5. burn it down

take off the mask,

lose the suit, the shades,

wipe the makeup

from my face,

i can’t live

my life this way,

tired of playing

the fake,

all of this

for the sake

of entertainment?

can’t take it.

never felt more ready

to throw it all away,

no more pain,

i can’t go another day.

burn it all down.

watch the flame

take it all,

my highest blessing

and my biggest mistake,

i’ve stood on a lot

of stages,

but this is the greatest.

for the first time,

i feel like a star.

all the gasps,

the fear,

“is he crazy?”

i may be,

but suddenly,

i can really say

i’m comfortable.

if you want happiness,

prepare for bullshit.

life will gift you

with every kick

it can give,

but i’m tired

of getting hit,

i’ll get rid

of all this shit,

watch it combust,

“he threw his career away,”

i hear from behind,

and i just smile.

simultaneously,

i took a weight

off of my shoulders,

and i gave california

a nice parting gift.

so long,

and thanks for the torment.

let someone else

have my career.

i’m going home.

4. breakdown

my list of regrets

keeps piling up,

while my mental state

goes the opposite way,

deteriorates,

but i gotta hold it in,

because who knows

what they’ll print tomorrow?

“it’s a breakdown,

he’s insane,

i didn’t know he was sick,”

when i just want

these reporters

out of my face.

i just wanted

to make my mark

with my art,

but i got thrust

into the fire,

everybody tries

to sell the story,

rags to riches,

from humble beginnings

to worldwide status,

but never have i missed

my quiet start more

than when i’m up

at my greatest peak.

i could never be

this big again,

but maybe i need that

to leave this place.

being stuck in this mansion

makes me realize

how much it sucks,

i’d give it up

to have my old bed back.

i wanna see my dog

before they take him

to the doc,

maybe for the last time.

kiss him on the head

and tell him

i love him, mama.

cuddle with him,

love him up,

do everything i wish

i could right now,

i wish i had you both

by my side,

letting me know

everything will be alright.

i wanna go home.

3. unheard

whole crowd around me,

but i feel so unheard,

they bop to the songs

but do they hear the words?

did i really sign

my life away

to watch people

dance to my pain?

spilled it all on the page,

but i gave it away

to a label

that just wanted some plays.

i don’t want to diss,

because i wouldn’t

be here without it,

but is this really

what my life’s about?

i can’t even listen

to my work anymore,

don’t remember

it sounding so hollow,

and that’s the toughest

pill to swallow.

i want to drop this mic,

leave the stage

and never return,

this character can’t stay,

it’s eating away

and making me forget

what creativity feels like.

once the leader,

now they want me

to follow the pack

that i created,

i want them to flourish,

but i’m tired

of the suit and ties

trying to get me

to tail them from behind.

i wanna be me.

2. los angeles

everyone told me

LA was the mission,

can’t say

you’ve made it

if you ain’t out

and about

in the cali lights,

walk down the street

to see the paps and vlogs,

unwind at the palace

out in calabasas,

they play it up

on paper

only to break you

when you make it

out there.

thought i found the one

but it was a ruse,

felt the heartbreak

in la brea,

and i drank my pain away,

all i remember

was the splitting headache

the very next day,

hope the cameras

didn’t catch that act,

better avoid the tabloids

when i come back.

is this what it’s all

cracked up to be?

or is it a cruel,

sick joke,

one where the soul’s sucked,

forget the whole reason

you came out

in the first place

because you’re wasting away,

finding ways

to suppress the pain

while the world watches

and follows every trace.

i wish they’d look elsewhere.

1. a lie

city lights

gleam from behind,

the night sky

is my only ally,

and i search

for somewhere quiet

while the cars

drive by,

and the cameras

shine in my eyes,

just this one time,

can i have a place

to hide?

tired of living

this lie,

been dying

to lie down

for just a minute,

they act like i’m winning

but my head’s spinning,

think i’m happy

because i have a mill,

but i’d give all these bills

to kill the persona

and end this war.

look in the mirror

and don’t even

recognize me anymore,

one glance

and i fall to the floor,

can’t bear to look,

want to return

to life before

the fame

and the glamour,

end this part of me

once and for all.

before the night ends preface

it’s been so long since we last talked on here, and so much has changed. i’ve got plenty of new stuff i’m working on, and i hope i can share it soon. for now, i’ve got this new mini-album for you all, “before the night ends.” this is a short, fictional story-driven project that i wrote about a character exploring the dark sides of fame. was pretty inspired by the weeknd’s “after hours” with this one. hope you guys enjoy it, and i also hope you’re ready for more poems soon. after all, talking to you all through here is fun. we should do this more often:

1. a lie

2. los angeles

3. unheard

4. breakdown

5. burn it down