10. break

well, here we are.
thousands of words
in just over a month, huh?
a lot of different places, too,
some darker than others,
but what a ride it was.
i gained a lot
but lost some, too.
i lost myself,
fell to my worst,
but writing saved me.
i could’ve gone further
if it wasn’t for poetry
being my drug.
and so what
if no one read it?
leaving my imprint
and getting it out
was more important
than the arbitrary “like.”
the world changes around me,
life inspires art,
and my life changed
over such a short time.
i coped through
the written word,
i spoke through my joy,
my frustrations,
my sadness,
and i went down different paths,
all necessary
to get to where i am today.
i’m finally happy,
i’m where i want to be,
no more sadness,
gone is my stress,
the best days are here,
and i’m loving them all.
poetry is just
one of my joys
and i’m glad i had it.

i think a nice break is in order.

9. career

so that’s what it’s like
to be dropped like it’s hot.
three weeks
and i haven’t heard a peep.

i expected a call,
it’s the least you could do.
after all,
the cops were inside,
word-of-mouth said there was a gun,
he was up in my face,
i feared for my life,
shed tears in the back,
but i got out of dodge.
and after all the good times,
good things that you said,
“valuable asset to the team”
my ass.

you’re only loved,
if you go all the way up,
here’s a card
as we send you on your way!
but not me,
hell, i didn’t get a call
asking if i was okay.
almost nine months
just pissed down the drain,
now i understand
why they talk behind your back.

always thought you were caring,
a good one all-around,
but it was part of your act
just to get me to stay,
spiral down further
in my mental state.
true colors were exposed,
and we’re just statistics,
we’re replaceable
you probably forgot my existence.
just like everything else
that you forgot all the time,
need to talk? days off?
“oh whoops, slipped my mind!”

shit, i’m writing rhythmic again.
i don’t do that anymore,
but it comes to my brain,
because i can’t help but ask,
why didn’t i hear from you?
the emotional stress
was too much to take,
pushed over the ledge,
no i’m not coming back.

seems like you don’t care,
“fuck your feelings, matt,
there’s other college kids
that’ll go right in your spot.”
and i’ll have you know
i didn’t find everything okay,
because bullshit wasn’t on my
shopping list.

i did what i could
and i tried my best
and i wasn’t perfect,
but i owned my mistakes.
leaving was not one of those,
but not hearing from you
after i was promised a call,
now that’s a mistake
that hasn’t been owned.
after almost nine months,
i think i deserved better,
but you have your plans
and i have mine, too,
so thanks for letting me help
you to throw me away.

good luck to everyone else.

8. happy matt's back

you miss me?
yeah, i did too.
i was off in a dark place,
not sure what to think.
life just got me down,
overthinking was destroying me,
slowly but surely,
i was heading where i didn’t want to go.

and i’ll admit,
i’m still tired,
there’s still some things
that need to be done,
some changes to make,
but i’ll do what i do,
because i’m where i want to be,
i’m stress-free,
and best of all,
i’m happy.
they say you gotta hit rock bottom
to know how it feels,
and i was right there,
my lowest possible point.

the positivity wasn’t there,
the pessimist came out,
i wasn’t myself,
and you can tell.
but i just needed time
to breathe,
to stay calm,
to motivate myself,
to look on the bright side,
and know that it’ll be alright.

i had people,
they helped me out,
they kept me happy,
made me smile,
brought out the laughs,
lifted me up
when the world wanted me down,
and they might never know
how much they helped,
but thank you guys
for bringing me back
and keeping me strong.

happy matt’s back.

7. no likes

fuck those rhymes.
all just cheesy shit,
not from the heart,
first thing to pop up
and i jot down
this ridiculous plot
where a bunch of random words
just happen to make sense.
do the words i write
really have meaning
when they’re thrown together like that?

why do you think i changed my game?
can’t just keep rhyming words
and thinking i’m being clever
when all i’m doing
is writing nonsense
that no one will read.
and the few that do read it
will just think i’m a clone
of a man we call slim
and i’m not trying to be shady
‘cause he’s on another level
that i’ll never match.

because i’m not him.

free-verse gives me a better platform
to have some clarity,
to be honest,
to be real,
to share my emotions,
to be unapologetically me,
and, for once in my life,
not follow the rules.

