5. burn it down

take off the mask,

lose the suit, the shades,

wipe the makeup

from my face,

i can’t live

my life this way,

tired of playing

the fake,

all of this

for the sake

of entertainment?

can’t take it.

never felt more ready

to throw it all away,

no more pain,

i can’t go another day.

burn it all down.

watch the flame

take it all,

my highest blessing

and my biggest mistake,

i’ve stood on a lot

of stages,

but this is the greatest.

for the first time,

i feel like a star.

all the gasps,

the fear,

“is he crazy?”

i may be,

but suddenly,

i can really say

i’m comfortable.

if you want happiness,

prepare for bullshit.

life will gift you

with every kick

it can give,

but i’m tired

of getting hit,

i’ll get rid

of all this shit,

watch it combust,

“he threw his career away,”

i hear from behind,

and i just smile.

simultaneously,

i took a weight

off of my shoulders,

and i gave california

a nice parting gift.

so long,

and thanks for the torment.

let someone else

have my career.

i’m going home.

4. breakdown

my list of regrets

keeps piling up,

while my mental state

goes the opposite way,

deteriorates,

but i gotta hold it in,

because who knows

what they’ll print tomorrow?

“it’s a breakdown,

he’s insane,

i didn’t know he was sick,”

when i just want

these reporters

out of my face.

i just wanted

to make my mark

with my art,

but i got thrust

into the fire,

everybody tries

to sell the story,

rags to riches,

from humble beginnings

to worldwide status,

but never have i missed

my quiet start more

than when i’m up

at my greatest peak.

i could never be

this big again,

but maybe i need that

to leave this place.

being stuck in this mansion

makes me realize

how much it sucks,

i’d give it up

to have my old bed back.

i wanna see my dog

before they take him

to the doc,

maybe for the last time.

kiss him on the head

and tell him

i love him, mama.

cuddle with him,

love him up,

do everything i wish

i could right now,

i wish i had you both

by my side,

letting me know

everything will be alright.

i wanna go home.

3. unheard

whole crowd around me,

but i feel so unheard,

they bop to the songs

but do they hear the words?

did i really sign

my life away

to watch people

dance to my pain?

spilled it all on the page,

but i gave it away

to a label

that just wanted some plays.

i don’t want to diss,

because i wouldn’t

be here without it,

but is this really

what my life’s about?

i can’t even listen

to my work anymore,

don’t remember

it sounding so hollow,

and that’s the toughest

pill to swallow.

i want to drop this mic,

leave the stage

and never return,

this character can’t stay,

it’s eating away

and making me forget

what creativity feels like.

once the leader,

now they want me

to follow the pack

that i created,

i want them to flourish,

but i’m tired

of the suit and ties

trying to get me

to tail them from behind.

i wanna be me.

2. los angeles

everyone told me

LA was the mission,

can’t say

you’ve made it

if you ain’t out

and about

in the cali lights,

walk down the street

to see the paps and vlogs,

unwind at the palace

out in calabasas,

they play it up

on paper

only to break you

when you make it

out there.

thought i found the one

but it was a ruse,

felt the heartbreak

in la brea,

and i drank my pain away,

all i remember

was the splitting headache

the very next day,

hope the cameras

didn’t catch that act,

better avoid the tabloids

when i come back.

is this what it’s all

cracked up to be?

or is it a cruel,

sick joke,

one where the soul’s sucked,

forget the whole reason

you came out

in the first place

because you’re wasting away,

finding ways

to suppress the pain

while the world watches

and follows every trace.

i wish they’d look elsewhere.

