9. i'm scared

i’m scared that i’m
boxing myself in, i’m
scared that i’m writing
myself into a corner, i’m
scared that my work won’t
hit like it used to, i’m scared
that the 25th album won’t be
as special as it should be, i’m
scared that i’m not putting out
enough poems, i’m scared that
i’m losing the work ethic that i
had a year ago, i’m scared the
people who enjoy my poems are
getting tired of my excuses, i’m
scared that i’m losing creativity.

i’m scared that i’m a
senior in college, i’m
scared that i’ll never
see some of my close
friends after we leave,
i’m scared that they’ll
just forget about me,
i’m scared that they
already hate me, i’m
scared they want to
leave me, i’m scared
they never cared for
me to begin with, i’m
scared that i’m only
draining their energy.

i’m scared of being 21,
i’m scared of growing
up, i’m scared of going
out into the real world,
i’m scared my art won’t
be accepted by any of
them, i’m scared i won’t
make enough money to
support my mama and
my future partner, i’m
scared i won’t have a
partner, i’m scared i’ll
grow old all by myself,
i’m scared i’ll end up
homeless, i’m scared
i won’t be strong, i’m
scared i won’t be able
to support myself, i’m
scared i’ll get chewed
up and spit back out.

i’m scared.