7. closing time at the milkboy

it’s closing time

at the milkboy,

they’re breaking down

the stage,

down at the bar,

william lets me stay

and pours me a drink,

“what a show!”

as i stare at my cup,

i leave him a tip

and he starts

picking my brain,

“any venue

would be blessed

to have you,

you should be

packing stadiums,

how do you stay?”

i don’t say a word,

i just sip,

quietly wishing

for something bigger

than this,

a bigger party

than anything

i was ever given.

always felt like

i was invited

out of obligation,

just a body

filling a space,

the kind

you could erase

and nothing would change,

just passing time

with people

who forget i’m alive,

no one invited me

to concerts

so i started

performing my own,

in the moment,

i was somebody,

suddenly,

they loved me,

tip jar overflowing

at the seams

and i’m living

what they’d call

the dream.

but a year passes

and i’m still here,

wondering when

the next piece

comes true,

have i hit my peak?

so much left

to achieve,

but i’m tearing

at the seams,

i gave them a chance

to forget it all,

granted a reprieve

with a melody,

but the fears

start echoing

as i empty the drink,

give william a nod

as i get up and leave,

stop drowning my sorrows,

get some sleep

before i do it

all over again tomorrow.

is this what i wanted?