4. everything's my fault

but i can’t stop,
because it’s all
a catharsis, and
as i write more,
it gets better, if
only for a second,
until i realize that
shit just got worse,
and i’ve gotta go
back to the pad
and type out more,
because i’ve gotta
let it all out, but i
just make myself
feel worse, and
it all goes to shit.
words don’t form,
what am i saying?
i don’t even know,
but i do know that
it’s all my fault you
wanna go away, i
can’t try to change
the way you feel,
but it hurts when
i realize that you’re
growing apart, and
i want it all to stop,
go back to before,
but i know i can’t,
it never gets better,
self-hating forever,
i want you here but
i lost my chance and
you won’t come back,
start to feel like i won’t
find happiness like what
you gave me before, so
i just stay on my own,
i know i’m not worth it.

everything’s my fault.

i’m not worth anyone’s time.