reflection

have you ever felt
simultaneously loved
and alone all at once?
do you ever feel like
people are there for you
when you need them to be,
but not when you want them to be?

they have your back
when its necessary,
like when you lose someone
you loved so dearly,
but when you really want them
to come around, they don’t.
and maybe it’s because
their lives are more important,
and it’s nothing you can control,
but it’s still gotta hurt, right?

it’s talked about all the time,
feeling like you’re all alone
in a crowd of faces,
and you kinda wish that
you can pick when you’re not alone,
and choose when to have
others join in on the fun,
but they’re on their own way,
carving their own path,
and you just can’t control that.

so i write these words
in an awkward state,
one of pride and dread,
a pleasant unease,
a victory wrapped in defeat,
where do i go from here?
will the status quo
be good enough,
is a shake-up necessary,
or do i just need
to take a break?

i can’t decide