this year, i was depressed.
a mess of introspection
and existentialism,
reaching into a void
to break through the noise,
but i’m struggling
to make any myself,
will these words
ever ring out?
i feel like
i could scream
out of my lungs
and i’d still be
the quietest in the room,
feeling sensitive
to every word
being said,
25 but mentally,
i feel like i’m 10,
searching desperately
for some
character development
and a safe place
to rest my head.
am i giving up time
i could spend
with loved ones
just to write these words?
am i spending too much time
chasing social life
when i could be
working harder?
will i ever get out
of feeling like everything
is exploding around me?
will i ever feel like
i’m worth it to somebody?
what would anybody
even see in me
anyway?
will i ever gain
some independence
and stop letting
the DPD
control me?
my heart’s racing,
my brain’s chasing,
my thinking’s hazy,
i need a break.
fuck the fame,
i just wanna be stable,
i wanna see my people
reach their heights
and have their lives right,
i’m tired
of the industry lies
and all the worries
about the bottom line,
i’m tired of all the time
i spend crying
because i’m not alright,
i’m tired of feeling
like a failure,
thought my light
was meant to shine
but sometimes,
you burn out the brightest,
running out of ideas
in life
and in these words
that i write,
i just wanna calm
my mind,
relax and find
a good reason to…
“y’all don’t wanna hear me, you just wanna dance.”
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