2. my last goodbyes

today i said

my last goodbyes,

no-show at the service,

empty seat in the crowd,

i was scared to be around,

all i wanted was

a minute alone

before they took you home,

your body laid

inside the open casket,

doesn’t even feel

like you’re gone,

seems like it’s just sleep,

any minute,

i’m expecting you to wake

with a smile on your face,

tell me all the ways

that it’ll be okay,

but reality takes over,

the ensuing pain,

fought back the tears

i was told to never cry,

you always tried

to break that stigma,

but i could never abide,

before he left,

he made me feel little,

you made me feel tall,

but now,

i feel nothing at all,

“son, it’s time for her to go,”

i leave the bouquet

that i know will only decay,

and watch them close it shut,

i almost wanna stop them,

because i don’t want you to go,

i wanna see your face,

i want you to wake up

and let me know

you’ll be here,

but all i can do

is let out my last words…

“i love you, mom.”