coming off december,
i thought i had it all,
but i had to fall
to know the feel
of the bottom,
used poetry to cope,
but i got too livid
when i should’ve
kept my lip bitten
and all i did was cause
further division,
contributed to the friction
and now i cringe
at some of the shit i said.
thought i was
healing myself,
but i was harming
in the process,
got a little
too close to the ledge
and had to face
the consequences,
had to learn
that even a perfectionist slips.
it was always
“write what’s real”
but the “real”
was ruminations,
baseless fears
and misinterpretations,
it was good intentions
that i wasn’t accepting,
painted the worst images
and sent the wrong messages,
my mind was facing
the wrong direction,
had the best ones
uncomfortable,
and rightfully so.
who would’ve thought
the best shit you wrote
would hurt ‘em the most?
i did what i was
scared of
and i lost ‘em,
didn’t value them
as a friend should,
only exhausted them
and caused more pain,
and the world’s a worse place
when the fam ain’t right.
i have and will
apologize
a thousand times
for all the ways
i wronged them,
i applaud them
for forgiving me
for things
i’m still trying
to forgive myself for,
but i know
they’ll be there
to carry me
when i fall to the floor.
i heard some shit
that doja said
that got me wishing
for a life like that,
a team that’s strong
and tight like that,
i was in the wrong
but i wanna make it
right like that,
i wanna be there
for my people
through the good and the bad,
i don’t know
if i could ever
pay ‘em back
for the way
they’ve had my back,
but i’ll do the best i can.
meditate to clear my mind,
heal and realize
i’ve got the best kind
of people in my life,
could’ve left me
when i messed up
and i lost my mind,
but you made sure
i wasn’t left behind,
and i promise
to be a shoulder
when you cry,
my people
are my meaning of life,
and for them,
i’ll be the best me
that i can be
for as long as i’m alive.
“fuck people except my peoples.”
