10. (lullaby)

my dearest one,

i surround you

with my love.

for you’re the only one

i’ve ever thought of.

i’ve made many choices

good and bad

in my days.

but you’re the best one

i’ve ever made.

and i know today,

you may be weary.

but i promise

you are loved

so dearly.

remember these words

as you lay

your head.

close your eyes

and rest,

dream sweetly

in your bed.

even if

i’m not here,

i promise

i’m not far behind.

for even after

i’m gone,

you’ll still be

in my sight.

i’ll keep you warm

as you’re wrapped

in my arms.

with me,

you’ll be protected

and you’ll never

know harm.

a kiss on your head

as you drift off

to sleep.

i’m right here,

my darling,

there’s no need

to weep.

rain, snow or shine,

you can find me

in the sky.

i love you forever,

and i’m always

by your side.

good night, my love.

9. (milkshake duck)

they never prepare you

for the fame,

lost myself

in the lights

and started chasing

those highs,

wanted to be

on everyone’s screens,

but didn’t realize

this is how it would be.

they found out

my name

while i was reckoning

with my worst days,

all the times

i stepped on others,

cheated and lied,

said words

i’d never utter today,

no attention

to the weight

they’d hold.

always got told

i’d learn

when i was older,

but i thought

i’d be young forever,

hard-headed

and never letting

myself grow,

so busy chasing

what i thought

i wanted

that i wasn’t

stepping back

to look in the mirror.

i wanted

to make headlines,

but not in that way,

all eyes on me

and suddenly,

i’m feeling their pain,

perpetuating

a cycle of hate

for my selfish gain,

and only having

the gall

to call it out

when i got caught.

i did plenty wrong,

it was stupid of me,

but words are hollow

if i choose to wallow

instead of working on it,

it was the kick

in the ass

that i needed

to be better

for those around me,

the ones who never

lost faith in me.

i didn’t deserve

their grace

but they gave it anyway,

now i gotta learn

from my mistakes,

and let me be

your lesson

on the dangers of fame,

make that change

and take control

of your behaviors

before it’s too late.

8. (let it circulate)

i know

what it’s like

to be pushed aside,

tried to hijack

my story

and write me in

as the bad guy,

all because

you couldn’t face down

your lies,

pride is the devil

and this could’ve

been avoided

if you just put yours

on the lower level.

you think

that i ain’t privy

to your slip-ups?

your master plan

of throwing stones

and hiding hands,

don’t let me find out

you’re running

your big mouth

while you sentence everyone

to silence

and abuse

your delusion of power.

you tried

to cut off

the blood flow,

but i’ll let it circulate,

think you run

the party,

but i’ll be the one

that takes the cake,

you only ever tried

to take food

from my plate,

intimidated by me

‘cause you know

i hold the truth,

but i’ll put it away

and spare you

the humiliation.

i try

to give ‘em grace,

because they’ve never been

through anything,

don’t know real pain

even when they

inflict it

someone else’s way,

and you fucked up

as soon as

you spoke on my name,

sold them a story

and spun a tale,

acting like the hero

when you were

never truly there.

but i’ll leave this

as the warning

to watch

who you step to,

since you never

could control

what spilled out,

i could double down,

but i’ll spare you now,

you’re a manipulator,

but i won’t fight

fire with flames,

i got it loaded,

take it easy

and i’ll shut off

all the burners,

but if you take it there,

you know

i’ll take it further.

don’t tempt me.

7. (the west end)

there’s only pain

on the day of love,

a holiday

where i only wanna

hide my face,

for everyone else,

it’s a day of joy,

but i’ve only ever

felt pain

from cupid’s arrow.

thought i had it all

but it wouldn’t last,

connected

in the west end,

but it got wicked

at the apollo,

weeks flew by

and you’d never show,

every conversation,

you gave the cold shoulder,

then left

without a warning sign.

you said always

then you walked away,

who breaks

someone’s heart

on valentine’s day?

it’s like

i’m only meant

to be replaced,

not even

in my own story

do i get to play

the lead.

life’s about connections,

but it feels like

all of mine

get severed,

it’s fun while it lasts,

but it never lasts long,

and i’m losing my mind

because i don’t know

how many times

i can replay

the same old song.

and so i hide

on valentine’s,

because loneliness

is my lot in life,

just missed chances

and maybes

with a sprinkle

of self-hatred,

love is fun

for the ones

who are lucky,

and it seems like

that’ll never be me.

i feel like giving up.

6. (interlude)

oh hey!

glad you’ve made it

this far

in the album.

that last one

was a bit heavy,

wasn’t it?

why don’t you

give yourself

a break?

you’ve been through

the wringer

lately,

and i bet

you’ve been really stressed.

and you might be

a bit hard

on yourself.

but the fact

that you’re still here

is a blessing

to me.

you deserve

to be gentle

with yourself.

take a minute

to breathe.

maybe grab some water.

and if no one

has told you this

recently,

you are valid.

you may be

the only person

feeling how you feel,

but that’s okay!

you may feel weak,

but there’s nothing wrong

with being weak.

it’s just a sign

that you’re human.

so don’t be afraid

to let yourself feel

what you’re feeling

authentically.

you’re valid either way.

i’m glad you’re here.

and if you

haven’t heard it yet…

i’m proud of you.

i hope that helps.

now, back to the show…

5. (the 20s)

“enjoy your 20s,”

so they always say.

it’s your physical prime,

so have the time

of your life,

make the memories

you’ll live with

for the next 60,

and lucky me,

it’s all mapped out.

i get to spend

my 20s

in the roaring 20s,

nothing but fun

on the path

to comfort,

the world’s my oyster,

and it’s time

for me

to finally be the star.

so i thought.

20, i was ruined by love,

21, i missed some chances,

22, i lost to a pandemic,

23, i couldn’t keep from being sick,

24, i made some progress,

25, i got existential,

26, i’m tryna keep it together.

i’m doing a great job, by the way.

every move i make

feels scrutinized,

like i’m not

doing something right,

and it doesn’t help

my mind

that i feel like

i ain’t worth

the box

that i stand on.

i’m not worthy

of love,

and probably

never will be,

pushing closer to 30

but i feel like

i’m 13,

everyone

is handling themselves

on their own,

but i wouldn’t know

the first step

to independence.

i guess

this is my destiny,

it’s self-fulfilling

prophecy,

and no amount

of manifesting

keeps me

from depressing,

i’m a walking warning sign,

but i promise

that i’m fine,

just brush me off

to the side,

i’m bound to be

left behind.

my 20s have been great.

4. (the backup friend)

another night

in exile,

separated

from all the rest,

and it’s probably

for the best

because no matter

how well

my smile hides it,

i’m a mess.

feel like i’ve been

quieter lately

because i always

find a way

to say too much

and make things worse,

but if i don’t say it,

i’ll be the one

who hurts.

maybe i should let it,

because what the hell

am i even worth?

the self-hate

is making its way back,

because i’m lost

in my mind,

i know it’s not right,

but i’m feeling

like the backup friend,

only around me

out of obligation,

it’s community service

because who would want

any part of this?

the holiday

is coming up,

but it’s one

i detest

because i don’t know

what authentic love is,

every time

i’ve gotten close,

it was at the expense

of someone else,

feel like an object

unworthy of another,

only ever get

the “almosts,”

and almost is never enough.

been doing great

at not disappearing

but slowly

convincing myself

that i should,

lock the doors

and board it up,

barely be missed,

they all deserve

a chance to live

without me

bringing them down.

so have fun. i’ll be alright.