4. friends in high places

stuck in hiding

at the house

up on the hill,

had to run

from a life

i wasn’t ready for,

created my own

little haven

and tailor-made

my own parades,

free from the anxiety

that social life

provided me,

thought they’d all

be better off

so i left to find

my peace of mind,

learned to take joy

in the little things,

no pressure

or expectations,

just trimming hedges

and planting dandelions.

but sometimes,

it’s not all that

it’s cracked up to be,

almost forgotten

how to speak,

gets hard

when the only

conversations

are with the mirror

or the wall,

words are minimal,

but thoughts

become cynical

and the space starts

feeling liminal

as my brain keeps

playing push and pull,

suddenly,

it all feels harder

and i’m scared

the panic disorder

is gonna take me

and no one

will be here to see

because no one

would ever claim me.

but i’m not alone,

i’ve got

friends in high places,

and i know

they’re on their way soon,

haven’t seen ‘em

in years

but i know

they’re still here

somewhere,

i never gave ‘em

the address,

but i know

they’d never forget,

they remember me best,

i know

they never left,

i’ve even got

the table set,

so let’s go

and break some bread.

maybe tomorrow night.