4. party

9:47 pm,

seventh trip

to the bathroom,

wondering

if i should lock

myself in,

this is new

to me

and i’m overwhelmed,

everything feels louder

than it really is,

what do i get

when i head back?

disassociating,

had to move away

from the corner

where someone

was throwing up

next to me,

just focus

on the movie

on screen,

haven’t had

a bite to eat,

not so hungry,

too many people,

counted 19,

i give a wave

when they stop by,

but i try

to pretend

i’m not here.

i’m too shy

for this scene,

great party

but mentally,

it’s bleeding me,

happy for the invite,

but i’m always

my most awkward

when the world

can see it.

won’t leave yet,

i’ll stay for my friends

who might feel the same,

try to hold

a conversation

and hope they don’t

abandon me.

alright, let’s head back down.