where is he?

starting to wonder if
i’ve got them asking,
“where is he?” i was
stuck, uncreative, in
this state of disarray
and i couldn’t think
of how to manage it,
stopped and started
to wonder if this was
the end of it, and i’d
be falling off just like
i had in the last year.

but i’m patient,
taking my time
with this to find
the right idea to
catch their eyes,
let this be known,
the king won’t go
leave the throne,
he’s cooking and
a little unsteady
but ready to get
back in and win it.

i hope you all hear
what he has to say,
because not all kings
are happy and joyous,
the crown creates fear
and adds to the drama.
but he’s got a message:
there’s new stories and
experiences to be told,
and now it’s high time
for his paranoia to be
shown off to the world.

coming soon.

i don't wanna lose you

i look around and
i start wondering
where everyone
went, feeling like
i’m all on my own,
no one wants me.
stuck in this zone,
it’s lonely and cold,
world turns away
and everyone will
follow on with it.

but i don’t wanna lose you.

since they all
want to leave,
i just want to
know that you
will be the one
to stay with me.
please, i’m here
and i don’t feel
great right now,
feeling like i can’t
do this all alone.
i can’t keep going
on my lonesome.

tell me that you’ll
be by my side, and
help me keep up the
work i’ve been doing.
need help, not harm,
positive, no negative,
just stick with me and
tell me you won’t leave.
when they all go away,
tell me you won’t follow,
need all i can get now,
don’t give up on me.

just please stay with me.

afraid

i had someone ask me
if there’s anything that
doesn’t make me afraid.
you’d think that i’d hate it,
but as a writer, i’d happen
to be the the most afraid.
be lying if i told you that
i’m never scared. shame?
nah, this is just how it goes,
second-thoughts about all
that i ever put out, and i’m
used to it because fear is
all that i feel these days.

even when i’m happy,
i’m scared, i feel like
i might lose you, or
that i’ll lose all this.
my creativity will die
like a flash of light,
and i already feel
like it’s happening,
february 2019, first
month where i didn’t
put out a full-length
album in over a year,
what a time it’s been,
haven’t worked on 21,
where will i take this?

back to feeling like
i’m losing my friends,
people i care about
started heading out,
got me feeling like
i’m not enough now.
right behind them,
my inspiration goes,
and i’m stuck here
letting fear take me.
i wanna smile, but
instead, i struggle,
all i want now is to
have my spark back.

is that too much to ask?

you're weird

you’re strange.

you’re bizarre.

you’re not like
everyone else.

you’re different.

you’re odd.

you’re weird.

but what’s wrong
with being weird?

we’re all weird.

if you’re not weird,
you’re not living.

no one isn’t weird.

some are scared
to admit it, though.

they all want to
seem normal.

but what is normal?

no one is normal.

everyone’s weird.

why are some people
scared to be weird?

don’t be afraid.

just enjoy it.

tell it to yourself.

it’s not gonna hurt.

“you’re weird.”

since you left

saw you the other day,
arm wrapped around
another lover, and it
hurt me, as i thought
back to when it was
you and i together.
i miss what we were,
pain never goes away,
i wish everyday to go
back to april and may,
shit has hardly been the
same since, i would say.

i could move on with
another, i’m well aware,
but they don’t compare
to you in the slightest,
they’d love to have me,
but the attention feels
empty when it’s not you,
it just doesn’t match up.
tried and tried but i just
end up back in this rut,
longing and hoping, but
it’ll never happen again.

every love brings me
back where i started,
falling too far to the
point of hurt, and i
guess that’s why i
hardened, started
acting more distant,
i’m awkward and i’m
scared to talk about it.
i miss it all, and there’s
nothing to fill the void
that was left before.

love hurts.

5. i am no longer creative

i am no longer creative.

i am drained.

i am not ready.

i have so much to do.

i can’t do it.

i’m not creative enough.

i’ll never do it.

i’ll never improve.

i’m at a breaking point.

i’m really pushing.

it hurts to try harder.

they made me hate it.

they breathe down my neck.

i am uncomfortable.

i am done.

i am no longer creative.

4. it doesn't matter

it doesn’t matter.

who cares
where we are?

who cares
what they think?

who cares
about ferraris?

who cares
about dollars?

who cares
about chains?

who cares
about mansions?

materialism.

it’s a temporary joy.

it’s gone as soon
as it comes over.

it breaks us.

it ruins us.

everyone’s jealous.

i have more than them.

but i don’t have them.

it’s empty since
you went away.

i’d give the money
back to have you.

it doesn’t matter.