over a week
since my
vasovagal attack
and my brain
still hasn’t calmed down,
paranoia’s heightened
and my anxiety’s rising,
i’m in constant fear,
feeling so weak,
waiting for the moment
where i nearly faint
one more time,
maybe i’ll throw up
and the lump
in my throat
will be gone.
why did my triggers
have to be tattoos
and piercings?
oh no,
did i make it worse
by saying that
out loud?
will i get harassment?
my mind’s racing
way too fast,
and i can’t
take it easy,
too much time
with my head
between my knees,
trying to make sure
my heart keeps beating.
some people in life
are just lucky,
but i guess not me,
i got stuck
with the terrible health,
physical and mental,
and i’m scared
that any second,
i’ll take my last breath
without realizing.
i want to achieve my dreams,
but will life let me?
can’t stop feeling
like divine intervention
wants me to be
a sacrifice,
an example of someone
who couldn’t do
everything he hoped
because he couldn’t stay
as long as he wanted,
i wanna see my 30s,
i don’t wanna die,
but how much longer
do i have to fight?
i’ve done everything
to manifest
and treat myself right,
i try to give life
as much as i can,
but i don’t get it back,
i just get kicked
in the gut
so much,
so i never
catch a break,
and every time
a good thing happens,
25 bad things
are waiting behind.
it’s…it’s bullshit.
