who am i?
i’m the guy that
never gets any
surprise parties.
i’m the guy that
never wakes up
to text messages
from anyone that
isn’t my mother.
i’m the guy who
never gets the
“good morning”
from anyone in
a sweet ol’ text.
i’m the guy that
never gets a cool
paragraph post
on social media
telling me how
loved i really am
on my birthday.
i’m the guy that’s
never a first choice
to hang out with.
i’m the guy that’s
not really special.
i’m the guy that’s
not cool enough
for any of those.
i’m just me.
i’m a floater.
i don’t have
a true clique,
i’m in and out
of every circle,
i’m never doing
exciting things,
i’m never out
at some party
living life and
enjoying that.
i never have a
person to love,
because all of
the ones i love
don’t want me,
and the ones
that love me,
i push away.
i’m only ever
sitting inside,
all on my own,
writing it out.
because i’m not exciting.
i wish i was cooler,
i wish i was special,
i wish i was popular,
i wish i was better,
i wish i was bigger,
i wish i was smarter,
i wish i was taller,
i wish i was stronger,
i wish i was the one
that had everybody
looking up to me and
feeling inspired by me,
but i’m not that guy.
i’m just a statistic in
this world of greats,
but i’m here, i exist,
i’m doing my thing,
and in the very end,
that’s all that matters.
Thursday, November 22, 2018
9. poetry is my drug
poetry is my drug.
the only thing that
makes me unclean
is the writing that i
create with these.
xans, percs, weed,
molly and lean, all
not stuff for me, i’d
rather go re-read
the poems i weave,
perfectly seamed,
i’m living the dream,
as a poet, i mean.
but i keep coming
right on back after
so little time away,
almost feels like i’m
slowly going astray,
because i can’t wait,
don’t drop this late.
sometimes i’m even
too early for it, that
makes me worried
if i’m giving myself
one too many doses.
or am i giving
everyone else
more doses
than they all
know what
to do with?
what do i do
with all this?
keep pushing
and drop it all?
i just never know
if i’m over the hill.
the only thing that
makes me unclean
is the writing that i
create with these.
xans, percs, weed,
molly and lean, all
not stuff for me, i’d
rather go re-read
the poems i weave,
perfectly seamed,
i’m living the dream,
as a poet, i mean.
but i keep coming
right on back after
so little time away,
almost feels like i’m
slowly going astray,
because i can’t wait,
don’t drop this late.
sometimes i’m even
too early for it, that
makes me worried
if i’m giving myself
one too many doses.
or am i giving
everyone else
more doses
than they all
know what
to do with?
what do i do
with all this?
keep pushing
and drop it all?
i just never know
if i’m over the hill.
8. sweet dreams
run for your life,
little time remains,
you hear the clang
of the knives and,
in the dead of night,
no light to guide you,
think you’ll survive?
head down the street,
it’s the only good lane,
think you’ll get away?
i would be very afraid.
stopped in your tracks,
a body, freshly slain,
blood runs down and
it drains, attempts to
save him are in vain.
you forget it’s a trap,
just as you look on,
should’ve got gone.
the beast jumps and
takes over your sight,
as you try to run off,
you’re just too late,
now with no escape,
the killer, post haste,
grabs by your face
*SLIT*
your body drops,
plops to the floor,
head in his hand,
who knows where
his throw will land?
looks like you just
weren’t that fast,
a thing of the past,
you aren’t his last,
the killing just has
to end en masse.
but you couldn’t
stop this mess,
now you’re dead,
decapitated head
on someone’s step,
and that one gets
a look at you and
a quick thrill before
heading off to bed.
sleep tight. sweet dreams.
little time remains,
you hear the clang
of the knives and,
in the dead of night,
no light to guide you,
think you’ll survive?
head down the street,
it’s the only good lane,
think you’ll get away?
i would be very afraid.
stopped in your tracks,
a body, freshly slain,
blood runs down and
it drains, attempts to
save him are in vain.
you forget it’s a trap,
just as you look on,
should’ve got gone.
the beast jumps and
takes over your sight,
as you try to run off,
you’re just too late,
now with no escape,
the killer, post haste,
grabs by your face
*SLIT*
your body drops,
plops to the floor,
head in his hand,
who knows where
his throw will land?
looks like you just
weren’t that fast,
a thing of the past,
you aren’t his last,
the killing just has
to end en masse.
but you couldn’t
stop this mess,
now you’re dead,
decapitated head
on someone’s step,
and that one gets
a look at you and
a quick thrill before
heading off to bed.
sleep tight. sweet dreams.
