there i go again,
making up more
scenarios in my head,
the only place
i ever feel
comfortable at,
still thinking about
all the things
i could’ve said,
and i try
to tell myself i’m fine
but i’m not,
if i was,
i wouldn’t be finding
new ways
to throw it all away,
and i wouldn’t be saying
all the same things
in every other line,
i’m trying
to help others
get over their heartbreak
when i never
fully cleaned up mine.
suddenly, i’m feeling
what taylor meant
when she said,
“i love you,
it’s ruining my life,”
because i can’t stop
circling back,
and i hate to stay
stuck on that,
but every time
i think i find
the love of my life,
it just becomes
the loss of my life,
and as i sit
and sing
of ed’s photograph
to the bugs out back,
i’m wondering
who would wait for me
to come home.
i never stopped feeling
how i felt
about anyone
i ever loved,
and i’m realizing
that they don’t need me,
all i’ve ever done
is drag down
everyone that comes along,
try to be there
for myself
but i realize i’m lost
when i’m on my own,
and i’ve never felt
more alone
than i do right now,
the world’s greatest
oversharer
is heading
for another nightmare,
just praying
somebody stays
to help steer me
through the storm.
i feel like i ruin everything.
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