11. i'm still me

i’ve been hardened
over time,
pretty sure we
all have.
it’s all in the head,
and it’s different
from before.
my mentality,
my mindset,
my attitude
has been changed
and as i’ve said,
hardened.

he hardened me
when he didn’t
call to ask
if i was alright
after the cops came in
and a man with a gun
made me feel unsafe
in the place
that he manages.
and even after
four months and counting,
we still haven’t spoken,
never not once.

she hardened me
when she told me
not to put my face
on a camera
for the sake of
“visual interest”
and showed me how
self-centered and arrogant
the industry could be
when you get that
super big nomination
that gives you
all the willpower
to say as you please.

and you hardened me
when you told me
you’d “love forever”
and that we’d
“never lose contact”
before you conspicuously
stopped talking to me
with no rhyme or reason
if i’d done anything wrong.
you said you’d always be there
to make me laugh and happy,
but it’s been two years
since you dipped,
and it still kinda hurts,
losing a close friend…

but i’m still me.

a little harder
and more of a cynic,
but i’m still the same,
spreading the love
and positivity to those
that are part of my life,
and to all the people
that worked to harden me,
thank you,
because you made me better,
and while i’m not sure your motives,
i respect you all,
and now i’m at peace,
and i wish nothing but the best
as you move forward in life.

i may have changed
just a little bit,
but i’m still me.