1. a lie

city lights

gleam from behind,

the night sky

is my only ally,

and i search

for somewhere quiet

while the cars

drive by,

and the cameras

shine in my eyes,

just this one time,

can i have a place

to hide?

tired of living

this lie,

been dying

to lie down

for just a minute,

they act like i’m winning

but my head’s spinning,

think i’m happy

because i have a mill,

but i’d give all these bills

to kill the persona

and end this war.

look in the mirror

and don’t even

recognize me anymore,

one glance

and i fall to the floor,

can’t bear to look,

want to return

to life before

the fame

and the glamour,

end this part of me

once and for all.

before the night ends preface

it’s been so long since we last talked on here, and so much has changed. i’ve got plenty of new stuff i’m working on, and i hope i can share it soon. for now, i’ve got this new mini-album for you all, “before the night ends.” this is a short, fictional story-driven project that i wrote about a character exploring the dark sides of fame. was pretty inspired by the weeknd’s “after hours” with this one. hope you guys enjoy it, and i also hope you’re ready for more poems soon. after all, talking to you all through here is fun. we should do this more often:

1. a lie

2. los angeles

3. unheard

4. breakdown

5. burn it down

echo chamber

will i ever write

another six stanzas?

i can’t stand this,

my mind’s racing,

but stability’s

the only thing

i’ve been chasing,

last time we talked,

i thought my plans

would be greater,

but inner peace

ended up in pieces,

my reprieve

lasted a sweet 15,

say it ain’t so

but it seems

they were right,

nobody likes you

when you’re 23.

haven’t known

what to say,

i’m overwhelmed,

not trying to blow

anyone off,

but pardon my lack

of responses,

just not up

to talking,

i’m currently busy

banging my head

against a wall,

because every time

i think i have things

under control,

the solutions

start looking

for a problem.

i can’t even see

what i’m writing,

will these words

make sense

to anyone who reads?

am i just throwing letters

onto the page

with no regard

to how much sense

they make?

feel like i might as well

just hide my face,

never come back out,

for every step forward,

there’s five steps back,

i lost it all this year,

had it torn away,

and the only thing

that remains

is my paranoia.

welcome back.

10. lonesome

there he goes again,

the poor, lonely man

sitting out on his porch,

20 something, handsome,

but there was never

a smile on his face

when i saw him seated

on the porch’s bench.

he’d merely stare

if you gave him a wave,

i’d only see the man

drink his sorrows away,

the feeling of emptiness,

often only internal,

suddenly felt as though

it jumped out and sat

right next to him.

what was he thinking?

what was his story?

why did he hurt?

what caused his pain?

a picture on the porch,

his mom and his dad,

pops left, mom’s dead,

now it’s only him,

gotta make it on his own,

i’d like to hear his stories out,

bet he’d make you feel the pain

in every word he’d say.

pray for his peace,

pray he finds himself,

pray that, one day,

he makes his mama proud.

9. illusion, part 3

this is the most scared

that i’ve felt all day,

heard a local artist installed

a spinning spiral piece,

wanted to see it

but i kept my distance,

hoped the crowd would fade

but it’s been this big all day,

take a deep breath

and try to brave the storm,

get as close as i can

before it kicks in.

in the middle of the pile,

i try to stand up

on my tippy toes,

just wanted a peak,

does it really spin?

from a distance,

it surely does,

fading in and out

on the page,

there’s never an end,

works just as planned.

but after a minute,

i finally feel it,

the crowd around me

feels taller than i thought,

i try to keep breathing,

but my vision’s black

and the crowd’s chatter

starts to fade out,

everything will be fine,

just don’t fall down,

keep my balance,

keep my balance,

keep my balance,

keep my…

nope.

8. woodpecker

banging my head

against these trees,

i deal with the rigors

of living among the picidae,

i’m called “insane,”

you don’t know my pain,

antisocial, i shake,

chase and i feed,

i want to live in solitary,

can we keep it that way?

stop calling me woody

and get the hell away from me.

i am the woodpecker

and this is my forest,

today i awoke in the noon,

sometimes i think i’m an owl,

but dad doesn’t like that,

he tells me it’s time

to get out of my nest,

fend for myself,

grow and live on my own.

but i’m not ready yet.

look at everyone else,

they got their families,

they found their purpose,

but cut to me,

and i’m stuck

inside my mama’s nest,

still in endless debt,

and i wonder if i’ll ever get

away from my pain,

i guess this is life’s test

to see how much i can take.

