10. lonesome

there he goes again,

the poor, lonely man

sitting out on his porch,

20 something, handsome,

but there was never

a smile on his face

when i saw him seated

on the porch’s bench.

he’d merely stare

if you gave him a wave,

i’d only see the man

drink his sorrows away,

the feeling of emptiness,

often only internal,

suddenly felt as though

it jumped out and sat

right next to him.

what was he thinking?

what was his story?

why did he hurt?

what caused his pain?

a picture on the porch,

his mom and his dad,

pops left, mom’s dead,

now it’s only him,

gotta make it on his own,

i’d like to hear his stories out,

bet he’d make you feel the pain

in every word he’d say.

pray for his peace,

pray he finds himself,

pray that, one day,

he makes his mama proud.

9. illusion, part 3

this is the most scared

that i’ve felt all day,

heard a local artist installed

a spinning spiral piece,

wanted to see it

but i kept my distance,

hoped the crowd would fade

but it’s been this big all day,

take a deep breath

and try to brave the storm,

get as close as i can

before it kicks in.

in the middle of the pile,

i try to stand up

on my tippy toes,

just wanted a peak,

does it really spin?

from a distance,

it surely does,

fading in and out

on the page,

there’s never an end,

works just as planned.

but after a minute,

i finally feel it,

the crowd around me

feels taller than i thought,

i try to keep breathing,

but my vision’s black

and the crowd’s chatter

starts to fade out,

everything will be fine,

just don’t fall down,

keep my balance,

keep my balance,

keep my balance,

keep my…

nope.

8. woodpecker

banging my head

against these trees,

i deal with the rigors

of living among the picidae,

i’m called “insane,”

you don’t know my pain,

antisocial, i shake,

chase and i feed,

i want to live in solitary,

can we keep it that way?

stop calling me woody

and get the hell away from me.

i am the woodpecker

and this is my forest,

today i awoke in the noon,

sometimes i think i’m an owl,

but dad doesn’t like that,

he tells me it’s time

to get out of my nest,

fend for myself,

grow and live on my own.

but i’m not ready yet.

look at everyone else,

they got their families,

they found their purpose,

but cut to me,

and i’m stuck

inside my mama’s nest,

still in endless debt,

and i wonder if i’ll ever get

away from my pain,

i guess this is life’s test

to see how much i can take.

7. days in macaroni

we used to call it “macaroni,”

too young to say it right,

think back to the times

where we would climb,

sit so high, you’d think

we were royalty,

crawl through the tunnel

and down the slide we go,

remember being the kid

who wanted to be the best

and swing the highest?

adventure!

cut to my teens,

and a few paces away,

we’d play on the field,

baseball was our game,

i wasn’t the strongest bat,

but i’ll never forget when

i turned a popup to first

into a home run,

or when the others played

with the infield in,

and i hit it over their heads,

hustled home and scored a run.

i almost felt like jeter.

now, when i walk by,

i see everyone else

having their fun

in the same way i did,

wish i could go back,

it all felt so quick,

suddenly i’m 21

and there’s no one

to play baseball with,

but hopefully, these kids

will make great memories

like i did long ago.

it’s pronounced “marconi,” by the way.

6. illusion, part 2

why the hell am i here?

of all the places

mom could take me

for my spring break,

it had to be this?

some creepy exhibit

of optical bullshit?

i could think of ten

better places to spend

my vacation, but nope,

i’ve gotta be cramped in

with some super nerds

looking at these brain teasers.

do none of them know about google?

and why are so many people

crowding around spinning spirals?

you guys paid $15 for this?

the internet is free, you know!

can’t you look this up

on your phone?

you act like you’ve never

seen it before,

haven’t gifs rendered

these silly things extinct?

how do they keep getting

such giant crowds?

mom, can we go home now?

5. sportsball ring

i never understood

what dad saw in that thing.

of all the keepsakes

to place on display,

why a stupid football ring?

it’s not like he played the game.

all he ever did

was sit and watch

with his friends,

i’d hear them curse

and yell at the TV,

they’d say some things

i wouldn’t even repeat.

what was the big deal?

a bunch of guys

threw some ball around,

won a big game,

and get these shiny rings?

guess it’s all because

he waited so long,

dad wanted something

his childhood couldn’t give,

seeing his team succeed

after years and years,

he’ll treasure the feeling forever,

no matter whether the team

sinks or swims from here,

that one special year

will never leave his memory,

i guess it’s best to just

let him have that victory.

i still don’t like the yelling, though.

4. illusion, part 1

like nothing i’ve ever seen,

swarms of people gathered here

to witness my first framed piece,

years i thought i’d wasted

made their way into this exhibit,

and so many are flocking to it,

whether or not it’s their favorite,

the fact that they came today

to celebrate a local like me,

i couldn’t believe it.

i cut my way to the front

to get a single shot

i can show to my mom,

i’ll tell her, “look, i made it!”

she’ll smile and squeeze

the life out of me, but first,

she’ll need to see it,

with my hood up,

i say “excuse me,”

and make my way through

this massive group,

chatterboxes that critique,

“who made this? it’s great!”

i make it to the front,

and there it is.

my beautiful illusion,

black and white circles

spin in succession,

just like the audience,

i’m somehow hypnotized

by my own work,

the optical games

at play,

i love how they

go off the page,

i didn’t think it’d work,

but they keep spinning

and i almost forgot

to capture it for mom,

good thing i got the video

before it pulled me in.