7. the man
won’t catch me
throwing shit at
the wall until it
decides to stick
because i don’t
write any shit.
even my worst
ends up a hit,
go picture this,
year later, it’s lit,
i fell in the pits,
but the poetry
king never quits
the life he lives.
the concepts
and the words,
they just work,
watch the boy
go berserk, he
has his quirks,
but believe it,
he keeps this
extreme with
the speed, he
can’t be beat,
the poetry elite,
he’s never weak,
all the blessings
land upon his feet.
don’t for a minute
believe he’s not
in this to win it,
livid on his keys,
aiming to please,
always exceeds,
he even succeeds
without the cheese.
crown fits snugly
upon my head, it’s
never coming off,
put rumors to bed.
i’m the man.
throwing shit at
the wall until it
decides to stick
because i don’t
write any shit.
even my worst
ends up a hit,
go picture this,
year later, it’s lit,
i fell in the pits,
but the poetry
king never quits
the life he lives.
the concepts
and the words,
they just work,
watch the boy
go berserk, he
has his quirks,
but believe it,
he keeps this
extreme with
the speed, he
can’t be beat,
the poetry elite,
he’s never weak,
all the blessings
land upon his feet.
don’t for a minute
believe he’s not
in this to win it,
livid on his keys,
aiming to please,
always exceeds,
he even succeeds
without the cheese.
crown fits snugly
upon my head, it’s
never coming off,
put rumors to bed.
i’m the man.
6. feel it
hardest worker
in the game and
i keep this real.
never catch me
talking about a
whip or a chain
or a mansion i
couldn’t afford.
boring shit, i want
you all adoring this,
but how will you all
gravitate towards it
if all the words that
i write are pointless?
would you enjoy this?
what if i went ahead
and talked about the
poverty i never faced?
act like i just had some
wild come-up when all
i ever did was grind and
write in my basement?
scrap that, replace this,
try not to sneak diss, and
add in a throwaway line
about being homeless,
when i really had nothing
but a life full of privilege.
that sounds genuine, doesn’t it?
fuck it, maybe
i’ll talk about
the jail time i
never did, to
make myself
seem harder
than the rest.
or maybe i’ll
really get put
in a jail cell,
so everyone
will rally and
try to free me,
the poetry will
blow up, like
the artists that
put a show on.
beating women
and pedo shit,
but still we try
defending it,
enabling it and
celebrating it.
we give them hits.
you won’t catch me
writing about a thing
that i can’t vouch for.
i’ll make you feel this
just like i did when i
was going through it.
all the highest highs
and the lowest lows,
you’re all gonna know
the whole of every go
and every challenge,
trial and tribulation,
risk and temptation,
joy and sensation.
of all these words
that i type out here,
you’ll never question
if they were ever real.
because you’ll feel it.
in the game and
i keep this real.
never catch me
talking about a
whip or a chain
or a mansion i
couldn’t afford.
boring shit, i want
you all adoring this,
but how will you all
gravitate towards it
if all the words that
i write are pointless?
would you enjoy this?
what if i went ahead
and talked about the
poverty i never faced?
act like i just had some
wild come-up when all
i ever did was grind and
write in my basement?
scrap that, replace this,
try not to sneak diss, and
add in a throwaway line
about being homeless,
when i really had nothing
but a life full of privilege.
that sounds genuine, doesn’t it?
fuck it, maybe
i’ll talk about
the jail time i
never did, to
make myself
seem harder
than the rest.
or maybe i’ll
really get put
in a jail cell,
so everyone
will rally and
try to free me,
the poetry will
blow up, like
the artists that
put a show on.
beating women
and pedo shit,
but still we try
defending it,
enabling it and
celebrating it.
we give them hits.
you won’t catch me
writing about a thing
that i can’t vouch for.
i’ll make you feel this
just like i did when i
was going through it.
all the highest highs
and the lowest lows,
you’re all gonna know
the whole of every go
and every challenge,
trial and tribulation,
risk and temptation,
joy and sensation.
of all these words
that i type out here,
you’ll never question
if they were ever real.
because you’ll feel it.
5. try me
i start to feel
like the world
is against me.
all they wanna
do is stop me
from being me.
just want to see
me reach a point
of complete defeat,
but i get back up,
achieve my dreams,
wait for the day that
you turn to a leech,
but your bullshit, i
just will not feed.
all your fake love
and hurtful lies
won’t ever get
past this guy,
i’m only here
for the people
that want me to
keep it pushing,
save me when i’m
full of exhaustion
from exalting all of
my fondness onto
this awful lot of
redonkulous tools
with an onslaught
of hate in their souls,
begging me to fall off
or get lost, when i’m
only gonna get strong
and prove them wrong.
i’m slowly becoming
the villain in my story,
harder to root for, but
i’m impossible to hate,
so you can’t help but
love me, i’m that great.
you can’t even come
hard at the kingdom,
i’m the hardest to diss,
you can’t even say shit.
anything you got on me,
i’ve said all that already,
even someone so sappy
has reason to be happy.
i’ll keep it going strong,
you can’t even blackball,
damn right i can go hard,
i keep up a strong guard.
so just try me.
like the world
is against me.
all they wanna
do is stop me
from being me.
just want to see
me reach a point
of complete defeat,
but i get back up,
achieve my dreams,
wait for the day that
you turn to a leech,
but your bullshit, i
just will not feed.
all your fake love
and hurtful lies
won’t ever get
past this guy,
i’m only here
for the people
that want me to
keep it pushing,
save me when i’m
full of exhaustion
from exalting all of
my fondness onto
this awful lot of
redonkulous tools
with an onslaught
of hate in their souls,
begging me to fall off
or get lost, when i’m
only gonna get strong
and prove them wrong.
i’m slowly becoming
the villain in my story,
harder to root for, but
i’m impossible to hate,
so you can’t help but
love me, i’m that great.
you can’t even come
hard at the kingdom,
i’m the hardest to diss,
you can’t even say shit.
anything you got on me,
i’ve said all that already,
even someone so sappy
has reason to be happy.
i’ll keep it going strong,
you can’t even blackball,
damn right i can go hard,
i keep up a strong guard.
so just try me.
