11. before your eyes (bonus track)

the days move slow

but life goes fast,

blink

and it’ll be gone

in an instant,

facing down

my ultimate fate

but as i reach

the gate,

i’m afraid

to say

what really happened,

try to make

an adventure

of some grand nature

out of my life,

but i’m caught

in the lie,

never got to live out

my dreams

because i spent

the days

just trying to survive.

i thought the sickness

wouldn’t stick

until i had to let

the IV drip,

taking medicine

that barely did

a thing,

and soon enough,

my time was up,

mama wanted a legacy

but i wasn’t

the piano prodigy

she hoped i’d be,

never got to live

the artist’s life,

or get old enough

to make chloe my wife,

you were my

first love,

and i gave it all up

just to be with you.

tried to repress

all the pain,

but as i greet

the gatekeeper,

i know i can’t,

it’s time to take

the weight off,

let go of regret

and tell how

it really went,

brought to my end

too quick,

but my love

lives on

in the ones around me,

it’s not much

of a life,

but i know

that i lived it,

wasn’t who i thought

i’d be,

but i was who

i needed to be,

and as i close my eyes

one last time,

i’m finally at peace.

benny.

10. your best friend

friday night,

and he’s coming by,

says he wants to

take you out

of the house,

seven years,

he’s been your best friend,

and it seems

to be

another typical night,

time on the town

and he finally takes you

to the restaurant

you both like,

you’ve hung out

about a million times

but it never

loses its touch,

even the most

mundane of days

replay so vividly

in your mind,

because you can never

regret a moment

with your best friend.

but you’re feeling

something different

this time,

look around

and see that sparks

are starting

to fly,

an hour ride

but you felt it

the whole way home,

he takes you inside

and you’re slow-dancing

in the living room,

it’s just a different vibe

when you look into

his eyes,

all the hardships

and stress

that you’ve faced

is flushed away,

the world stops

for a moment

as he pulls

you closer.

it’s clearer

than it’s ever been:

you are in love.

never managed

to find it before,

and always found it hard

to let yourself fall,

but all it took

was one night

to let it all out,

it’s a rush of emotions,

but he knows it

as well,

he comforts you

and all you can do

is smile,

because finally,

you’ve found the one,

he was there all along,

just as you were

for him,

and for the first time,

you’re both ready

to let love in.

let this night never end.

9. life of the party

packed to the nines

and i’m dying inside,

telling myself

that i should’ve

never came

to this tonight,

thought i could

shut the world out

for a few hours,

but i’m just retreating

back to my shell,

it’s loud

and i’m lost,

barely even hear

my own thoughts,

and all this noise

around me

got me ready

to take my leave,

quietly sneak

to the exit

and pretend

i was never here.

but right before

i can go,

you drop by

and get me

onto my feet,

“may i have this dance?”

take me

by the hand,

and suddenly,

i’m a new man,

everything else

is shut out

because i have

you around,

got me glad

i showed up

to this party

in the first place,

you made me

erase

all my inhibitions

and finally,

i can live

a little bit.

i’m in awe

of your confidence,

showing me a side

of you

i’ve never seen before,

the club

got you feeling

like yourself,

and i love

that you’re not afraid

to do it your way,

not afraid

of what anyone

would say,

let ‘em think

what they want,

judge how they must,

won’t stop you

from having your fun,

you’re the queen

of this party,

and for a moment,

i’m grateful

that you made me

the king.

what a night.

8. donuts for dinner

i hate him

so much

because i’m not

the one

in his shoes,

everything he does

comes so natural

and he had everyone

flocking to him,

a new girl

snuggled comfy

in his arm

every other day,

always seemed so strong

and sure of himself,

how could i contend

with someone

who had it all?

sweeter than eating

donuts for dinner,

and all i’d see

was everything

i couldn’t be.

i hate him

so much

because i want him

for myself,

every time

i saw her lay

a kiss on the cheek,

i ran off to cry,

had to hide it

every time

because for a man

to weep

was to be weak,

it seemed,

but how could i make

him love me?

barely have the nerve

to muster up

a “hello,”

a snowball’s chance

at best

he even acknowledges

that i exist.

i love him

so much

and he could never

be mine,

it’s clear

i’m not his type,

so maybe,

i should stop trying,

learn one day

to be a friend

at best,

a quick look

and he comes

with a greeting,

that charisma

has my heart bleeding,

but i try to keep

my cool,

then suddenly,

i feel his pull

as he leans in

and his lips

lock in,

the last thought

that crossed my mind

when he walked by,

but it’s true…

he loves me, too.

