still filled with sadness,
i try my best but i can’t
get this out of my head,
she’s still racing through
and i’m shaking as i think
of all that i lost and i’m in
a state of unease, since i
can’t even focus on these
words that i’m writing down.
the emotions usually spill
straight onto the page, but
the only thing spilling now
are the tears from my eyes.
i wish i could just feel better
about it all, and be happier,
but my heart stays shattered,
and just as quick as i’m able
to love and enjoy myself, i’m
back in this state of self-hate,
because i’m reminded of her,
and her, and her, and her, too.
the one who ghosted me, then
the one i pushed away early,
the one i wasn’t enough for,
and the one that i missed
because i was an idiot and
didn’t care when i should’ve.
love and i just weren’t meant
to be down with each other,
and that’s why i’m seated
here, all on my lonesome,
because i just can’t do it.
i just want happiness,
but it won’t come here,
it just runs away and it
points and laughs at me.
and while the world moves
and sings “thank u, next,”
getting over past love, i
cry on my couch and play
“let her go” on loop, since
i see her in my sleep, but
know she’ll never be mine,
and i dove so deep that i’ll
only struggle to feel better.
but this is just the prelude,
bet things only get worse.
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