3. existential

another day

spent questioning

the same things,

just wanna be okay

but my brain

is in flames,

i’m running on fumes

because i can’t

stop focusing

on the thoughts

i don’t wanna have,

my thinking is obsessive

even when i’m trying

to rest it,

another bad spell,

except that this one’s

got my thoughts

feeling existential,

dread from a potential

quarter-life’s

got me feeling too reflective.

feels like

my life began

when i was 4,

wide-eyed in pre-school

and i didn’t even know

my own name,

like i blinked

and suddenly,

i’m alive,

what was life like

before that?

4.6 billion years

on the planet

but my memories

don’t last past 2002?

i just snapped awake

on that september day?

did i have a past life,

and if so,

why can’t i remember it?

the universe

is leaving me

with all these questions

but why can’t

nobody answer them?

i’m scared

of what’ll happen

when i die,

will everything

just fade black?

will i be forgotten?

everything could disappear

in an instant,

will all the hard work

be lost to time?

is it worth

even falling in love

when i know

they’ll leave this earth?

everybody faces

the same fate,

do people truly

reincarnate?

will i reawaken

under another name?

i know i’ll never

get the answers,

but that doesn’t mean

i’ll stop asking,

‘cause i’m too paranoid,

tryna lead

a satisfying life,

but happiness lasts

for only a fleeting time.

i’m terrified.