7. the boogeyman

i was burdened

by my sensitivity,

people never saw

how much i took to heart,

how lost i was

because all i thought of

was everyone else,

only found comfort

when i was sleeping,

even as loud

as my head was,

the dream world

was so peaceful,

laying in the river

as i float away,

even as i stare up

at the night sky,

yoko’s got it feeling

like a lazy afternoon,

as i spend another day

trying to get back up,

long time to recover

from the pain i faced.

i destroyed myself,

but it was wonderful,

lost my way

because i was running

with the wrong ones,

they built me up

to rip my confidence,

what a beautiful thing

being at the bottom,

stuck playing the person i’m not

to please someone

i’ve got no business

being with,

exiled myself

and drank my sorrows away,

only got to escape

when i was digging dirt

or working the fireplace,

i really became

the boogeyman,

no one dared face me

for fear of what

my sharp tongue

was capable of,

but the wins were hollow

when they couldn’t

be shared,

because who’d fall

for the boogeyman?

there’s gotta be

somebody out there

for me,

seen too many

that weren’t meant to be,

people leaving warnings

that i was ignoring,

date nights

i wasn’t enjoying,

thought i could see

past the toxicity,

i was obsessed

with the idea of you

but not the real you,

talking loads

in the uber

but i didn’t need

hollywood blvd

to know you weren’t the one,

no doubt, i needed

my sweet escape,

this city’s not for me,

someone toss me the keys

and let me ride,

no idea where i’m going

but i know that

all roads eventually

lead home.

bring me back to brighton.

6. buried alive

never even

wanted to come

to this club tonight,

i just needed to see

if it was true,

she’s lip-locking

with that man

and i can’t stand

to even see his face,

i tried to accept it

but i could never

look him in his eyes

and respect him

as a man,

can’t help but think

that he’s turning you

into someone you’re not,

got you thinking

you’re his muse

while he’s preying

on your youth

to fuel his ego.

and it’s got me

thinking back to you,

the bright, smiling face,

the laughs

we used to share,

never a day

where you didn’t

cheer me up,

your optimism

made my darkest hours

feel more like minutes,

the memories flooded back

but then were gone

with the quickness,

a minute ago

it was vivid,

now i can’t even

picture it,

the girl that i knew

is no longer you,

and i can’t stand

to see it.

maybe i drank too much

and now i’m peaking,

but i’m trying

not to get up

and sock him,

not enough that he

always bullied me,

but now,

he wants to

weasel his way

into the family tree,

made my life

a living torment,

never knew

how to treat a woman,

now he thinks

i’ll just accept him

like all that shit

was nothing,

promised mom

before she left

that i’d protect you

however i can,

and i know

i gotta let you grow,

but i can’t let him

break you

and place the trauma

upon you

like he did to me.

i just want

my little sister back.

5. vsco girls

never had much

luck in love,

always heard

all this talk about

shooting my shot

when i can’t even

hold the gun properly,

barely have

the confidence

to make it last,

always feels like

they love you

at the summit,

but never at the foot,

and i’ve spent my life

climbing

but never getting there,

celebrating

that i made it halfway,

but the journey

doesn’t matter

when they only appreciate

the destination.

for a minute,

lena was the exception,

a chance encounter

at the landing,

rolled through the rink

then laid in the hammock,

first time

i felt connected,

but it didn’t last long,

at times,

got me wishing

that you never left,

then i remember

why it got bad,

all you saw in me

was a warm body,

someone to help you

quickly forget

the last one,

then toss away

and move on

to the next.

posting his texts

on vsco

for aesthetics

like that man

ain’t a red flag,

won’t even act like

i can do you better,

‘cause treating me right?

you could never.

but i keep on

writing lyrics

you keep leaving

in them captions,

‘cause i know

you keep peeping

these words i’m speaking,

i know you love

to keep my name

in your mouth,

so i’ll just sit

and count the days

until it all falls down.

actually...nah, y’all were made for each other.

4. damn, that's crazy. anyway...

ticket paid

for the seat

but i had ‘em

all on their feet,

star of the show,

i was the lead

and the feature

at the same time,

only one who could

beat me

was me,

‘cause my top five

was just me five times,

swept ‘em off

their feet

with live shows

like you’ve never seen,

the stage was my home,

call me the GOAT,

so comfortable

on the throne,

couldn’t have a soul

at my throat,

and i had everybody

tryna hop on the boat.

baby girl was married

but she still hit me

in my DMs,

said these pics

won’t hurt

if he don’t see ‘em,

lil mama

came up in the place,

wanna say she ate

but she was really

a ten,

she let me in her room,

told her this new era

ain’t it,

but she still let me hit,

outta the park,

a showman like harper,

then she said

she’d end it with him

to be with me,

but i couldn’t stay

long enough to sleep,

i was on to the next one,

no jay-z or swizzy,

but you know

i was fancy,

she loved how i sang

that sweet R&B,

had all the keys

like i was alicia,

no, SZA,

i could only keep her

for the weeknd.

had everything i wanted

then asked “now what?”

made a billi’

then i thought

i’d be happier than ever,

but even with the world

screaming my name,

i felt like

i had nothing

when i walked off

that stage,

they didn’t care

about me

‘til i put on the mask,

parties were fun

for a minute

but i couldn’t stick with it,

look in the mirror

and hated what i was seeing,

who was i

underneath

my accomplishments?

tearing me apart

to let this character go on,

i gotta run from this life

before my time is gone.

get me back to me.

