the last 17 minutes of summer

one of the late nights

outside,

trying to enjoy

the last 17 minutes

of summer,

crickets chirping

as i search

across the night sky,

trying to find

some answers,

the clock strikes

midnight

and i say goodbye,

reminiscing on the few times

life felt right,

circle back to july,

holding on

to these memories

like i held on

to you that night,

so scared

to let myself feel it,

now i’m too scared

to ever say it,

but i didn’t want

to let go.

how can i expect her

to like me back

when i don’t even

like me back?

and how will i ruin it

like i do

all my friendships?

how will my way

of saying too much

come back around

to haunt me today?

i should just

go away,

i’m lost and i’m scared

and i’m so afraid

to disappoint,

i’m losing my mind

by the minute,

and the demons

i learned to quiet

are suddenly louder.

summer’s gone,

put it in the books,

i was on top

of the world

for a minute,

now i’m sinking,

never a good swimmer,

but i’m thrown

into the ocean,

trying to ride

the wave

when the water’s

around my chin,

let it crash

and wash me ashore,

i made it out,

but will i ever find

anything more?

pick myself up

and learn to walk again,

life leaves me unsure,

but maybe one day,

i'll be okay.

time to go back inside.