afraid

i had someone ask me
if there’s anything that
doesn’t make me afraid.
you’d think that i’d hate it,
but as a writer, i’d happen
to be the the most afraid.
be lying if i told you that
i’m never scared. shame?
nah, this is just how it goes,
second-thoughts about all
that i ever put out, and i’m
used to it because fear is
all that i feel these days.

even when i’m happy,
i’m scared, i feel like
i might lose you, or
that i’ll lose all this.
my creativity will die
like a flash of light,
and i already feel
like it’s happening,
february 2019, first
month where i didn’t
put out a full-length
album in over a year,
what a time it’s been,
haven’t worked on 21,
where will i take this?

back to feeling like
i’m losing my friends,
people i care about
started heading out,
got me feeling like
i’m not enough now.
right behind them,
my inspiration goes,
and i’m stuck here
letting fear take me.
i wanna smile, but
instead, i struggle,
all i want now is to
have my spark back.

is that too much to ask?