what do i say?

i wish i knew
what to say,
but it just
never comes out.
it’s all just fear
that it’s all my fault,
as i sit alone,
trapped in my bad thoughts
and do nothing but worry.

it always feel like,
when i’ve got
a good thing going,
i find some way
to fuck it up,
or at least,
that’s what my brain
tells me.
and i probably
am just thinking too much,
and i don’t have
a damn thing to worry about,
but my mind says otherwise.
it traps me
in this constant worry,
this never-ending state
of self-blame,
and even “thinking positive”
doesn’t take away from it.

i can spend a night out,
hang with my friends,
relax and have fun,
but when the dark
of night hits,
and i’m home alone
in my room,
all that i think of
is what went wrong.
everyone around me
will be like
“everything’s fine,”
but that won’t stop me
from thinking
that nothing is fine.

what do i say?