2. too much hate

saturday morning,
i slept through your call,
and it’s still my biggest regret.
you went into school yesterday
wearing a hoodie,
a dress code violation.
the principal asked you to take the hood off
but you refused.

you didn’t want to show the secret.

i was scared,
what is she hiding?
i texted you,
but no response,
you didn’t even read it.
i worried for the night,
i called you,
texted you,
facebook messaged you,
anything i could do
just to hear you say,
“don’t worry, matt, i’m fine.”
but i got nothing.

until the next morning.
when i woke up to a voicemail.

“hey matt, i’m sorry i worried you.
you don’t have to be scared,
because i’ll be gone by the time you hear this.
i wore my hoodie yesterday because i had a belt around my neck.
i was waiting for the right moment,
i’m going to kill myself.
i’m so thankful for you and all you’ve done for me,
but no one else loves me,
no one else is really here for me,
not even my family.
don’t be scared, i won’t bother you anymore.”

i ran out of my house,
still in my pajamas.
i didn’t even put shoes on,
i had to talk to you
i got to your house,
and as the old story goes,
the door was locked and i had to knock it down.

there you were,
laying on the floor.
it was too late.
the belt firmly tightened around your neck.
your heart wasn’t beating,
there was no pulse,
you were dead.

no one loved you like i did,
the hate was too strong,
and it drove you to the edge.
it took your innocence,
it wiped your beautiful smile,
and worst of all, it ended your life.
the one i loved, the one i pined for,
was gone.

why is this world so angry?
why is there so much hate?
why do we say “drink bleach?”
why do we tell others to take their lives?
why did you all take her away from me?
i loved her more than anything,
but you fuckers killed her.

now i’ll never experience true love again.