3. light pack

quit running

and let’s talk

for a minute,

you think

you can keep it in,

but this

won’t stay hidden,

done some shit

that should send you

to where diddy’s sittin’,

showed yourself

on cams

but still tryna brag

about the numbers,

sounding like

you’re compensating

for something,

go back to caring

about the city you’re from

instead of lying

like they love you

in mine,

actin’ all important

but your life

has always been a lie.

got the demeanor

of a theater kid,

but the best thing

that you’ve ever done

is still a light pack,

president

of the drama club

is where you peaked at,

Cs and Ds

might get degrees,

but you’d better leave

while you still got

your dignity,

i know secrets

about you

that i don’t intend

to keep,

touching girls

like a creep,

ain’t getting that shit

past me,

i know all your

dirty little secrets

and i can make sure

you’re a reject.

the parties getting lighter

by the year

because they see you

for who you really are,

thought you could

play up the charm,

but some of us

don’t fall that hard,

don’t think i’ll take it

easy on you,

don’t lie on me

and i won’t truth on you,

i know all the news

and i’ll spread it

faster than you spread

the nudes

you took of them ladies,

actin’ like it’s art

when you were just

looking to get it on,

but there’s a hook

i won’t let you get off,

i’ll take it far

and i’ll tell it all,

and i know that’s something

that you won’t want.

run, dog, run.

2. right all along

money changed it all,

suddenly i saw

my circle getting small,

but the faces

started changing,

takin’ em out west

to see the sunset

at the strip,

dinners out at nobu

with some chick

that i just met,

but i can never

let ‘em see

the house in the hills,

retreat back

after another failed date,

scribble all the pain

out on the page,

got told i fell off

by someone

who never got up,

once it was all love,

now they’re mad

they got caught.

i don’t got haters,

i got people

that hate themselves

and project that

onto me,

i don’t got friends,

i got people

that count on me

when it’s convenient,

i don’t got lovers,

i got people

who only call me

when they need a fix,

i can’t sell you

a dream,

but i’ll let you rent it

with no fees,

try to say

that you’ve been

missing me

just to get in

‘cause you want

this shit for free.

can’t wait for fate

to play its game,

taylor made

the way they’ll say

i was right all along,

they’ll see you

for who you really are

and they’ll walk away

without me even needing

to crash out,

i really came close

a couple other times,

better count your blessings

and watch the way

you talk,

one wrong word

and i’ll make you wish

you never had a mouth,

fuck the fame

and the position

it gave me,

i’ll go off the record

and drop the record

just to leave you wrecked.

don’t tempt me.

1. rigor mortis

never wanna stay out

on the north side,

it gets dark

real early out there,

can’t even remember

the last time

they turned the street lights on,

i was the leader

through the storm,

went to war with my team

tryna make it to the top,

give me three

of the baddest you got,

but make sure

you say your goodbyes

‘cause i’ll make sure

you never see ‘em again,

i’ll bring ‘em to places

they’ve never seen,

highs no one ever thought

they could achieve,

only to see ‘em

turn on me

and manipulate.

grab the polygraph

and i’ll pass

with flying colors,

everybody painting me

as a liar

but i’m the only one

who knows the truth,

not like you,

thinking that you run

the show

from the inside,

got a dash of power

then thought

you were the king,

didn’t even make

the list

yet you think

that you can talk

your shit,

you talk a big game

for someone

who ain’t steppin’ outside,

someone who’s never

had to look at their mistakes

from the other side.

but watch how you

speak on my name,

talk to me funny

and it might get scrappy,

you thought it was safe

but it’ll never be,

all your falsehoods

aren’t lost on me,

hard to forget

the ways you wronged me,

the shit you talked

and you way

you lied on me,

and you lied

even when you

didn’t speak

‘cause all you know

is lies,

did all the hard work

but you acted

like you were the guy,

keep my name

out your mouth

and i’ll keep the peace,

but watch yourself,

‘cause this rabbit hole

sure runs deep.

they’re not dumb.

poems for the club preface

it amazes me that we’re finally here. my 33rd poetry album, “poems for the club,” is finally yours. this is the poetry album i’ve been wanting to write for so long now; for at least the last year, i’ve wanted to create a project that disconnects a bit from more “personal” poetry and instead features more fictional work with a focus on storytelling. and i’ve certainly done that on some projects, but i’d never been able to put it all together for the duration of a full-length album. but now, i finally have, and i couldn’t be happier. as mentioned, this is an entirely fictional album, but unlike previous fictional albums that told one overarching narrative that stretched from poems 1 through 10, each poem on this album tells a different story with a different set of characters. there’s a solid range of tones and ideas throughout, and even a few twists here and there. this project took months to write, but i’m so happy to have finally gotten to the finish line with it. i hope you enjoy reading these poems as much as i enjoyed writing them. it’s a blessing that any of you stop by at any point to read these things, and i hope i can continue to make you proud:

1. rigor mortis

2. right all along

3. light pack

4. damn, that’s crazy. anyway…

5. vsco girls

6. buried alive

7. the boogeyman

8. donuts for dinner

9. life of the party

10. your best friend

11. before your eyes (bonus track)