see

my future

because everything else

has gone fuzzy,

where am i even going?

and i’m scared

of being forgotten,

so many end up

lost to time,

and i don’t wanna die

a nobody,

i wanna be somebody,

i wanna make an impact

that lives on

long after i’m gone.

i wanna find comfort,

‘cause what’s a long life worth

if you ain’t happy

in the end?

i’m tryna live,

because i still ain’t happy yet,

and when i get there,

i wanna keep going

and find more happiness,

i’m struggling to figure out

how to be,

and how to feel,

but i’m tryna believe

that one day

i will.

6. a poem for the days when standing up feels hard

it kills me

every time

you say you’re not

good enough,

you’re so loved

and you deserve it all,

you’ve shared stories

with me

that few eyes get to read,

and i wish

there was an easy way

to say how much you mean,

not just to me,

but to so many.

fighting all the battles

you’ve been forced to face,

yet you’re still here today,

doing your best

to keep a smile

on your face,

even when life tries

to erase it,

you’ve got the kind of strength

i wish i could have,

independent and smart

and unapologetically “you,”

and i wish you didn’t

have to deal with

as much as you do.

i just wanna wipe

that tear

from your eye,

help you hold your head

up high,

it’s a trying time,

but i want to do

what i can

to help you see

the light

on the other side of life.

you’ve been through so much

and the year’s just started,

you’re tired

because all these battles

have left you jaded,

i wish i could help you

take the weight off

that brain of yours,

carried it to the chest

out of fear

it would bother them,

but i promise

it’s not a burden.

rest your weary head

on my shoulder,

i’ll keep you safe,

the demons

won’t invade this space,

it’s been tough,

but there’ll be better days,

i’m here for you

the whole way,

and i’ll do all that i can

to make sure you’re okay.

5. it was a happy valentine’s day until this poem came along

the loner

that’s aching for companionship,

scared to commit

because of all the times

i’ve been scarred by it,

but it feels like life

lacks fulfillment

if you don’t have someone

to share it with,

and i’ve never

been close enough

to know what love is.

every time

i think i found a lover,

it’s star-crossed,

they’re never aligned

and it makes me wonder

if it’ll ever be my time.

valentine’s day

made its way here

so fast,

everyone’s falling in love

while i’m on the run,

anytime the feelings

start to bubble up,

i fizzle out,

too scared to face them

head on,

so i write poems

until they pass,

except they never do.

we’re born alone,

we die alone,

so we’re all looking

for a connection

while we’re here,

but my connection

got cut short,

someone snipped the cord

and no amount of solder

could put it back

to what it once was.

i’d barely stand a chance

anyway,

everyone would always say

you have to love yourself

to love someone else,

as if i could love

all the problems i’ve got,

love is a risk

and i’m stuck in my cocoon,

never to step out.

don’t even feel like

i can handle it,

already fold under pressure

and a relationship’s

the greatest deal of it,

wanna be a good partner

but would i be enough?

so much stress on myself,

a pathological people pleaser

like taylor,

and yeah…

i wouldn’t marry me either.

who would see anything in me anyway?

4. i’m not saying i’m spider-man but have you ever seen us in the same room?

they said they wanna see

what a tortured poet

really looks like,

i got a couple hundred

you can read

if you’re tryna see

my life,

take a step

outside your mind

to check out mine.

a twisted vision,

25

but a kid

on the inside,

out of place

with everyone in sight,

using these words

as a means to stay alive

because writing

is the only thing

he really does right.

the revolution

will not be televised,

like desmond said,

you’re just gonna feel it

so be advised,

knocked down

a hundred times

yet still

i rise

like maya,

the poetry king

as advertised,

live and in the flesh,

getting some rhymes off

to remind you

why his mind

is one of the greatest alive.

“they don’t build statues

of the critics,”

so good thing

i’m a poet, too,

a wizard with words

that might be

unheard,

but like HOV said,

i’ll keep showing up,

and i’ll get the trophies

i know i deserve.

emily was ahead

of her time,

so i guess i’ll be

ahead of mine,

everybody

will be writing

and they’ll be thanking me,

all the next-gen poets

i’ll be inspiring,

put me in

the hall of fame already,

mo’s the only one

to get in unanimously

but he’s about

to have some company.

no debate,

i’m the greatest

who’s ever done it

but i’m still not done yet,

i’d say i’m in my prime

but i got a prime

that’s lasting my whole life,

i’ll probably never peak

because i’ll just keep

topping

every last thing i write,

they might be

sleeping on me,

but they’ll see me,

one day,

it’ll be my name

on the marquee.

3. i had a different name planned but i was politely asked to censor it

december 25th,

the most special time,

can you hear

the music?

can you feel

the joy

in the air?

it’s christmas day,

hooray!

i’m still depressed.

bury myself

in my work

to distract me

from the war

my conscience is fighting in,

maybe a minute

to forget

all the existential shit,

soon as midnight hit,

i couldn’t feel the spirit,

what good is it

when a holiday

has nothing special to give?

childlike joy

from the presents

no longer exists,

and the meaning

of it all

gets lost

when God’s not home,

so what’s even left

in this?

spend the day

home alone like kevin,

made ‘em disappear,

but unlike the movies,

there’s no happy ending,

say that blood

is thicker than water

just to trick you

and bleed you dry,

and all you’re good for

in their eyes

is gossip and lies.