4. perfect night
i want one perfect night.
it’s such a tough,
strong word, but
give me a night
that’ll be flawless.
it feels like all the
nights now are just
dull and anxious,
can i have one time
to feel like i’m more
than just a lonely,
isolated guy that
never feels special?
i just wish for it,
only you and i,
i wish we could
go back in time,
give another try,
be what we were
before life made
the feeling die.
i wish you would
want me in the
way i want you,
i wish i had just
one more shot
to do the things
i didn’t do before,
another chance
to be yours, and
work towards a
good vibration.
can i just have
a perfect night?
all this stressing,
brain’s so messy,
i want to relax it
with one who is
the most special.
just forget about
the overthinking,
and stop with the
worrying and fear,
just one, simple,
perfect night is
all that i ask now.
is that possible?
it’s such a tough,
strong word, but
give me a night
that’ll be flawless.
it feels like all the
nights now are just
dull and anxious,
can i have one time
to feel like i’m more
than just a lonely,
isolated guy that
never feels special?
i just wish for it,
only you and i,
i wish we could
go back in time,
give another try,
be what we were
before life made
the feeling die.
i wish you would
want me in the
way i want you,
i wish i had just
one more shot
to do the things
i didn’t do before,
another chance
to be yours, and
work towards a
good vibration.
can i just have
a perfect night?
all this stressing,
brain’s so messy,
i want to relax it
with one who is
the most special.
just forget about
the overthinking,
and stop with the
worrying and fear,
just one, simple,
perfect night is
all that i ask now.
is that possible?
3. love is funny
love is funny.
it seems to favor
some over others,
and it shines most
during the summer.
when the sun’s out,
everyone’s found a
special person they
hold close to them,
cuddle and a kiss,
laying in the grass,
it’s complete bliss,
and let’s not forget
when the night falls,
the air feels different,
the music plays as
the two of you lay,
and it’s pure magic.
but it’s tragic, when
the moment passes,
no more candles lit,
the love fades away
as they blend into
the masses, and
you’re just asking
for some padding
but what you had
is gone, didn’t last.
suddenly, you lose,
didn’t think it would
ever defuse, but all
of the wrong moves
happened to be used.
and as i watch you
run off with another,
someone stronger,
far better than i’d
ever think i could be,
i just stare and wish
that person was me.
almost feels like i’ll
never find a human
as beautiful as you,
shocked but it’s true.
guess it’s kinda funny,
the games love plays,
funny for others but
not so much for me.
it seems to favor
some over others,
and it shines most
during the summer.
when the sun’s out,
everyone’s found a
special person they
hold close to them,
cuddle and a kiss,
laying in the grass,
it’s complete bliss,
and let’s not forget
when the night falls,
the air feels different,
the music plays as
the two of you lay,
and it’s pure magic.
but it’s tragic, when
the moment passes,
no more candles lit,
the love fades away
as they blend into
the masses, and
you’re just asking
for some padding
but what you had
is gone, didn’t last.
suddenly, you lose,
didn’t think it would
ever defuse, but all
of the wrong moves
happened to be used.
and as i watch you
run off with another,
someone stronger,
far better than i’d
ever think i could be,
i just stare and wish
that person was me.
almost feels like i’ll
never find a human
as beautiful as you,
shocked but it’s true.
guess it’s kinda funny,
the games love plays,
funny for others but
not so much for me.
2. isolated
i feel so isolated.
it feels like i’m
stuck all alone,
i’m never gonna
leave this shell,
only gonna go
separate myself
more from life.
it just starts to
feel like i don’t
have anywhere
worth going that
isn’t my home,
and it feels like
the people that
i give my time to
will abandon me
in a quick flash.
it sucks when
you want to go
say something
to someone, but
you feel like they
don’t care to hear.
don’t want you to
hang around, either,
and i started to fear
that everyone would
turn out just like that,
just leave me out flat,
dry me on the rack,
never to come back.
all this darkness here
brings out my worst,
creates all the hate
that i fling at myself.
but it feels like i’ve
locked myself up in
this eternal darkness,
it grows more bleak
and hope is futile,
but i just want out,
i want to be happy,
is that so difficult?
it feels like i’m
stuck all alone,
i’m never gonna
leave this shell,
only gonna go
separate myself
more from life.
it just starts to
feel like i don’t
have anywhere
worth going that
isn’t my home,
and it feels like
the people that
i give my time to
will abandon me
in a quick flash.
it sucks when
you want to go
say something
to someone, but
you feel like they
don’t care to hear.
don’t want you to
hang around, either,
and i started to fear
that everyone would
turn out just like that,
just leave me out flat,
dry me on the rack,
never to come back.
all this darkness here
brings out my worst,
creates all the hate
that i fling at myself.
but it feels like i’ve
locked myself up in
this eternal darkness,
it grows more bleak
and hope is futile,
but i just want out,
i want to be happy,
is that so difficult?
