grateful

tell me

what i got

to be grateful for,

i’m alive

but i’m barely surviving,

just when i thought

i cleared my mind,

here comes ’23

tryna take me alive,

messing with my health

more than a couple times,

devil working double time,

and i gotta keep

pretending i’m fine

so i don’t worry them,

even though

i’m dying inside,

got me writing

the same thing

again and again,

when all i’m thinking of

is my friends

and where they went.

i got brothers

losing family,

it’s like i lost

a part of mine,

i got friends

working three jobs

and still can’t put

food on the table,

i got people

losing their homes,

and i can’t do

nothing about it,

buried in these

student loans,

dying to help

but i can’t even

help myself,

almost got eaten

by the machine,

now i can’t even

find peace

in my job security,

and i can’t do enough

to help the team.

i got love

ruining my mind again,

this is why

i tried

to avoid it

in the first place,

every time i fall,

i grow more depressed,

convinced they hate me

more by the day,

i’m trying to find a way,

but therapy

evades me,

every time i think

i’ve found it,

the business comes in

and leads me astray,

so i never have

the help i need

for long enough

to make a difference,

stuck figuring my shit out

on my own,

keep being told i’m strong,

but i’m exhausted,

dying for a break

that life can never provide.

so i ask one more time…

why should i be grateful?