stuck inside,
my body
just won’t come alive,
head’s clear
but the fight-or-flight
takes to the sky,
simple hangouts
suddenly feel like chores,
and slowly,
i become avoidant,
a lone wolf,
it’s the only way
i achieve peace,
at least temporarily,
forget all the pressure
when i give myself
the chance to rest,
it’s the only place
i’m finding happiness,
even as i watch
time pass me by
and my best-laid plans
pass in the night
like a thief
on a tightrope.
it’s a big city
but a small world,
i’m a face in the crowd
of people
who’ll never need me,
a background character
in my own TV series,
retreating while the stars
barely see me,
i look up at them
with a wish,
but they’re crossed,
a reminder
of the chances i’ve lost,
fate never favored me
and now it’s taking me
to an abyss,
but i’d like to get
some words in
before it plays its tricks,
whoever she is
and wherever she’s at,
send a message to her
if she’s here to read it.
tell her that i loved her
before i even knew
that i loved her,
tell her that it was
always her,
even when i wasn’t ready
to admit it,
tell her that i’m sorry
that i never had the courage
to say it to her face,
that i wasn’t independent
or strong enough
to be the one she deserved,
tell her that i’m proud
of how she’s grown
into her best,
most confident self,
tell her that i hope
she always stays happy
and tell her that
no matter where i’m at
in her life,
i’ll always love her.
maybe one day,
she’ll love me too.
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