7. days in macaroni

we used to call it “macaroni,”

too young to say it right,

think back to the times

where we would climb,

sit so high, you’d think

we were royalty,

crawl through the tunnel

and down the slide we go,

remember being the kid

who wanted to be the best

and swing the highest?

adventure!

cut to my teens,

and a few paces away,

we’d play on the field,

baseball was our game,

i wasn’t the strongest bat,

but i’ll never forget when

i turned a popup to first

into a home run,

or when the others played

with the infield in,

and i hit it over their heads,

hustled home and scored a run.

i almost felt like jeter.

now, when i walk by,

i see everyone else

having their fun

in the same way i did,

wish i could go back,

it all felt so quick,

suddenly i’m 21

and there’s no one

to play baseball with,

but hopefully, these kids

will make great memories

like i did long ago.

it’s pronounced “marconi,” by the way.

6. illusion, part 2

why the hell am i here?

of all the places

mom could take me

for my spring break,

it had to be this?

some creepy exhibit

of optical bullshit?

i could think of ten

better places to spend

my vacation, but nope,

i’ve gotta be cramped in

with some super nerds

looking at these brain teasers.

do none of them know about google?

and why are so many people

crowding around spinning spirals?

you guys paid $15 for this?

the internet is free, you know!

can’t you look this up

on your phone?

you act like you’ve never

seen it before,

haven’t gifs rendered

these silly things extinct?

how do they keep getting

such giant crowds?

mom, can we go home now?

5. sportsball ring

i never understood

what dad saw in that thing.

of all the keepsakes

to place on display,

why a stupid football ring?

it’s not like he played the game.

all he ever did

was sit and watch

with his friends,

i’d hear them curse

and yell at the TV,

they’d say some things

i wouldn’t even repeat.

what was the big deal?

a bunch of guys

threw some ball around,

won a big game,

and get these shiny rings?

guess it’s all because

he waited so long,

dad wanted something

his childhood couldn’t give,

seeing his team succeed

after years and years,

he’ll treasure the feeling forever,

no matter whether the team

sinks or swims from here,

that one special year

will never leave his memory,

i guess it’s best to just

let him have that victory.

i still don’t like the yelling, though.

4. illusion, part 1

like nothing i’ve ever seen,

swarms of people gathered here

to witness my first framed piece,

years i thought i’d wasted

made their way into this exhibit,

and so many are flocking to it,

whether or not it’s their favorite,

the fact that they came today

to celebrate a local like me,

i couldn’t believe it.

i cut my way to the front

to get a single shot

i can show to my mom,

i’ll tell her, “look, i made it!”

she’ll smile and squeeze

the life out of me, but first,

she’ll need to see it,

with my hood up,

i say “excuse me,”

and make my way through

this massive group,

chatterboxes that critique,

“who made this? it’s great!”

i make it to the front,

and there it is.

my beautiful illusion,

black and white circles

spin in succession,

just like the audience,

i’m somehow hypnotized

by my own work,

the optical games

at play,

i love how they

go off the page,

i didn’t think it’d work,

but they keep spinning

and i almost forgot

to capture it for mom,

good thing i got the video

before it pulled me in.

3. ride

seated inside the ride,

rip ride rockit,

a quick breath

to take in the fresh air,

before i’m buckled into

this boisterous ride,

a clash that snaps me

out of my chilled-out state,

I try in vain

to calm myself,

put my brain into a place

of peace and happiness.

then suddenly,

like a granite rock 

attack to the cranium,

i’ve been sent,

slingshotted in

like bart simpson, 

and there I sit, 

the zenith of the ride’s

vertical extent, 

i return to my head

once again as we all wait

for the drop,

spins and tilts and slides,

and a baby cries,

to my surprise,

did they make it

on the ride?

i don’t have time,

just calm my mind.

and with a breath,

i take the plunge.

