6. therapist

i’m a great therapist

for someone

who could really use one,

always struggled

to ask for help

because i felt

i had to clean up

my messes myself,

i suppress it

so i don’t overwhelm,

but now i’m the one

feeling it worse,

distract myself

from my problems

by taking on

everyone else’s,

because the pain

i’ve felt

is something i’d never

want anyone else

to have to go through.

i’ve had trust issues

since i was 17,

made me act out

in some bad ways,

but i’m learning

not to dwell on

my past mistakes,

i’ve had my beefs

but bitter’s something

i’m never trying to be,

that petty shit is bad

for my anxiety,

so this is the most

you’ll see from me

as far as responding,

i’d rather take

the high road

than go back and forth,

trying to be better

instead of getting

caught up in drama,

because i’ve got

too many out there

that need my help.

i’m not tryna

say too much

for the sake

of protecting my people,

I just want them

to have some peace,

don’t even care

who’s praying for me,

‘cause i’m saving mine

for them,

i wanna let ‘em know

that life will be okay,

even though i barely have

my own head on straight,

i’m not okay

but i wanna make sure

everyone else is safe,

people pleaser

in the worst way

because i don’t know

my own purpose.

maybe one day i’ll learn it.

5. one more day

before you pointed

the pistol at your dome,

what were you thinking of?

you always felt

unworthy of the love,

wasn’t your first try

but this is my last time,

now that you’re gone,

i don’t even feel alive,

survivor’s guilt

kicked in from the minute

that i saw you die,

the worst sight

i’ll ever lay eyes on,

i loved you more

than you could ever

love yourself,

but i always missed

the obvious signs,

all i wanted to do

was call you my wife,

reminders of the cruelty

of life,

haven’t slept

because every night,

i try to convince myself,

“this can’t be right!”

even though i saw it,

i’d give it all

just to have you back,

wanted to comfort you

and keep the demons away,

been looking at pictures

of that smiling face,

all i ever wanted

was one more day,

to show you that

you mattered more

than the voices

in your head,

my best friend,

the love of my life,

the greatest thing

to happen to me,

but now, you’re gone,

and i’m never waking up

from this nightmare

we call life.

4. where the wild things are

spent all this time

wishing i was a kid again,

yearning for life

to be simple again,

back to an age

where loneliness

wasn’t so bad

because i had

all these

imaginary friends

to play with,

i’ve never known

how to drive,

but i could definitely sail,

when the going got tough,

it was easier

for the tough

to run away from home,

jump into the boat

and let the river flow.

first time in my life

that i felt like a king,

all these new friends

to play with,

and no brothers

or sisters

to bury me

in my snow fort,

our only forts

are the piles

we sleep in together,

enjoying a wild rumpus

with carol, KW and douglas,

i always liked

alexander the best,

they never paid him

any attention,

and i feel now

what he was

going through.

but even he knew

i was no king,

just a boy

trying to get away,

the pain

was too much to take

at a young age,

and i needed

new friends

i wouldn’t hate,

and even though

i had to say goodbye,

i wish i could’ve stayed,

that soup and cake

might’ve been great,

but nothing truly changed,

i’m growing older

but i’m still carrying

my burdens all the same,

i just hope one day

that i can go back

to being the king

that i once was.

3. 140

a loud and crowded room,

but i feel alone,

starting to wonder

what it was

that made me come to this,

wanted to get

out of the house,

but now i feel like

i should go home,

i don’t know

what’s come over me,

but it won’t go away,

140 on my heart rate,

and my mental state

is decaying

the longer i stay.

it’s almost like

i’m not even here,

i could get up and leave

and no one

would notice me,

i wish social anxiety didn’t exist,

only waited

months for this

and i’m ruining it,

and i’m damned if i do,

damned if i don’t,

whether i stay or go,

i won’t be right,

fade away

like the puff of smoke

flown over my head.

what if everybody hates me?

what if they never

wanted me here

in the first place?

i can’t calm my brain

so i guess i’ll go

lock myself

in the bathroom

and pray nobody

has to come in,

head between my legs,

deep breathing

on the floor,

exactly how i pictured

my saturday night to go,

the only one in the party

who can’t have fun.

what’s wrong with me?

2. drown

thought i found

my love

in this club again,

saw her walking in

with that confidence,

got a face like dua,

body like ava,

baby so enchanted,

you would think

that she was taylor,

but so it goes,

i know it all too well,

my head tells me

what my heart won’t,

that she’s only

a distraction,

don’t start now

because i’ll only

open myself up

to further disappointment.

try to convince myself

i’ve fallen in love

with everyone i meet

to forget how much

i want you,

never had the guts

to admit

you were the one,

you struggled to feel

confident in yourself,

but it was me

who wasn’t brave enough,

couldn’t just say it,

now you’re out

of my life,

never coming back,

i’d throw it all away

for another day,

even though i know

it’ll never come.

so i drown myself

and down the bottle,

be lucky

if i hobble home

safely and with

sanity intact,

if a life with love

is a life that’s lived,

then what’s my life

even worth in the end?

tonight i might

bleed out,

doubt i’m worth

crying for,

but i wish

i told you

everything,

because you’re the one

i’ll be missing most

when i’m gone.

i hope you’ll miss me, too.

1. puppet

you aren’t the one.

you’re not all that.

you call yourself a king?

you’re just a puppet

on a string.

we give you the songs.

go out and sing.

what’s creative freedom?

none of that here.

one more word,

and we’ll replace you.

AI’s waiting in the wings.

you already felt the sting.

we’ll put the weight

of the fallout

on your shoulders.

and you’ll never make it.

you’ll never be able to settle.

perennially underpaid.

the GOAT,

only in your lying mind.

you’ll never get there.

and we’ll spend the time

pulling the strings.

puppet.

dance.

the poetry king preface

it’s so great to see you all again. since releasing my last few EPs, i had believed i wouldn't be releasing any new full-length albums anytime soon. i believed shorter projects and singles were the new way to go. as it turned out, though, inspiration struck, and i’m now back with my 31st full-length poetry album (and 45th poetry project), “the poetry king.” this album came as a result of me having too many ideas for other projects. i had so many concepts for new records, but i took a step back and said “perhaps it would be best to combine all of these ideas into one long album.” i was really inspired to make something that felt like my old poetry albums; a versatile collection of poems that didn’t necessarily *need* a full-blown concept or narrative throughline. just a collection of poems blending many of the styles and tones i’ve gone for over the last six years of writing. i mean it when i say, i believe this is my best and most versatile poetry project yet, and i’m unbelievably proud of it. i hope it leaves as much of an impact on you as it did on me. please enjoy it; i’ve missed you all so much:

1. puppet

2. drown

3. 140

4. where the wild things are

5. one more day

6. therapist

7. happy ending

8. from the beginning

9. dying words

10. the throne is mine