they try to paint me

as the bad guy

even when i’m in the right,

ignore all the signs

and try to find

anyone but themselves

to take the blame,

take advantage of you

in your lowest mental states.

i’m just tryna make it

to new year’s day,

none of them see

the way

i’m fighting,

i’m tryna survive,

but my line of sight

is like every answer

they give

because i can’t

get ‘em straight.

how was i

so blinded before?

what did i do

to push through

the abuse?

what made me

so starry eyed

and oblivious

to it all before?

how was the boy

so positive

in that environment?

sometimes i wish

i could go back in time

and ask that kid

for advice,

how’d you put up

with the guy?

i doubt he’d have

sounded wise,

though i’m sure

it’d be real nice.

but i gotta stay

in this current time

and let ‘em run

with their stories,

i’ll give ‘em

something to write about,

make me the villain

in your superhero movie,

just remember

that this life

is really knives out,

and a twist

can come

at any moment.

so keep writing those scripts.

we’ll see

who the real villain is

in the end.

2. is it narcissistic to use the term “self-effacing” to describe yourself?

i’ve been holding onto hope

for far too long,

keep telling myself

that it’ll have to get better,

something will change

and luck will return,

but it feels like each day,

there’s a new worst,

thought i’d reached the lowest point

but somehow,

i’ve buried the bar underground.

it never gets easier,

just a little less sad,

every day

is a new kinda bad,

i just wanna be

a better friend,

but i just keep finding ways

to mess it up again.

i’m sorry for the times

when i’m distant,

i just get busy

thinking

of all the reasons

why i don’t deserve you,

i didn’t wanna do it again,

but i’m back to feeling

like they all deserve better

than me.

that self-hate

is what sent me

to the worst place

in the first place,

i thought i could escape

but it always

finds a way

to drag me back in,

creating more harmful

ruminations

that i can’t erase,

do whatever it takes

but they won’t go away.

comparison

is the root of all evil,

but i can’t stop doing it,

they all got

these big plans

and ambitions,

while i’m nothing

but dreams and delusions.

and the tides of life

got me terrified,

got me scared

of ending up alone,

everyone wants

to find a new place

to call home,

but the city’s

the only home i know.

let me get out of my mind,

just for a bit,

i tell everyone else

that life is worth it,

i wish i felt that

about myself,

suffocated by my own

expectations

and i’m just trying

to reach them,

even though i can’t breathe,

guess i’ll keep

holding onto hope

that i find some relief.

i’m going home now.

1. i had the best night of my life last night until i woke up

another trip around the sun,

25 but who’s counting?

i’ve got everything

that i could ever want

outside of love,

success, comfort,

stability and sanity,

but i’ve got everything else!

wake up midday

to a feeling of dread,

but at least i’m feeling

anything at all,

still have to wait

to talk to a therapist,

but i struck up

a nice conversation

with the wall.

waste an hour

after my shower

while i ponder

all the troublesome thoughts,

then remind myself

how much the hobbies i loved

no longer bring me much.

it’s a quiet life

but it’s the life for me,

i’m like cassie

the way i’ve never ever

been happier,

we’re all just trying

to keep it together,

but like peter, i’m just

tryna do better,

and i’m failing miserably.

i say that i’m fine

while i’m dead inside,

barely feeling

like i have

enough words to write,

they always say

“you’re exactly where

you’re supposed to be.”

so where i’m

supposed to be

is sad and lonely?

really?

the GPS must be malfunctioning,

because how’d i get

so existential on the ride?

smiling and dying

at the same damn time,

am i really living

or am i just alive?

the days feel long,

but they’re gone in an instant,

january took forever

but how it’s already february?

and i just wanna feel

like i’m worth it,

a young man burdened

by his glorious purpose,

i barely even know

what it is

because i’m just trying

to live,

i’m scared i’ll lose it all,

but at least then,

i’ll have nothing to lose,

been at the bottom

so long

that i’ve even got a bed

down here.

take a step out

for a minute,

time spent with my friends

that i already miss

while i’m still in it,

every ride home

brings the same melancholy,

when the night’s over

and i’m all alone,

back at the house

with only my thoughts,

“goodnight, peoples,

i’m definitely not thinking

about death anymore.”

just fixating.

what a life.

be safe preface

it always warms my heart to see all of you still here. today, i bring you my 32nd poetry album, “be safe.” it’s amazing to me that i’ve gotten to write this many. this project came amid some very rough times in my personal life, as i’ve been trying to keep my head on straight while i wait to receive the help that i need (wow, that could’ve been a line on the album). in the meantime, i’ve found that writing can help heal through those tough times, so i thought i should do it, as writing is one of the only things i’m particularly good at. i also wanted to get a bit more creative with the formatting on this one, unleashing my raw feelings in a bit of a different way. i’m unbelievably proud of what i’ve made here, and i hope it brings comfort to anyone who may also be struggling. take care of yourselves, and as the title says, “be safe”:

1. i had the best night of my life last night until i woke up

2. is it narcissistic to use the term “self-effacing” to describe yourself?

3. i had a different name planned but i was politely asked to censor it

4. i’m not saying i’m spider-man but have you ever seen us in the same room?

5. it was a happy valentine’s day until this poem came along

6. a poem for the days when standing up feels hard

7. why do medications have side effects if they’re supposed to help you?

8. this is the closest i’ve gotten to putting my screenwriting degree to use

9. today was the longest month of my life

10. hug the people you love and care about a little tighter