Sunday, December 16, 2018

1. here i am again

how can one love
so strong and yet
get no love back?
how do they pour
every little thing
into many others,
and not feel that
same effort, too?
love’s one of those
terrible demons that
never lets you have
things your own way.

why can i not find
my own person?
why does the one
i want to love never
want to love back?
why do i not get to
love them until they
fall out of it with me?
how do they fall out
of love so easily?
what if i get the one
i want to love, but
they just become
too tired of me?
why does love play
all of these games,
and never give me
hope or happiness?

is it love’s fault,
or is it my own?
is love picking me
as a punching bag,
or am i the one that
causes all of this?
am i un-lovable?
will i ever have the
satisfaction of love?
or will it continue to
escape my grasp?
what do i do now?

i guess i just try
focusing on me,
learning to feel
content in my
lonesomeness,
try to enjoy the
company of me,
earn my own love
before anyone else
steals my heart...but,
i’m too used to me.
i spend far too much
time on my own now,
it starts to get dull.
when am i gonna get
that lovey shit people
make a big deal about?

never, i bet.

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