1. spiraling
everything’s swirling,
my thoughts are all
stuck in a whirlwind,
all the world’s been
yelling in my ear and
i wanna be sincere,
but as i lay here, it’s
like i’m losing myself.
want your company,
please comfort me,
before the darkness
conquers me, and it
tries to demolish me.
not trying to sound
like i’m cheesy, but
i feel kinda queasy,
all this negativity is
really getting to me.
want to be with you,
rid myself of these
awful thoughts, and
feel just like i belong.
the battle gets harder,
i’m pushing through it,
but it feels like i’m not
getting out any farther.
wanna go shut down,
time away from it all,
i’m stuck in a free-fall,
everything’s too dark.
separate from society,
starting to feel shaky,
all trying to break me,
it’s gonna overtake me.
just can’t think straight,
this i’m starting to hate,
words won’t form great,
i hope it’s not too late.
am i spiraling?
my thoughts are all
stuck in a whirlwind,
all the world’s been
yelling in my ear and
i wanna be sincere,
but as i lay here, it’s
like i’m losing myself.
want your company,
please comfort me,
before the darkness
conquers me, and it
tries to demolish me.
not trying to sound
like i’m cheesy, but
i feel kinda queasy,
all this negativity is
really getting to me.
want to be with you,
rid myself of these
awful thoughts, and
feel just like i belong.
the battle gets harder,
i’m pushing through it,
but it feels like i’m not
getting out any farther.
wanna go shut down,
time away from it all,
i’m stuck in a free-fall,
everything’s too dark.
separate from society,
starting to feel shaky,
all trying to break me,
it’s gonna overtake me.
just can’t think straight,
this i’m starting to hate,
words won’t form great,
i hope it’s not too late.
am i spiraling?
pitch black preface
my 16th full-length poetry album is “pitch black.” this album was written in almost complete darkness, with the only real light being my laptop, which was set to the lowest possible brightness. the album also occasionally takes things back to the rhythmic, rhyming feel that i went for when i first started poetry. it’s an album i adore, and i hope you guys love it, too. here’s the tracklisting:
1. spiraling
2. isolated
3. love is funny
4. perfect night
5. try me
6. feel it
7. the man
8. sweet dreams
9. poetry is my drug?
10. who am i?
Thursday, November 15, 2018
what do you want me to say?
what do you want me to say?
“i popped a xan, i
fucked your bitch,
i shot your man,
he’s in a ditch,
light this up, i’m
smoking blunts,
she’s sucking me,
i’m fucking sweet.
sipping lean, i’m
smoking trees and
fucking these hoes
i’m supreme, and…”
wait, hold on hold on…
who the fuck wants to hear this?
stop, let’s try again.
i’m not with the fake shit,
you would do that for a hit?
yelling out “it’s lit!” but you
should quit, boy, take the hint.
i’m not a character, i’m me,
fuck what you think i mean
i’m innovative, underrated,
overlooked but off the hook.
16 albums written and i’m
never fucking dipping, i’m
working harder, on it longer,
crown i’m tightly gripping,
and i ain’t really rich in cash,
but i’m no one you can bash,
flip your words right back so
just don’t hit me, don’t attack.
triplet flow, and i fuck it up,
i’m just gonna take my dub,
go and talk about your blunt,
that won’t ever be enough,
all that shit’s fucking fake,
“yeah, i just beat a case,”
when are you gonna make
lines that are not about face?
here i am, at it again
and i’m going in, no,
i’m not here to offend,
but i’m telling it, this
is just how it is, man,
go and get a grip,
write me some shit
that’ll really hit, yeah.
can’t even write a diss,
not even good at this,
you’re so repetitive,
i’d like to see you spit,
words are my friends and
you’re here at your end,
so just give it a rest and
stop playing pretend.
yeah, that’s better.
Sunday, November 11, 2018
don't compare me
top drawing courtesy of melbournechapter.net
left corner drawing courtesy of pinterest (artist’s name is lucas anjos, if the cursive signature is written that way)
right corner drawing courtesy of coub.com
a poet and i play
with these words,
please don’t try
comparing me to
your favorite rapper.
chances are unless
they’re an old legend,
i’m better than them.
i’ll never say that i’m
pac, big, jay, em, kenny
like these soundcloud
boys like to go and do.
think of who you all
look up to and idolize,
won’t give love to zel
but you’ll go and rave
about the jolly rancher
with 69 tatted on him.
kyle can spy one hit,
but you pass on him
for a kid that can’t
hold down hot chips.
my third bag this week,
feel like i’m charged up
like the boy drizzy, damn,
big baby dram in the party
rolling broccoli but how is it
the real winner was yachty?
