thought it was finally
my time,
longest winter ever
but now it’s summer’s
turn to shine,
only now,
i can’t get rid
of the dark clouds
in my mind,
never felt more
unheard in my life,
like it’s just me,
myself,
and whatever the hell
i write on this page,
every day
feels more painful
than the last,
thought i was on the path
to healing,
but all the demons
are revealing
the harsher feelings.
and i promise
i'm tryna watch
what i say,
i’ve got stronger words
i’ve held back
to protect the ones
i love,
already watching them
misconstrue
my true intentions
and turn me
to the bad guy,
promise i’m not
a terrible person,
i just wanted to help
make sure everyone
was alright,
all the drama
got me wishing
for a better time,
2019,
when everything felt nice
before the circle
became a warzone,
everybody firing shots
and scared to say
their true feelings
for fear of retaliation,
burning at the stake
when it all
could be squashed
with a conversation.
last night,
i thought about
the end of my life,
how much time
have i got
‘till i get there?
and is that
what it’ll take
to get everyone back
on the same page?
don’t wanna be
a sacrifice,
i wanna live a happy life,
i wanna heal,
i wanna feel
like i’m wanted
and heard,
i wanna work through
the bullshit
and get back
to something better
than this,
but i’m stuck
in a rut
with no way out,
and i’m wondering
who’s really here
for me?
i don’t know what to do anymore.
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