10. better days

last time all of you
saw me write this
introspective stuff,
i was down and out,
sad matt in full effect,
beaming with anxiety,
it was a way to cope
with the way i felt,
i had seen better days,
no doubt about it.

but here i am now,
two months later,
and there’s no way
you’ll catch me here
looking the same.
smile on my face,
finally able to chill,
back to where i want
to be every damn day.
writing for the people
that stay by my side,
had my back when
i felt like shit,
and now i feel like
the best in the world.

and i know for sure,
not each day will be
the greatest ever
and my anxiety
may come back later,
but i’m glad to be
where i am today,
relaxed and unafraid,
creatively at my best
and only getting better,
living my best life
with the best people,
happy matt’s back,
this time for real.

9. disagree

dear family,
let’s cut to the chase:

i’m gonna be me,
and that’s that,
won’t let anyone
try to say otherwise.
still not sure how
you feel about me
not wanting to be
entirely straight,
the bi-curious boy
facing the world,
but this is who
i want to be.
it’s not a phase,
it’s a feeling,
i’ll love who i want,
even if you judge.

i knew coming out
was gonna be tough,
first thing you’d ask,
“what does that mean?”
you don’t hear that
“bi-curious” phrase
all that much, huh?
bro still doesn’t quite
understand what it means,
even though he’s just fine
making jokes all about
my gaydar and bi-fi,
rather goof and jest
than educate himself.

but that’s none of my business.

what is my business
is that i get treated
the same as before,
with total respect
no matter who i
go on a date with
or bring home to you.
male, female, trans,
i’ll love who i love,
and nothing you say
will change my mind.
i know who i am,
i’m a bi-curious boy
and i’m damn proud,
and you should be too,
because as cliché as
it’s going to sound,
it still rings true,

love always wins.

8. rhyme time

speaking of realness,
you know what helped
create these words?
removing the rhyme,
taking out that silly shit,
cheese bars all over,
yeah, that stuff sucked.
i cringed at every read,
had to wipe it all away,
now no one knows
how those ones go,
not even me.

you think you’d still
be reading my poems
if i threw out some
spiritual miracle lyrical
individual bullshit?
nah, you’d just laugh,
“what the hell does
all of this mean?
did you just throw
whatever words
could make a rhyme?”

that’s all it took
to make a shit poem,
silly rhymes and
some kind of rhythm.
so i thought, at least,
before this came along
and turned my head.
now i’m writing and
turning your heads,
but it wouldn’t be
that way if i kept
to the script, would it?

7. cash money

but you know what else?
i don’t need
to brag about
the money
because that’s not
why i’m here.
who writes poems
to make fat stacks
of bills anyway?
i’m just doing
what i love,
whether the people
read it or not,
and i don’t need
dollars for it.

everyone wants to flex
their expensive clothes
and fancy fast cars,
but that’s not my thing.
i want to write words
that people will take away
long after i’m gone.
who’s gonna remember
the designer clothing
and fancy ferraris
if everyone else
brags about theirs?

i can be a great poet
with or without the pay,
but i won’t let the cash
define the words or
dictate what i write.
you can give me
however much money
you want to give,
but no one will take
the realness away.

6. a-

sorry this album
came out so late,
by the way.
school can be nutty,
but lemme tell you,
writing this poetry
isn’t the only thing
that i’m good at.

i can open a quote
without closing it
and still get an a-.
“good ideas”
that i didn’t even present,
how about that?

and i can get an a-
writing about a script
that i didn’t even read.
and i can get an a-
in a class where i did
every project the night before.

although, apparently,
i can’t get an a-
when the receipts even say
that i got an a-
and i kept the email to prove,
but even you want to run away.

but hey,
nothing to do now.
just run along
with your friend
who told me to
never put my face
in front of a camera again.
you know i’ll take
all the fake love,
but just remember,
lying to your students
is really bad business.

