2. (invisible)

sometimes,

i think i’m better

but i’m not,

been down bad

for a minute

but afraid

to admit it,

progress isn’t linear,

but the meter

keeps falling

down the slide.

i feel like

i’m invisible,

looking for

a positive spin,

but every game

of roulette

ends without a win,

and it’s probably selfish

but i wish

for a lot more than this.

cry myself to sleep

over things

that never happened

and never will,

wanting to wake up

from this bad dream

but it turns out

i was never actually

asleep.

all feels the same to me.

the thoughts

of self-sabotage

start to bubble again,

pondering all the ways

i’ll ruin what i have,

maybe

i’ll stop thinking

about what’s eating

at my head,

maybe

i’ll just do shit

for the hell of it.

maybe

i’ll give in

to the self-hate

and believe

everything it says

just like when

i wrote “goodbye,”

maybe

i’ll finally release it,

it’s almost

been a year,

who says

it’s even real?

who says

i’m living with regrets?

oh yeah, me.

sometimes i wanna

go a day or two

without eating

because i hate my body,

sometimes i wanna

let my phone die

and never charge it again,

see who would

seek me out

and who would leave me

for dead,

who would want me

in their lives

and who would forget,

didn’t think

i’d be doing this again,

don’t wanna worry

my friends,

but these thoughts

won’t leave my head.

invisible.