2. cleaning my memories

scrubbing the tub,

the sponge scrapes

upon the clear,

bright surface,

and the scratchy

noise of the tool

grows as the tub shines

and smoothes out,

but don’t step too close,

or the pesky chemicals 

will enter wherever they can,

keep it shut

if a funky taste

isn’t something you favor,

but savor the scent

of the finished product,

reminiscent of the waterpark

frequented as a child,

all the memories flood back

as fast as the shower

when the water flows out

to rinse it all away,

like the memory fading,

a wave crashes

and as you look

at the newly clean bathroom,

it’s all back to the status quo,

wait for the cycle to repeat next week.

1. how to tame a monster

his presence was all that kept you in a calm state on the darkest of days, when you had no one to run to, and his soft cuddles were all you needed to leave you peaceful. the smartphone was no companion to stay by your bedside, all you had with stitch to hold in your arms. he kept both eyes out to protect you from the monster under your bed, you weren’t ready to face him head-on, so you left it to your bodyguard to fight him while your eyes closed. do you remember the fear of waking to his aching leg? prayed every day that mama had in it her to take the pain away? then you flashed back to the time you met a friend, scared to say even a single word until stitch extended a hand to introduce you. now, you walk into a class of strangers, but you don’t have him to break the ice, left back at home with all the keepsakes and tried to learn to function on your own. someone walks up to you and extends their hand, what do you do?

the workshop chronicles preface

my 29th poetry album is a bit different than some of my other ones. i call this one "the workshop chronicles." in a way, this is more of a b-sides project, and this album is comprised of poems that i wrote during my poetry workshop class in my senior year of college. i had intentions of releasing these poems at some point, but just never got around to it until now. so, here they are, intact in the state they were in at the end of the semester. that said, i did make a few changes to fit my aesthetic (our professor hated when we typed in all lowercase, but now, i have the freedom to do that). even though i don't like to say much about the poems in these prefaces, i will actually provide some context for each one. as they were all written as part of assignments, i'll give some insight as to the assignment each poem was attached to:

1. how to tame a monster - for this assignment, we had to write a poem based on one of the works from kayo chingonyi's poetry book "kumukanda." mine was based on the poem "guide to proper mixtape assembly."

2. cleaning my memories - with this, we had to write a poem about an odd job.

3. ride - the stipulation with this was to write a poem about a public place. 

4. illusion, part 1 - technically, the three parts of this poem were all one long piece, but i decided to cut it into three individual poems for this album. basically, we had to focus on voice with this, writing the same poem, but from the perspective of three different characters. this was the perspective of one character.

5. sportsball ring - here, we had to focus in on a specific heirloom.

6. illusion, part 2 - part 2 of the aforementioned three-part poem.

7. days in macaroni - with this, we had to write a poem about a landscape/location unique to our area.

8. woodpecker - simply, we had to write a poem about an animal, zeroing in on its lore and character traits, and implementing that into a story.

9. illusion, part 3 - the third and final part of the aforementioned three-part poem.

10. lonesome - finally, we had to write a poem where we created a character.

23

life got put

on the standstill

and suddenly,

i can’t spill,

priorities change,

my words don’t

come out the same,

but as i take my time

away from the game,

i see how much

has changed,

the progress i’ve made,

poetry saved me,

inspired me to change,

i don’t drop

like i once did,

but i’m in a better place

than i was then.

i walked

through the flames

and lost a lot

on the way,

people came and went,

some i thought

i couldn’t live without,

i’d learn to doubt,

and i turned cynical,

saw through the sheen

and witness the difficult,

i know i’m not spitting

like when 2018 matt

was livid

with the written word,

spiraled and tried

to make his feelings viral,

a constant tidal wave

of pain and self-hate

that i couldn’t escape.

but now i’ve made it.

found my inner peace

and comfort,

i suffered before,

but like cudi,

i’m reborn,

and i’m moving towards

a place of ease,

somewhere i’m meant

to be,

gave myself time

to breathe,

and while anxiety

doesn’t fully cease,

it’s nice to control

and have a reprieve.

even if the poetry

takes a leave,

it’ll come back,

and i’ll always

have it with me,

because a writer

never sleeps.

