another day,
i awake
from some crazy dreams,
it’s like not even
the fantasy world
can bring me much peace,
they say sleep
can set you free,
but for me,
it only illuminates
the insecurities,
all my worst cases
and cursed phases
take up all the space
in my brain,
pain wraps me
in its sweet embrace,
trying to give
myself some grace,
but i’m back
to feeling
like a total waste,
living in
this beautiful mess i’ve made.
wanna make
something lighthearted,
but it’s hard
to write light
when all you know
is the dark,
all the best words
that i ever wrote
came from the
bad place,
the side of life
where the bulbs
never turn on,
hard to let
the sun peek in
when you’ve always been
a nightcrawler,
and as the summer
turns to autumn,
i start to wonder
if i’ll fall,
nocturnal by nature,
my world stays dark
with no sign
of the dawn.
sometimes,
i think about death
more than i’d like,
the OCD’s
got me worried
about losing control,
once touched a knife
to my neck
to see if it really
felt sharp,
then spent the next
seven minutes
in a panic,
worse than when
i wondered
if a belt
around my neck,
would really squeeze,
it’s like
an entity
wanted to write
the end of me,
i’d never do it,
but what if i lost
the ability
to stop myself?
i wanna be here
because i’ve got people
i love too much,
i couldn’t give a fuck
what i accomplish
long as they get to win,
you don’t realize
how much you’ve got
to live for
‘till you have a friend
who makes you happy
just by being happy,
and i fight through
for people like you,
the ones that make
waking up
worth it in the end,
it’s not easy
but i’m doing
what i can,
and i hope that
my best
is good enough.
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