2. cold

…the night air.

cold, but i don’t feel it.

my mind’s spinning

all too quickly,

what did i do wrong?

distract myself

at the store,

tea and some snacks,

and i’m back

to a place

where things were different.

young and wide-eyed,

believing in the best

before the trauma

kicked in,

fight or flight

every time since.

get to the train,

sad songs

to numb the pain,

oh, how my life

has changed,

i used to think

i’d find a soulmate

but nowadays,

i got love

as a one-way street,

used to put

everyone else first,

but now

i don’t have friends,

i have people

i care about

that pretend

i’m not there,

i got people

i tell my therapist about

so they won’t be worried,

i’m the king of self-sabotage,

my clear headspace

became fuzzy again

in the span of a day.

off the train,

i reach my street,

car flashing down,

what if i keep walking?

move at my pace,

better stop if i don’t

get out of the way…

wait, why am i thinking that?

my night got screwed,

now my brain’s fried

to where the dark thoughts

try to spread their lies?

i gotta get inside.

nurse this bottle

and try to calm down,

got my story straight,

now to slow the heart rate.

the night’s over,

no more pain.