2. they hate me

my brain

is constantly saying

things i know

just aren’t right.

i say all the time

that it’s lying,

but i can’t stop wondering

if it’s telling the truth.

i shouldn’t even

be entertaining these thoughts,

but i can’t help myself.

i’m always hearing

my brain say

that my friends

secretly hate me,

that they don’t

actually care about me,

and i know it’s wrong,

i can show

clear examples,

i know they care,

they’re happy

i’m here,

i know that

i’m a good friend.

but what if i’m not?

what if i’m a means

to an end?

what if they don’t

really want me around?

what if i’m only important

when it benefits them?

i’ve seen all the tricks,

and yet,

i still fall for them,

i still get lost

thinking about

if i mean as much

to the people around me

as they mean to me.

i shouldn’t be here,

i shouldn’t think like that,

but i do,

and i can’t stop myself.

i’m too paranoid.