we express ourselves differently.
i could write paragraphs about this,
but poetry feels right.
and even still,
very few will read these words,
but that’s okay.
i’m the founder of the “no likes club,”
so what’s one more post
with zero likes
gonna do to me?

well…

6. my dear

you grabbed my heart and never let go.
how you went from friend to crush in a year i’ll never know.
you won me over, you were so perfect.
your good intentions, your sweetness, your purity,
i was drawn in.

we were just kids making some films,
loving art, loving life,
and then you got me,
one magical night
was all it took.

i fell for you,
you were beautiful,
inside and out,
those beautiful eyes,
your perfect smile,
your gorgeous hair,
your lovely voice,
your heart of gold.
pure perfection.

but could it be a fluke?
was it the heat of the moment?
did i really like you that much?
weren’t you just a friend?
how could i know if my heart
was playing tricks?

one more night
was what it took.
make special plans once more,
see if this was how i felt,
or if my heart was just being funny.

it wasn’t.

i did it.
i fell in love.
i never thought i would.
i’ve had crushes before,
but none as big as this.
everything about you
was wonderful,
not a single flaw, and that’s hard to do.
i loved you.
i’d never thought about relationships before,
i didn’t want to commit,
there was too much stress,
i never found the right person,

so i thought.
it just turns out that the right person
was there all along.
i just didn’t see it.
but then i felt it,
you were the one,
you brought me happiness in ways
few others have before.

i loved you so much.

but you weren’t ready,
you didn’t want to commit,
you didn’t want a relationship yet,
and that’s fine,
i’m glad we’re still friends,
and things have stayed strong.

but i still shake
and my heart still races
when i see you around.
and i might be a wimp
but even a “hello”
gets me nervous.
i still feel the same,
but i have to respect your space,
because we’re friends,
and i don’t want to lose what we have.

but i want you to know,
more than anything else,
i love you so,
and i’ll wait until the end of the world
for you to be ready.
i’ll give my heart to no one
other than you
and if i have to wait forever,
i’ll wait right here,

my dear.

5. me too

i need my space.
when i say “don’t touch,”
you fucking listen.
how many more times
do i have to say that
no means no
until you get that
there’s an issue?

what the hell
goes through your mind
when you force someone
into sex
when that’s not what they want?
how do you sleep at night
knowing that you made someone
feel unsafe,
uncomfortable,
petrified,
and all for self-gain,
so you could brag to your friend
and tell ‘em, “yeah i touched them!”
was it that nice of a touch
that you need to tell the world?

think of it yourself,
what if someone touched you there
and you didn’t want them to?
think if you
had to be thrown into a bed
and sexed without a thought
of whether you wanted it,
how would it feel?
pretty shitty, huh?

grab ‘em by the pussy,
you can do anything,
but why the fuck would you?
did you ever stop to think
if they wanted that?
before you moved on her like a bitch,
did you use your brain?
did you ask yourself
if her husband would’ve liked that?

if you even think
that this isn’t a problem,
reevaluate your life,
think about someone other
than yourself,
don’t be so fucking jaded,
because sexual assault
and harassment is real.

we live in a world
where people feel shocked
that they’ve never been
harassed or assaulted
in such a way during their lives.
if that’s not enough
to wake you up,
there’s no fucking hope
for you.

everyone else,
we have to be there
for those that have suffered,
we need to comfort them,
we need to let them know
that they’ll be okay,
and i’m not sure
how or if
we can stop this,
but at least we can try,
and self-control is the first step.

the next is consent.

#NoMeansNo #MeToo

4. blood

bodies
spread across the floor,
the blood was splattered,
the damage was done.

killed by a man,
his heart black as night,
his soul never to be cleansed,
50 gone, all for what?
the hate destroyed him,
innocent lives taken,
all just wanted love,
peace, music, happiness,
now there’s none of that.

there’s only anger,
frustration,
disgust,
how could you?
a music festival,
a time for magic
ending in death.
this isn’t the first time,
but it needs to be the last.

stop the shooting,
stop the hate,
stop the violence,
stop the killing,
stop the anger,
stop the guns.

the world is too angry,
it can’t stay like this,
we can’t continue to hate
we have to learn to love.

put yourself in the shoes
of the people in vegas
who are mourning the deaths
of their family members,
best friends, loved ones
that died from the gun,
and realize
that this violence
needs to stop.

#PrayForLasVegas