sometimes i wonder
what i did
to deserve the pain,
‘cause now i feel
like i shouldn’t
show my face again,
all my life,
i’ve felt invisible,
never the most special,
and now,
as my mental
starts to dwindle,
i ask who i angered?
when was i cursed?
doesn’t matter
how hard i work,
i never get to feel
like a success,
can’t have my flowers
while i’m here to smell them.
sometimes i wonder
if the ones
younger than me
will be alive
by the time
i get to where
i’m trying to be,
‘cause Lord knows
the world
offers no protection
to their souls,
safest places
become the scariest,
and “family first”
a manipulative mantra,
plant the seed
of trust
just to traumatize,
a cycle i’m tired of.
sometimes i wonder
if it’s worth going
for the throne,
‘cause i’m worried
i’ll get there
and then ask,
“now what?”
will it give me
the fulfillment
i’m searching for?
or just distract
from the depressive thoughts?
is this really
the key
to the happiness
i seek?
or will it leave me
even more defeated?
sometimes i wonder.
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