they say to keep
your chin up
but mine is on the floor,
every answer
that i find
ends up a lie,
and all the best versions
of myself
disappear just as quick
as when they came in,
chasing a stable life
but it won’t stay,
supposed to be
my best years
but i’ve let them
go to waste,
found my confidence
but why’d it have to come
five years too late?
and why,
when i see the number
on the scale,
do i struggle
not to fixate?
hard to focus
on what i have
when i’m mourning
a life
that i never had.
can’t even say
i fumbled the bag
because i never
got to hold it,
know they say
to cast a wide net,
but the only ones
that’d ever go for me
are the scammers on the net,
catfish tryna trap me
in their muddy waters,
everybody else
got someone
and they’re settling down,
steady starting
to grow the family tree,
while i wouldn’t even know
how to plant
my own seeds,
i’m not even enough
for me,
so how could i be
what anyone else needs?
maybe i should’ve gone
into a different field,
maybe i should’ve saved up,
maybe i should’ve quit
with the poetry shit
back when i fooled about it,
maybe i’ll drop that album
before frank drops his,
they couldn’t wait
for me to do it
this summer,
now they’re sittin’
ready for the fall,
maybe i should just run
from it all,
leave everything
and everyone behind,
dying for a little
peace of mind,
but it’s something
that i’ll never find.
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