even brockhampton feeling
they gotta get better because
the lean sippers and the ones
getting face tats are charting.
i used to want the views
but if the way to get you
is for me to go off and do
all that? fuck no, stay low.
i’d rather be the poet with
no attention than the one
sipping from the lean cup,
beating the girl that i love,
stabbing out in cold blood,
touching kids, too young,
and yelling the n-word at
taco bell, bite your tongue.
suddenly, i’d have defense
even from the highest up,
because our president likes
his killers and rapists white,
gets to defend them and he
hooks them up nice, he’s so
fucking uptight, fine people
on both sides, ‘cause the guy
can’t condemn the alt-right.
stupid people get fame but
the smart ones stay low, i’ll
keep on doing as i’m doing,
i’ll stay forever underrated.
maybe i’m still overlooked,
but i’d rather it be that way,
not gonna clout-chase or go
ride a wave to get some fame.
Friday, November 2, 2018
10. tornado bird (🌪🐦)
lost within the
tornado of life
lies a small bird,
woodpecker, to
be precise now,
overwhelmed by
the wear and tear
and the rigors of
growing up, as he
one day has to go,
leave his nest and
make it on his own.
the woodpecker is
a tornado himself,
constantly banging
his own, poor head,
too much force but
he continues to do so,
too much going on
up there and the bird,
to the surprise of many,
is hurting himself bad.
he fears toxicity and
worries that his nest
wouldn’t even try to
welcome him back
after he leaves it.
it’s an anxious life
for the woodpecker,
always in search of
something better, but
he’s never satisfied,
regularly scared, he’s
an internal tornado,
always holding a piece
of his true self back
for fear of causing pain.
can he grow and learn
to be confident at all?
it’s hard to tell, but as
he gets swept up in life,
he’ll definitely try his best.
tornado bird.
tornado of life
lies a small bird,
woodpecker, to
be precise now,
overwhelmed by
the wear and tear
and the rigors of
growing up, as he
one day has to go,
leave his nest and
make it on his own.
the woodpecker is
a tornado himself,
constantly banging
his own, poor head,
too much force but
he continues to do so,
too much going on
up there and the bird,
to the surprise of many,
is hurting himself bad.
he fears toxicity and
worries that his nest
wouldn’t even try to
welcome him back
after he leaves it.
it’s an anxious life
for the woodpecker,
always in search of
something better, but
he’s never satisfied,
regularly scared, he’s
an internal tornado,
always holding a piece
of his true self back
for fear of causing pain.
can he grow and learn
to be confident at all?
it’s hard to tell, but as
he gets swept up in life,
he’ll definitely try his best.
tornado bird.
9. a monster (🅰️👿)
inside my head,
there’s a monster.
it rummages and
it looks through me,
it takes my good and
happy thoughts, and
it throws them away.
it makes me angry,
it takes the positivity
and flushes it down,
doing all in its power
to push it all out.
and it tries to change me.
the happy-go lucky
little boy that i was
starts looking less
excited for his life.
he becomes cynical,
his friends notice it,
he’s slowly changing,
and even when he
says that he’s fine,
no one’s buying it.
there’s something
that’s different, too,
less of a glow in him,
less bounciness, less
hope and optimism,
he’s either eating it all
or he’s starving himself.
because he’s not fine.
pretty soon, the boy
becomes the monster,
their spirits merge and
he physically changes.
“what happened to you?”
they all ask him, but he
ignores their questions,
and the few chances he
takes to speak, he just
yells and curses them,
no one’s used to that.
his friendships turn to
a distant memory, and
aggression takes over.
he doesn’t want it, but
he doesn’t know how
he can change it. the
transformation’s done,
he’s turned himself into,
a monster.
there’s a monster.
it rummages and
it looks through me,
it takes my good and
happy thoughts, and
it throws them away.
it makes me angry,
it takes the positivity
and flushes it down,
doing all in its power
to push it all out.
and it tries to change me.
the happy-go lucky
little boy that i was
starts looking less
excited for his life.
he becomes cynical,
his friends notice it,
he’s slowly changing,
and even when he
says that he’s fine,
no one’s buying it.
there’s something
that’s different, too,
less of a glow in him,
less bounciness, less
hope and optimism,
he’s either eating it all
or he’s starving himself.
because he’s not fine.
pretty soon, the boy
becomes the monster,
their spirits merge and
he physically changes.
“what happened to you?”
they all ask him, but he
ignores their questions,
and the few chances he
takes to speak, he just
yells and curses them,
no one’s used to that.
his friendships turn to
a distant memory, and
aggression takes over.
he doesn’t want it, but
he doesn’t know how
he can change it. the
transformation’s done,
he’s turned himself into,
a monster.
