5. split second

do you ever stop for a minute
and wonder what happened
to those people you met
and left in a flash?
just someone you happened
to say hi to on the street?
maybe a waiter
at a restaurant
that you never saw again,
no matter how many times
you went back?

you ever wonder
what happened
to that one person
you said hello to,
but never said goodbye to?
the person that left your life
just as soon as they entered?
the chance encounter
that faded away
into the memory dump?
you ever wonder
if that was the person
you would take to the moon
with you?

i hope they’re all happy.
you know,
the people i never said goodbye to?

i hope the woman
that i helped at the store
keeps going to church
and staying positive
in this wild-ass world.
i hope my friends at the store
keep helping her out,
she was so kind and loving,
almost like a second mom.

i hope the gentlemen
who said “bless you” when i sneezed
gets many blessings sent his way,
i hope the kid
who asked me to play with him
when i was on the clock
found another friend to play with.
i hope the lady
with the baby
that wanted my brother
to take her picture
lives a life of love
with the child.
i hope the guy
who scared me
by yelling out the window
of his car
when i walked home at night
got to his house safely.
and i hope the cute girl
that i saw all the time
but never actually knew
found a lover
to keep her warm at night.

in such a short life,
we can learn so much
from split-second interactions.
this is the beauty of life:
the sense of wonder
that comes from
the tiniest of things.

it’s magnificent.

4. christmas presents

christmas comes
but once a year,
and it’s all about
the joy,
the love,
and the family.
but more than anything,
we get excited
for the gifts
that santa brings
to us.

i remember when
i made christmas lists,
“i want that new nintendo system,
or the power ranger megazord,
or a trip to disney world!”
all the things
that santa could bring,
the toys,
the games,
the chocolate,
that’s all i wanted,
but now it’s different,
because the things that i want,
santa can’t bring me.

i want my college bills
to be paid off,
i want people
to stop killing
all the time,
i want my crush
to love me back,
i want my dog
to live forever,
and i want the world
to be happy again.
santa can’t bring me
all of that,
even if he wanted to.

but i do know that
he can bring optimism,
he can bring excitement,
he can bring out
the child within us,
he can make us
forget our problems
and just be happy.
he can bring us together
just for one day
and remind us
that there’s so much
to be thankful for.

so at least there’s that.

3. clocks

where did the time go?
what happened to
the days of playing
with my toys in
the basement?
the days where i
turned my loneliness
into adventures,
where the red ranger
met willy wonka,
played hide-and-seek
behind the toy box,
and flew on starly
to the magical islands?

where are the days
where the back basement
was locked
and i wasn’t allowed in?
what happened to the times
when i thought there was
a monster lurking back there,
that only came out
when i was away?

or what about the days
where i didn’t care for “love?”
what happened to girls
having cooties?
you play hello kitty,
i play digimon,
and don’t try to hug me!
keep your kisses
away from me,
i don’t want that,
buzz lightyear doesn’t need kisses!

now the red ranger
and willy wonka
are long since gone,
and i can’t remember
if they went in the trash
or in someone else’s hands,
but they aren’t with me.
starly flew away
and the toy box is gone,
in it’s old place,
mere emptiness,
a small void,
a childhood gone.

and there was no monster
in the back basement,
nothing but dust
and boxes.
there’s no lock anymore,
and i can go back,
but what’s the point?
all the fear and curiosity
fly out the window
when the door is wide-open
all the time.

and love is what i yearn for now.
i don’t think kissing is yucky
but i still haven’t tried,
and i like someone now.
a few years late
but i’m feeling what that’s like,
and it’s lovely and scary
all at the same time.

i guess we can’t
turn back the clock
because life
has to move on.
and even though
we want to go back
and play with our toys,
we have to grow and evolve.
why? i don’t know,
i didn’t make life,
but i’ll try my best
to stay positive
and work my hardest
on everything
life throws at me,
and maybe i’ll see
the red ranger and
willy wonka again
when i fly my starly
to the magical islands.