23.

10. trust

i’ve watched

my world crumble,

the pain increased,

i’ve seen the lack

of empathy

in many that i meet,

saw idols turn to rivals,

looked down on those

that stood taller,

peaked behind the curtain

and saw the evil,

now i’m rejecting love,

i’ve let my heart grow cold,

allowed my trust

to dissipate

as i navigate

to avoid the snakes.

22, and i already feel

like i’ve had enough,

put through the wringer

and i still feel soaked,

had to save myself

from the stress

of society

and try to find

my own happiness,

even as i’ve turned

and embraced the cynic

that’s been living in me

since i had to fake

all those smiles.

but i’m learning how

to trust my mental,

it’s not the best

but it’s what i’ve got,

pieced together

and stitched with flaws,

mistakes will be made,

but we work to fix them,

i’ll be with me

from here on out,

no matter how tough,

who comes and who goes,

i’ll always have me,

a constant work in progress,

but a content soldier

with a point to prove

and a mark to be left.

so let’s do it.

9. blackballed

i don’t give in

to a system,

i don’t bite my tongue,

and i won’t let a soul

tell me what i write,

right or wrong,

i shape my stories,

place these words

on the page

and keep on fighting

as i wait for the day

where i get to bask

in the glory

of the success i made

that they all tried

to take away.

ever since i wrote “career,”

i’ve been blackballed,

the demons wanted me

to take the fall,

they’ve been haunting

and finding ways

to cause my failure

for far too long now,

feel like i’ve lived

every day

with my back planted

against the wall,

used to them wanting

to see me collapse,

but i’ll get my wins,

and on the way up,

they’ll be the ones

that’ll lose.

watch your chickens

come home to roost

for all the years

you threw me aside,

had so much pride

but out came the lies,

you tried to sabotage,

mess with my mind,

but try as they might,

i won’t fall down,

i’ll lead the way,

carve out my lane,

and when they try

to crawl back,

i’ll remind ‘em

of the times

where they turned,

tried to hold me down,

but you won’t put me out.

just wait and see.

8. run away

i’ve got things in life

i wanna leave behind,

the remnants

and memories

i’ve tried to forget,

burn it all away

and take the ones

that make life heavy,

remove me from the hell

that they create,

the toxicity that weighs

and takes a toll,

as their chaos grows,

it’s hard to go

and find a happy place,

because i’m stuck

in this awful state.

surprised to find

that time has not

been kind to you,

through all the years,

you never grew,

numbers went up

but you stayed the same,

never made a change,

i always took the blame,

all the things you did

for selfish gain,

made me believe

that i was at fault,

went about it

without a lick of regret,

and i’m sick and tired

of this insult.

i wanna run away,

change this part

of my story,

remove you from it,

handle myself

without the weight

of your pressure,

i wanna prove

my independence

that you contend

i have none of,

there’s no amending

for the sins of your past

when they bleed so much

into your present self,

i gave you every chance,

but now, i’m done.

just let me go.

7. loyalty

i live quietly,

but best believe

i see the signs,

take note of the energy,

watch all the fakes,

how they’re pampered,

made to believe

they’re the ones

doing it right,

no accountability,

just a shower of gifts,

while the rest compete

for slim pickings

because they don’t get

the pedestal.

punish the good

and reward the bad,

pamper them

with hugs and kisses

and a pat on the back,

no matter how much

they harass,

the double standard

is laughable,

treated like they

saved the world

when all they were

was toxic,

treat them like royalty

and kick away

the genuine ones.

what’s it take

to get some loyalty

these days?

everyone’s got priorities

in the wrong places,

wasting their energy

on the people

who don’t deserve it,

the manipulators,

putting on faces

to get further

than everyone else,

but i can’t wait

to watch it all crumble,

catch you being met

with a terrible fate.

clock’s ticking.

