4. breakdown

my list of regrets

keeps piling up,

while my mental state

goes the opposite way,

deteriorates,

but i gotta hold it in,

because who knows

what they’ll print tomorrow?

“it’s a breakdown,

he’s insane,

i didn’t know he was sick,”

when i just want

these reporters

out of my face.

i just wanted

to make my mark

with my art,

but i got thrust

into the fire,

everybody tries

to sell the story,

rags to riches,

from humble beginnings

to worldwide status,

but never have i missed

my quiet start more

than when i’m up

at my greatest peak.

i could never be

this big again,

but maybe i need that

to leave this place.

being stuck in this mansion

makes me realize

how much it sucks,

i’d give it up

to have my old bed back.

i wanna see my dog

before they take him

to the doc,

maybe for the last time.

kiss him on the head

and tell him

i love him, mama.

cuddle with him,

love him up,

do everything i wish

i could right now,

i wish i had you both

by my side,

letting me know

everything will be alright.

i wanna go home.