4. better without me

stuck where i was

so long ago,

thought i’d gotten

out of the rut,

but every time i feel

like i’ve found myself,

i get lost again,

stuck in the endless cycle

of pain and fear,

crushing myself under

the weight of expectations,

making mistakes,

afraid of fate and wishing

for a change,

but everything’s bound

to stay the same.

was it something i said?

did i make them angry?

should i have backed off?

all these thoughts

swirl in my brain,

overthinking the littlest things,

right away,

i fall back into self-hate,

and i don’t want to,

but i can’t shake

that everyone would be

better without me,

and i start to think

of all the people i can’t be,

am i doing enough?

do they want me,

or are they going to leave?

i wonder if you’re reading

these words right now,

if i’m worth it in your eyes,

i ask if you’ll still be here,

checking in when i place

my work out for the rest

of the world to see,

as i scream out in hope

that someone hears,

i ask if my poems will ever

connect or have

emotional impact,

if they’ll make you

come back for more,

or if i’ll be too much

for you to take,

never good enough

to receive your embrace.

i hope i’m enough.