3. one of the lucky ones

promised the world,

but all i got was pain,

thought i found the one

more than a few times,

each ended the same,

became a changed man,

never thought i’d do it again,

self-love to be okay

with single life,

self-sabotage to erase

the emotions

and never hurt again,

four years well spent,

thought i was content

but i’m tripping,

succumbing to the feelings

while i’m still healing,

trauma from the past

back to rear

its ugly head,

suddenly, i’m useless again.

now i’m falling in love

when i can’t even

take care of myself,

and i’m scared

it’s hurting the circle

because the homies

are getting colder,

distance is growing,

trust if i could

rid myself of the feeling,

i’d have done it

by now,

but it’s been suppressed

for too long,

man, i’m sorry,

feeling like it’s my fault,

and now i’m lost

in my mind

tryna make sense of it all.

‘cause i’m terrified

of letting you down,

all i want

is to be there

for my peoples,

but all i’m doing

is disappointing,

try every day

to make you proud,

but it just feels

like i’m failing,

and the emotions

that i’m going through

are overwhelming,

pardon my silence,

i’m trying not to die,

i wanna feel the love,

but it’s anguish

every time i try,

never find the one,

there’s always

something in the way,

some people in life

are just lucky,

but i guess i’m not.

i’ll never be one of the lucky ones.