2. deprivation

consumed by my own loneliness,
everything around me is a blur.
i search for some warmth
and comfort,
just hoping the fear
will subside.

it only haunts me
further and further,
i feel the need
to run faster and faster,
but there’s no escape,
and i’m afraid to close my eyes,
because this isn’t just a dream,
you can’t pinch me
to stop this,
because there’s no knowing
where it’s going.
for all we know,
it could be behind me now,
taunting, scaring,
no one even knows.

i could be staring at it
as i type these words.
it’s around here somewhere,
and i can’t stop moving
or it’ll take over,
shake me,
push me to places
i don’t even wanna go.
it could break me,
it could disrupt my flow,
but how can i run
when there’s no getting up?

my body won’t stand,
because it doesn’t want to,
it wants to be here
in the solitude,
reflecting
and thinking back
to the good times,
but the beast lurks
and doesn’t like personal space,
it just wants to take mine.

not tonight, please. just go away.

1. the parting gift

“hey, i remember meeting that girl,
she was a knockout,
what ever happened to her?”

well, first of all,
thanks for throwing me
on the spot,
we’re all at the table,
our faces are stuffed,
and now i have to tell the world
all of my business?
gee, how considerate.

and second of all…
…well…
…i don’t know how to answer that…
…what did happen to her?
i don’t even know
what to say:
we were that close,
and suddenly,
poof.

one night together,
it was perfect,
everything was lovely,
even the food.
but after that,
something felt off,
nothing was the same.
conversations?
hardly held them.
emotions?
i sensed few of them.
my presence?
didn’t seem to want it.

but through it all,
i was told nothing was wrong,
and maybe i’m gullible,
but i believed it,
and just assumed all was well,
but things still felt off.
just couldn’t shake it.
i didn’t do any wrong,
did i?

and then i realized
what was going on.
i followed the clues
and i found out
you really didn’t want me.
distraught,
i took out my frustration
on a keyboard,
and it only made things worse.
you said i was aggressive,
and i didn’t believe it,
but for a minute, i was,
and it only fucked things up further.

it wasn’t even about your love,
no, nothing of the sort.
you were one of my best friends
and i didn’t want to lose that,
but now it’s gone,
we haven’t spoken since,
and i’ve learned to accept it.
some friendships
just aren’t meant to be,
you have your plans
and i have mine.
i wish you the best,
and i’m glad that you're happy.
don’t want there to be hate
or anger between us,
i don’t want
to get in the way,
just know that i’m sorry
if i did you wrong,
and i’m always grateful
for the memories we shared.

but now i take my leave,
as i head to the real world
without you,
i was destined for this,
and it’s time to forget.
goodbye, old friend,
sorry to waste your time.

- lovebug

what happens preface

my second full-length poetry album is finally complete. i call this one "what happens?" i went into this one without a theme in mind, and i focused a lot on randomness. that's why the cover art is simple graffiti i found on the walls in my school. from here on out with my prefaces, by the way, i'm not going to explain what each poem on each project is about (unless the situation calls for it). i'd rather not spoon-feed you guys, because that's not the point of poetry. however, i'll post the tracklist each time, just so you know what order to read them in:

1. the parting gift

2. deprivation

3. clocks

4. christmas presents

5. split second

6. the machine

7. comparisons

8. brain storm

9. passion

10. i

bing

cover art courtesy of gargoyle pastures

you went and did it.
betraying my trust
as a friend,
i thought you were
on our side,
but you went and did
the unspeakable,
and it hit me like
“bing!”
why did you do it,
and more than once, too?

i had you saved
in my phone
and referred to as
“my dude,”
but now i feel sick
just thinking about you.
don’t you remember
when you told me
that you felt ashamed
that women had to
walk around at night
feeling scared?
but look what you’ve done!
THREE TO FOUR?
it shouldn’t have even
happened once!

but then what was worse,
when the going got tough,
you ran the other way.
dropped off of socials,
didn’t address a thing.
i thought you were smart,
but i was dead wrong,
especially when you came back,
with a sudden name change,
you said you had to
go through your material,
but why?
to sweep it under the rug?
wipe away your past?
feed on the misery
of the women
who have to live
with what you did?

you were once
once of my best friends,
the coolest kid
on the block,
a guy with mad talent
and the brain to match it.

well, i thought you had the brains.

but now i see
the real you,
a wolf in sheep’s clothing,
getting away with your
awful actions.
i hope karma
catches up to you,
because then you’ll have
some justification
for that high anxiety
of yours.