8. ghost chill (👻❄️)
it’s been cold out
around these parts,
or so i’m led to think,
because everyone is
walking around with
sweat dripping down,
as the sweltering sun
beats on their faces.
clearly uncomfortable,
they go on their way,
to enjoy the summer
and play, and relax,
while i rest here with
my winter clothes on.
it must be that
a ghost is afoot.
it roams around,
ignoring me but
leaving a mark,
the silence hits
harder than the
spoken word can.
i want it to speak,
but the ghost just
goes on its way,
never to utter a
single syllable.
what did i do to
deserve this mess?
all i want is a friend,
but this silent spirit
haunts me evermore.
a torturous entity that
doesn’t want me but
roams close by and
refuses to go away.
but no one sees it,
because it’s only
in my own mind,
the ghost goes,
it has other friends
that it hits up on
the text every day,
but it would never
do that with me, so
why won’t it go away?
ghost chill.
around these parts,
or so i’m led to think,
because everyone is
walking around with
sweat dripping down,
as the sweltering sun
beats on their faces.
clearly uncomfortable,
they go on their way,
to enjoy the summer
and play, and relax,
while i rest here with
my winter clothes on.
it must be that
a ghost is afoot.
it roams around,
ignoring me but
leaving a mark,
the silence hits
harder than the
spoken word can.
i want it to speak,
but the ghost just
goes on its way,
never to utter a
single syllable.
what did i do to
deserve this mess?
all i want is a friend,
but this silent spirit
haunts me evermore.
a torturous entity that
doesn’t want me but
roams close by and
refuses to go away.
but no one sees it,
because it’s only
in my own mind,
the ghost goes,
it has other friends
that it hits up on
the text every day,
but it would never
do that with me, so
why won’t it go away?
ghost chill.
7. trash joker (🚮🃏)
i’m a joker that
can’t even do
what i want to.
i can’t laugh and
crack jokes and
i can’t be that
happy jester i
always wanted to
turn myself into.
promised papa
i’d make them
all laugh and
put smiles on
all their faces,
but now i can’t
because they
don’t want me.
i’m just their
piece of trash,
throw me away
before giving a
fair look and a
chance to dance.
everybody just
leaves me dry
in the very end,
hangs me out
on the rack and
runs away, never
to see me again.
i wanna live life
and i want to love,
but everyone just
wants me to die.
guess this is
how it feels
to say you’re
a trash joker,
you can’t even
make people
laugh at you,
not even your
silliest actions
can make you
entertaining.
maybe this is
why i always
get taken out
of the deck
when people
play cards.
trash joker.
can’t even do
what i want to.
i can’t laugh and
crack jokes and
i can’t be that
happy jester i
always wanted to
turn myself into.
promised papa
i’d make them
all laugh and
put smiles on
all their faces,
but now i can’t
because they
don’t want me.
i’m just their
piece of trash,
throw me away
before giving a
fair look and a
chance to dance.
everybody just
leaves me dry
in the very end,
hangs me out
on the rack and
runs away, never
to see me again.
i wanna live life
and i want to love,
but everyone just
wants me to die.
guess this is
how it feels
to say you’re
a trash joker,
you can’t even
make people
laugh at you,
not even your
silliest actions
can make you
entertaining.
maybe this is
why i always
get taken out
of the deck
when people
play cards.
trash joker.
6. heartbreak on high (💔🔛⬆️)
seated on high but
my heart is on low,
ripping apart as i
watch you run off,
happy with someone
that’s better than me,
don’t feign sadness as
i wallow in self-pity.
even as i sit here as
the king on my throne,
it becomes empty when
i don’t have anyone to
share the space with.
harder to deal with now
when the person i want
to share it with has gone
and found someone better.
guess it goes to show how
a position of power can
still leave you longing.
it’s vacant around here,
within these four walls
there’s a void hard to fill.
have you ever felt alone
when everyone’s around?
empty when you’re gone,
but knowing you’re not
gonna make it back, it’s
a feeling hard to grasp.
i don’t have everything
that i could ever want,
because i don’t have you.
guess this is what it’s like
to have heartbreak on high,
feeling your best while also
feeling your worst, it sucks,
no one said that it would
be easy living on top, but
the pain continues to grow
when i’m the only one here.
i hope that one day, i find
someone to give love to,
make them a throne and
they’ll be my world, but
as the days go by, things
start to just look bleak,
the story of the king who
couldn’t even love himself.
heartbreak on high.
my heart is on low,
ripping apart as i
watch you run off,
happy with someone
that’s better than me,
don’t feign sadness as
i wallow in self-pity.
even as i sit here as
the king on my throne,
it becomes empty when
i don’t have anyone to
share the space with.
harder to deal with now
when the person i want
to share it with has gone
and found someone better.
guess it goes to show how
a position of power can
still leave you longing.
it’s vacant around here,
within these four walls
there’s a void hard to fill.
have you ever felt alone
when everyone’s around?
empty when you’re gone,
but knowing you’re not
gonna make it back, it’s
a feeling hard to grasp.
i don’t have everything
that i could ever want,
because i don’t have you.
guess this is what it’s like
to have heartbreak on high,
feeling your best while also
feeling your worst, it sucks,
no one said that it would
be easy living on top, but
the pain continues to grow
when i’m the only one here.
i hope that one day, i find
someone to give love to,
make them a throne and
they’ll be my world, but
as the days go by, things
start to just look bleak,
the story of the king who
couldn’t even love himself.
heartbreak on high.
