Wednesday, August 28, 2019

status update

can’t even begin to
describe it, it’s true,
realizing it more and
more, i’m at a point
in my life quite a few
couldn’t get to before,
year number four and
it’s coming at me fast,
time moves in a flash,
i keep pushing forward
and i’m just trying to
keep my head on me.

but i still can’t tell
where i’m headed,
i’m going in every
different direction.
just as confident as
i am nervous, just as
happy as i am sad, a
beautiful mess, elated
and then deflated, i’m
making the best of it,
just can’t tell right now
if i’m great at it, guess
i’ve gotta just stay at it.

hurts that lately, i’ve
been thinking of you,
and i know that i said
i wouldn’t write about
that but fuck this, i’m
back on my bullshit,
started to wish that
pettiness didn’t get
in the way and i want
this to go right back to
what it was before, not
just for you but for those
around, distanced myself
from some surrounding us,
wish things would work out.

guess i felt i should show
what my headspace is like,
give a quick diary entry, not
hold this inside, number 25,
i try and i try, it’ll take a while
to get it right, but my sights
are set on it, i’ll get on it, i’m
planning it, not panicking, so
bear with the slow news weeks,
but don’t look too deep in, you
might have an idea what it’ll be
if you look back in the capsule.

don’t go too far.

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