5. cheese

let’s move away
from that, though,
because this album’s
about yours truly.
i’m at the top
of the poetry game,
even if i haven’t dropped
anything in a month.
i can post at any time,
be it middle of the day
or 5 in the morning,
and i’ll still get the views.

and you know what else?
i can brag without the cheese.
silly lines and bullshit,
i don’t need that kanye stuff,
talking about go-pro dicks
and bleached assholes.
pfft, don’t make me gag.

but let’s not talk
about that man,
you all know why.

i’ll brag without
the wild comparisons,
the logical gaps,
and the insanity.
i’ll brag about
the real things,
the actualities,
the things i’ve
gone and done
in my real life,
and if that means
that all i have that’s
worth talking about
is finishing some poetry
or getting through
a semester of college,

hell, i’ll take it.

4. gnib

but let’s move away
from the numbers
for just one minute,
and talk about
you-know-who.
he doesn’t deserve
to be named,
and we’ve talked
about him before,
but since you ran
from me on insta,
just like you ran
from the accusations,
let me ask just
a few more questions.

why did you do
what you did?
why do you act
like an ally
after all that shit?
why did you run
like a little wimp?
how can you say
“the future is female”
when you did
that horrible stuff?

yes, i’m petty
for bringing it up,
even after months,
and no, it didn’t
involve me at all,
but you were
such a good friend.
how could you
betray my trust?
and the trust
of everyone else?
and how could you
just book it when
the going gets tough?

i hope justice
gets served,
i hope the truth
spills out.
i hope you
man the fuck up.
i hope you
come clean.
i hope you
get punished
for what you did.
i hope you
face all of
the consequences.
i hope you
learn a thing
or two,
because damn,
you really need to.

weak-ass.

3. 83

i’ve dropped albums
back-to-back,
wrote one and went
right to the next.
some of these things,
i even wrote in one day.
i might be anxious,
i may write sad,
but 83 poems in
less than a year?
who else can say that?

and the counter just
keeps going right up,
who knows when
i’ll hit the big hundo?
it could be tomorrow.
these words come fast,
the last album took
probably an hour.
just give me silence
and a blank page,
then the magic unfolds.

and i don’t write fast
just to get it out,
i do it because
i’m just that good.
83 from august to april?
yeah, i did that,
and i did it damn well.
even my worst is great,
and my joke album
was still amazing.
figure that one out.

2. name

if i’m the drake of poetry
because i’m always
trapped in my feels,
that means people
still love what i make,
talk about my work,
and anticipate the moment
where i’ll drop
something new.

it also means that
i can sell this
because i’m me.
400+ views on
an album of fiction?
40+ in one day
on a poem posted
during your REM?
all on a blog
with no followers?
yeah, i did that.

who says that
the soft boy
can’t brag sometimes?
yeah, i write poems,
yeah, they’re good,
yeah, people read ‘em,
yeah, my words hit,
i can even repeat myself
and it would still be great.

because i sell this all
with my name.

1. rap

let’s talk
for a minute
about confidence.
you might think
i don’t have it,
“he only talks
about soft shit,
anxiety this,
overthinking that,”
but my words
hit home,
and you know
it’s the truth.

your favorite rapper
can spend three weeks
making the perfect rhyme
about smoking a blunt,
but no way
do his words
hit like mine.
i come up with these
in a few short minutes,
what does he have
after a month?
something about head, right?

not my style,
i’d rather write
the real stuff,
things people
take with them
long after the
first read.
call it sensitivity,
but your boy
knows how to
make his words
stick in the minds
of those around him.

who said i’m not confident?

king's back preface

it's been a long time in the making, it's something i've been making concepts for, drafting and fixing a lot, but here it finally is: my seventh full-length poetry album, "king's back." as the title suggests, this album is a lot more confident, and less anxiety-driven than a lot of my previous works. i've been kicking around the idea of something more confident and somewhat braggadocious since around february of this year, but it's been a constant battle to decide if it was gonna be a mini-album, a full-length album, or something completely different. i'm glad i finally managed to make it and finally got it to a point where i really enjoy it. i won't spoil what each poem is about right off the bat, obviously, but here's the list of poems:

1. rap

2. name

3. 83

4. gnib

5. cheese

6. a-

7. cash money

8. rhyme time

9. disagree

10. better days