5. golden sunshine ride (🏅☀️🎢)
nervous shakes as we
enter the roller coaster,
i’m not one to ride these,
but let’s give this a try.
it’s a bright golden car,
vibrant as the sunlight,
we enter inside and i
take one deep breath.
the seatbelts go on and
the rails go down on us,
and just before we move,
i decide to close my eyes.
everything else is all
just a blur from here,
twists and turns at
the fastest of speeds,
everything’s turning
upside down on me,
i can’t get a handle
on what’s going on,
but i enjoy it while
it all rushes along.
and in this moment,
there’s so much joy.
no other worries for me,
the golden sunshine ride
carries me along and it
runs on pure adrenaline.
it pushes and moves in
ways that i can’t predict,
and it gives me a thrill,
if only for a few minutes.
but there’s one big thing
i learned from this ride:
the things that go up
all have to come down.
golden sunshine ride.
enter the roller coaster,
i’m not one to ride these,
but let’s give this a try.
it’s a bright golden car,
vibrant as the sunlight,
we enter inside and i
take one deep breath.
the seatbelts go on and
the rails go down on us,
and just before we move,
i decide to close my eyes.
everything else is all
just a blur from here,
twists and turns at
the fastest of speeds,
everything’s turning
upside down on me,
i can’t get a handle
on what’s going on,
but i enjoy it while
it all rushes along.
and in this moment,
there’s so much joy.
no other worries for me,
the golden sunshine ride
carries me along and it
runs on pure adrenaline.
it pushes and moves in
ways that i can’t predict,
and it gives me a thrill,
if only for a few minutes.
but there’s one big thing
i learned from this ride:
the things that go up
all have to come down.
golden sunshine ride.
4. elated love (😄❤️)
you make me the
happiest one alive.
even the tiniest of
things that you do
make me feel good.
effortless charm and
abundance of love,
everything at once,
the most perfect
human being ever.
can’t believe that i’ve
been blessed with you,
it’s like they all tell me,
the bad days are good,
the good days are great,
and it’s all because you
came into my life and you
made me a better person.
you took me in with
all of my baggage,
accepted my flaws
and shaped me now,
i’m better than ever
all thanks to you, and
through thick and thin,
you’ve stuck with me.
i’m sure it’s not easy,
but you make the most,
you never complain and
you’re always right there.
forever thankful for you
and all that you do, keep
being who you are, and
keep spreading your love.
never knew that i’d find
the one person for me, but
now i don’t want to think
of myself with anyone else.
beautiful inside and out,
please never forget it,
i love you to the moon
forever and always.
elated love.
happiest one alive.
even the tiniest of
things that you do
make me feel good.
effortless charm and
abundance of love,
everything at once,
the most perfect
human being ever.
can’t believe that i’ve
been blessed with you,
it’s like they all tell me,
the bad days are good,
the good days are great,
and it’s all because you
came into my life and you
made me a better person.
you took me in with
all of my baggage,
accepted my flaws
and shaped me now,
i’m better than ever
all thanks to you, and
through thick and thin,
you’ve stuck with me.
i’m sure it’s not easy,
but you make the most,
you never complain and
you’re always right there.
forever thankful for you
and all that you do, keep
being who you are, and
keep spreading your love.
never knew that i’d find
the one person for me, but
now i don’t want to think
of myself with anyone else.
beautiful inside and out,
please never forget it,
i love you to the moon
forever and always.
elated love.
3. royalty (👑)
can’t take the throne
away from the king,
done worked my ass
off for a second on it,
but a mere 15 minutes
just wasn’t enough, so
i’m stretching this out
for as long as i can.
it’s all me in this world,
no one else did it better,
if you ever doubted me,
i’ll laugh in your face.
feel kinda bad for the
people that ditched me.
you were pretty great,
but hey, i’m just better.
i’m sorry you couldn’t
stick with me longer,
but treat me like shit,
here’s what you get:
i sit atop this throne,
proud of my work, and
i watch and laugh as
you try to kiss my feet.
entitled to kindness?
nah, go fuck yourself,
you won’t stop me or
the ones that i love.
i wanna see my people
rise to the occasion,
i wanna see them all
get the recognition.
i want them to go off,
do great things, but
you fucked me over,
so nothing for you.
i dare you to try
kicking the king,
my people and i
won’t let you in,
you had a chance
to be with us all,
but too bad you
blew it, get gone,
this is the kingdom,
we flourish and thrive
but not if you leech,
no snakes allowed.
royalty.
away from the king,
done worked my ass
off for a second on it,
but a mere 15 minutes
just wasn’t enough, so
i’m stretching this out
for as long as i can.
it’s all me in this world,
no one else did it better,
if you ever doubted me,
i’ll laugh in your face.
feel kinda bad for the
people that ditched me.
you were pretty great,
but hey, i’m just better.
i’m sorry you couldn’t
stick with me longer,
but treat me like shit,
here’s what you get:
i sit atop this throne,
proud of my work, and
i watch and laugh as
you try to kiss my feet.
entitled to kindness?
nah, go fuck yourself,
you won’t stop me or
the ones that i love.
i wanna see my people
rise to the occasion,
i wanna see them all
get the recognition.
i want them to go off,
do great things, but
you fucked me over,
so nothing for you.
i dare you to try
kicking the king,
my people and i
won’t let you in,
you had a chance
to be with us all,
but too bad you
blew it, get gone,
this is the kingdom,
we flourish and thrive
but not if you leech,
no snakes allowed.
royalty.
