5. lost a friend

i lost my best friend today.

i never thought
i’d see the day,
but the call from
your mom was
the hardest i’ve
had to receive.
she found you
lying on the floor,
pills around you,
she was too late
to try saving you,
OD was complete
and you were gone.

i’m writing this letter
to say my last goodbye,
but i’m trying not to cry
because i know you’ll
never see these words
i write down tonight.
and i’m fighting tears,
i wish i was there when
they all tried to hurt you.
i couldn’t stand up to them,
i wasn’t able to back you up,
and it’s my fault you’re gone
and i can’t come by to tell you,
“everything will be alright and
those assholes don’t matter.”

so even though you won’t
ever see these words, i just
want to say sorry i wasn’t
there to comfort you then.
tears roll down my face and
i’m sorry i couldn’t be your
shoulder to cry on in the pain.
i’m sorry i wasn’t the friend
you deserved to have then,
the one to get you through
and prove you’re cared for
when everyone else wanted
you to go off and end it all.
i’m sorry i couldn’t save you,
i couldn’t stop the bullying,
i couldn’t let you know how
much you really mean to me.

i’m sorry i couldn’t help you.