10. i

i fell harder than ever,
at least in my mind.
i said that same thing
at least five times this week.
i didn’t think
i could function,
i felt scared
and disoriented.
i had to run,
it was for my own good,
did i really want
to keep going?

i didn’t.

i wanted to push forward
with better things.
i wanted to do things
that were more fun.
i didn’t want my brain
to be angry at me.
i didn’t want to
fall off my pillar
or go to a place
that wasn’t that pretty.

i wanted to be happy.

i think this will help.
i don’t have to worry
about losing my passion
in a split second
on the clocks
because i can brain storm
despite sleep deprivation
and avoid comparisons
to the machine
while i leave these christmas presents
as the parting gift.

i will make things better.

i promise.