6. no love

how am i over here

heartbroken over someone

i haven’t even met?

get the butterflies

when i see your face,

but i haven’t said a word,

and you’re perfect,

but i’m not the one,

and i see you happy

with another lover,

but for some reason,

i can’t get over it,

and i’m hurting from it.

what kinda nonsense is that?

and why am i missing

the one that manipulated

and took advantage of me?

it never worked out,

things fell apart quick,

and everyone says

it’s bad for my health,

but i want you back,

i want to live

in a world with no anger,

where cooler heads prevail,

where all that mess

is just a bad memory

that we can put in the past,

where things work out

and no one talks down

about who you were,

but they see the good

in who you are today.

too late for that, i’d say.

in my dreams,

all i’m seeing

is the romance,

the love, the sex,

things i’ve never wanted less,

but yet, they still exist,

when i drift to sleep,

my thoughts obsess

on what i don’t have,

can’t say i need them

but why do i see them?

how do i simultaneously

feel satisfied and lonely?

individual but codependent,

scared of a commitment

but still wishing for it?

what am i doing?

5. burnout

got so much to do,

but no time to get there,

and i’m teetering

on the edge

as i try to keep up,

my switch flickers off

but i don’t rest,

i push through the stress,

even if it wrecks me,

expecting a result

but getting nothing,

this should be more,

starting to feel

the chances of success

do nothing but lessen.

good things come

to those who wait,

but i’ve been patient

for way too long,

and as i look around,

i still wonder

if i lost my shot,

wonder if i’ll ever find

a sense of triumph

as a content soldier

trying to make

the battalion proud,

but instead, i drown,

with no slowing down,

i’m stuck with this burnout.

the tank’s on empty,

but frantically,

the pedal gets pushed,

trying to get it going,

but i’m slowing,

the lack of stamina’s

got my brain

all over the place,

moving every direction

except forward,

and i’m waiting

for the day where i crash,

buried by the burden,

back to feeling worthless,

thought i made progress,

but i’m back where i started.

4. saturate

where do i go?

my words don’t flow

like they did

years ago,

and every time

i sit down and try

to tell you the tale,

everything escapes.

the honesty,

the rawness,

the feeling,

i know all the answers

until it’s crunch time,

there’s a poem to jot,

but it escapes my head,

how do i get it back?

it was the pain

that made me

pick up the pen,

so what do i write

when i’m feeling alright?

and how do i make

the emotion hit

the way it once did?

did i box myself in?

wrote my way

into a corner

that won’t let me out,

and i look back

at the empire i built,

afraid it’s cracking,

on the verge of collapsing.

did i blow it all at once?

saturate it with albums

at a record pace,

but now i can’t figure out

what to say.

do i deserve to continue

telling my story?

or will i leave them

constantly asking

“where is he?”

has the crown

been slowly slipping

off of me?

as the written word,

once my best friend,

has turned itself

into an elusive enemy?

what comes next?

3. condition

woke up with an ache,

it’s typical,

i stare in the mirror,

don’t look sick

but i feel it,

one of those days

incoming,

turning in knots,

all i can do

is lay in bed,

diet of soup and toast,

they say ginger ale

is the miracle,

but i’m waiting for it

to kick in.

i’ve known i’m not normal,

nine long years,

gone in and out

of hospitals,

and it won’t go away,

i know i’ve got it

for the rest of my life,

i’ve fought for this long

and i know i have

to keep going,

it’ll always hang over me

with everything i do,

and i know that

i can handle it.

but i just want a day

without the stomach pain,

where i won’t

have to worry

if my dinner

will rip me to shreds,

where a trip

to the bathroom

won’t feel like

a death sentence,

where i don’t

have to constantly think

about my condition

taking away great things

that i’m offered in life,

where that interference

is non-existent,

where i didn’t

have to feel

like sick days

were the standard.

where i was normal.

