Sunday, February 25, 2018

5. runner

you invaded my home.
everything was peaceful
until you showed up
and gave a huge scare.
i can’t even feel comfortable
walking around
because you’re here,
and you refuse to leave.

my bed’s being pushed
from against the wall,
dad says i have to
get rid of my stuffed animals
despite my love for them
because he thinks
you’re around them
and he wants to
knock your fucking
brains out,
really bad, too.

but despite my
constant fear of you
and the way you make
living in this house
feel unsafe and scary,
why do i feel
sympathetic?

why do i feel
so uneasily gentle?
why do i feel like,
as much as i want you out,
i don’t want you to get bashed?
why is my brain
writing a screenplay
of these very events
as they unfold?
why do i imagine
this is gonna become a story,
where i befriend you
and keep you safe?

i’m filled with fear
over your very presence,
but for some reason,
i feel like
i want you out safely.
why do you leave me
feeling so conflicted?
why don’t you just
leave us alone?

why don’t you just go?

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