2. paradise dreams (🏖💭)
last night i dreamed
of a beautiful island.
the prettiest place
i’d ever traveled to.
the ocean was unlike
anything i’d ever seen,
the sun was blistering,
but there was just a
light and comfortable
breeze along the beach.
i laid in my folding chair
and soaked in the rays.
and you were there,
seated in your chair,
i didn’t expect it but
you held my hand.
giggling as i looked,
you moved in closer.
your arms around me
and mine around you,
for that one moment,
the world was still.
nothing else mattered,
it was just you and i,
in a way unrepeatable
in a real-life scenario,
we were here together,
nothing to separate or
ruin this moment now,
to cuddle with you on
this beautiful island,
there’s nothing better.
everything i want
right here and now,
it was peaceful and
it was magnificent,
even if it’s a dream,
it’s the best i’ve had.
there’s nothing that
could even top this.
if this is paradise,
don’t wake me up.
paradise dreams.
of a beautiful island.
the prettiest place
i’d ever traveled to.
the ocean was unlike
anything i’d ever seen,
the sun was blistering,
but there was just a
light and comfortable
breeze along the beach.
i laid in my folding chair
and soaked in the rays.
and you were there,
seated in your chair,
i didn’t expect it but
you held my hand.
giggling as i looked,
you moved in closer.
your arms around me
and mine around you,
for that one moment,
the world was still.
nothing else mattered,
it was just you and i,
in a way unrepeatable
in a real-life scenario,
we were here together,
nothing to separate or
ruin this moment now,
to cuddle with you on
this beautiful island,
there’s nothing better.
everything i want
right here and now,
it was peaceful and
it was magnificent,
even if it’s a dream,
it’s the best i’ve had.
there’s nothing that
could even top this.
if this is paradise,
don’t wake me up.
paradise dreams.
1. lucky star (🍀⭐️)
wake up every day
and i wonder just
how this happened.
how did i end up
in the place i’m at?
there’s joy and love
and people who care,
i’m living my life and
i’m healthy as well.
it’s not even like
my diet’s that good.
and there’s all these
little things that are
making me happy.
a simple walk outside
just feels so good, and
i feel so motivated, too.
it’s so weird because
i was just having a
panic attack yesterday.
but somehow, i rise,
and i keep on going,
and i find some way
to stay strong and
push on through.
why is that?
guess i’m just
the lucky star
that keeps on
shining bright,
even when i’m
forced not to.
some days don’t
go as well, but
there’s always
a good moment
at the very end.
lucky star.
and i wonder just
how this happened.
how did i end up
in the place i’m at?
there’s joy and love
and people who care,
i’m living my life and
i’m healthy as well.
it’s not even like
my diet’s that good.
and there’s all these
little things that are
making me happy.
a simple walk outside
just feels so good, and
i feel so motivated, too.
it’s so weird because
i was just having a
panic attack yesterday.
but somehow, i rise,
and i keep on going,
and i find some way
to stay strong and
push on through.
why is that?
guess i’m just
the lucky star
that keeps on
shining bright,
even when i’m
forced not to.
some days don’t
go as well, but
there’s always
a good moment
at the very end.
lucky star.
light / dark (💡 / 🌑) preface
after over a month of hyping this up, teasing it, and being very vague about it, it’s finally here: my milestone 15th full-length album “light / dark (💡 / 🌑).” this one’s special because it’s so much different from my other albums: where most of my work is intensely personal, this album is more of a set of fictional poems loosely inspired by real events. not only that, but this album is divided into two parts: the “light end (💡🔚),” which is more positive, confident, and sure of itself, and the “dark end (💡🔚),” which is more sad, anxious, and lonely. this one’s really special, and i hope after all the cryptic teases, you guys enjoy it:
light end (💡🔚)
1. lucky star (🍀⭐️)
2. paradise dreams (🏖💭)
3. royalty (👑)
4. elated love (😄❤️)
5. golden sunshine ride (🏅☀️🎢)
dark end (💡🔚)
6. heartbreak on high (💔🔛⬆️)
7. trash joker (🚮🃏)
8. ghost chill (👻❄️)
9. a monster (🅰️👿)
10. tornado bird (🌪🐦)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
-
they don’t care what i’ve got to say, i could scream it to the heavens and no one would pay attention, been that way since the beginning, i’... -
it’s the darkest part of the year, should be filled with joy and love but all the lights have gone off, as my brain wanders, i search for a ... -
one of the late nights outside, trying to enjoy the last 17 minutes of summer, crickets chirping as i search across the night sky, trying to...