2. useless

every time i think

i’ve got things

under control,

i find myself falling

back in the same holes,

there’s too much pressure

i’m struggling to handle,

carrying the weight

of the world

on my shoulders,

and now they’re breaking,

i’m the one they fated

to create great things,

but all i’m doing

is wasting away,

trying to smile and pretend

everything’s okay,

but slowly, i’m fading,

not worth saving,

every day, i feel useless.

and there’s some people

i care about

that have been gone

for way too long,

i start to wonder

if they’d want me around,

i’ve lost too many before,

and the fear of rejection

is kicking in again,

how many friends

will i have left?

don’t think i have it in me

to win this battle

against the world,

weakened and drained,

i’m losing my grasp,

don’t know where i go next.

will i even make it to 25?

and am i staying alive

for the quality of life?

or just to say that i survived?

gain some bragging rights

while i’m losing my mind?

worn down by the grind,

no matter how hard i try,

i’m not thriving,

rather go into hiding,

required to keep smiling,

pretend that i’m fine,

chilling on cloud nine

and making stars align,

but on the inside,

i feel like i’m dying.

1. breaking

like a wrecking ball

to a worn-out stadium,

the walls are crumbling,

tried to piece them

back together,

but nothing holds up,

i’m breaking apart

in front of your very eyes,

watch and be amazed

as i try, in vain,

to appear okay,

while the pain overtakes me,

can’t keep my head straight,

and these days,

can’t bring myself to say

that i feel great.

and i’m finding

that the times

where i’m dead inside

are when i feel

the most alive,

breaks the monotony

of the moments spent

moving like a zombie,

numb to it all,

i stay desensitized,

then every once in a while,

the thoughts pile,

feel like a fleet

of a hundred miles,

brain at a 120 frame rate,

and light or dark,

it never slows.

lately, i’m feeling

scared to go to sleep,

sink into the pillow

and my breath shortens,

almost feel the blanket

suffocating me,

and closing my eyes

is the scariest part,

i’m always worried

they won’t open tomorrow,

insomnia rushing back,

every time i think i’ve tamed

the vicious beast,

it arrives to disrupt the peace

and remind me that,

no matter how hard i try,

i’ll always be broken.

life’s fucked.

lifestyle of the jaded and nameless preface

while my poetry output has slowed from what it once was, that doesn't mean i don't still have it in me to put out new work. after five months, i finally have a new poetry album (my 28th full-length project) which i've titled "lifestyle of the jaded and nameless." i'm sorry it took so long to release, but as i mentioned, i'm not as good at writing poetry in a short amount of time as i used to be. i've been working on this project since september of last year, but a number of major changes and new priorities have taken my attention away from poetry a bit. even so, poetry is something that will never leave me, and i feel like i'll always have stories to tell. originally, this project was gonna be shorter than the usual 10 poems (it was gonna have 8), but at the last minute, i had a bit of a creative burst and was able to get two more written. this album has a lot of very tough, personal tales in it, but it was an extreme labor of love and i'm so happy to finally put it out for everyone to read. i hope you all enjoy it.

1. breaking

2. useless

3. condition

4. saturate

5. burnout

6. no love

7. loyalty

8. run away

9. blackballed

10. trust

the alien & the fish

crash landed

on this planet,

would’ve pled insanity

but i made it

without panic,

one small disadvantage,

my ship’s badly damaged,

tried to find

a repairman,

but as i wandered around,

all i found was a fish,

always wanted to meet one,

she promised to fix

the broken-down rocket,

and guard me away

from those hateful humans.

guess we’re not usually welcome here.

on our journey,

she told me the tale

of her victory

in a massive fight

with the loch tess monster,

braving a storm

and taming the beast

that had to stand

at least ten feet above,

i’d never heard a story

this stellar before,

and the more she told,

the more i was sold.

there was a feeling

that bubbled up,

i never thought of,

but here it was.

am i in love?

before i knew it,

she was done.

the ship was fixed,

and it was time to go.

locking our eyes,

i could barely muster

a simple “thank you.”

with a smile and a nod,

she was gone,

and i was taking off.

but as i lifted

into the night sky,

she stayed on my mind,

her stories of slaying

such evil creatures,

i wish i could see her

one more time,

to tell her how much

she meant to me,

but instead,

i’m among the stars,

just a few light-years

until i’m back home.

and i’ll never forget the fish.