2. journal

sun’s coming up,

but my eyes haven’t shut,

my mind’s getting fried,

and it’s all falling apart,

i’m in shambles,

another trip to the bathroom,

nothing’s feeling good,

taking in all these pills,

but i’m still no better,

keep thinking life’s

trying to find

new ways to kill me,

don’t want me

to achieve my dreams,

divine beings

wanna see me six feet deep.

in a crowded room

but i feel alone,

thought i pushed past it,

but i’m right back

where i started,

constantly trying

to convince myself

that they care,

but where’d they go?

most lonesome

i’ve felt in my life,

like they don’t even

want me around,

it’s all my fault,

brought it on myself,

so i live with the pain.

i lost it all in ’21,

my vacation,

my body,

my mental,

my friends,

i’m defeated,

yet i’m still

pretending i have things

figured out,

but the bad thoughts

crowd around

in my brain,

they all hate me,

already drained,

can i just have

one good day?

i can’t take this.